remember the brief trend earlier this year of celebrities posting their co-stars middle school pics and captioning them "it makes me so mad I can't hang out with this kid"??? Richie and Bill, within seconds of each other and without mentioning their plan to each other first, both post pics of them like hugging as kids captioned "it makes me so mad that I HAD to hang out with this kid" lmao
omg ok but this would be so hilarious if they roasted each other while no one knew that they were childhood friends. like obvs before derry they didnt even know each other so the fans would have no reason to associate them in any way but then after derry. richie and bill dont make a post like ‘hey we’ve actually known each other for a long time’ or anything like instead richie just tweets a pic of bill as a child one day with some caption like “anyone else think he looks how cold fries taste?” which just causes Mass confusion bc hUH??? like richie didnt tweet anything abt bills writing so it doesnt seem like he just read one of bills books and was upset by it. but ppl still dont have any reason to think richie and bill know each other. so in the end ppl just think that comedian richie tozier woke up one morning and was like. you know what? Fuck that horror novel guy
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Can we please talk about Vanya and Five?
How Vanya left snacks for Five every single night, because she thought that would make him stay? How he was the only one who was nice to her, who talked to her, included her? Or how Vanya was the first person Five reached out to when he came back? The first name he called out when he saw the destroyed mansion? How he never raised his voice at her, and even apologized and softened it when he did? How every single one of his super powerful siblings were idiots to him but shy, socially-awkward Vanya, was his favorite? How the only fights we ever get of the two of them on screen is when everything is high-stakes, and even then he still tries to be soft with her and relents and just tells her to hurry up and get her lesbian SO and their son and be back before time runs out? Or when they disagree about saving Harland he still goes with her with the rest of bunch?
I just find them so great and I think everyone should know that no matter what, Five was a damn good older brother.
Nothing to see here just some tua pilot script highlights
in recent years, there's been a push in therapeutic circles to shift the language from "attention-seeking" to "connection-seeking" behavior.
i was an attention-seeker. i was the textbook example of an attention-seeker. i was a troublemaker. i would self-harm. i destroyed my own relationships. i was uncontrolled, dramatic, sensitive. i took everything personally. i had "nothing" to be depressed "about," but made a big show of how sad i was nonetheless. i was really unsafe about myself in a lot of ways.
the strange thing about that is: it meant others could ignore me. the prevailing wisdom behind knowing something is "attention seeking" is to say: well, since you want it that bad, you're not getting any. it meant i was lower-on-the-list of concern. it meant an eye-roll.
the belief was that: since i was obviously doing these things on purpose, it would be bad behavioral training if i was "rewarded" for it. it would "teach me" that i simply had to make enough fuss, and i'd finally get all that missing attention and love. no, it was better to ignore that stuff.
i was suffering. and it felt like - oh, it doesn't matter how loudly i am in pain, nobody gives a shit about if i'm living or dying.
awhile ago, i went through my journals from that time. a lot of them read the same thing. in them, i am convinced i am invisible. that nobody wants to hear me, to see me. that i could die or vanish and nobody would even notice. i didn't even want attention - not really - because it was always dismissive, mocking. nothing i ever did would be good enough to get someone to actually-worry about me.
that's a terrifying thing for me to read as an adult. that is a child who fully has no problem committing. that is a child who has no concept of feeling loved. the most basic human instinct is missing from her life.
i needed help. i didn't know how to ask for it. i was a kid. i was a kid in a bad home, and whenever i thought things couldn't get worse there - they almost always did.
and the ways i showed that - the ways i tried to deal with that - they made others dismiss me. i wasn't suffering prettily. after all, if i was really in trouble, why wouldn't i just march into the first counselor's office and ask someone to help me? i had the opportunities, right? what did i think would happen, exactly? that someone would finally stand up and do something? who even wants that kind of responsibility?
i heard connection-seeking for the first time about three months ago. my therapist mentioned it when we were talking about my history. it rang some kind of horrible bell, deep inside me. i don't know what she said in the rest of her sentence. i just started... crying.
"oh no", i said to her. "i think i just realized: i have no idea how to forgive them for minimizing the ways i was hurting."
how many other kids, though. how many other kids were out there drowning, snatching around for a lifevest, some kind of rope - how many were straight-up ignored.
how many of those kids aren't gonna get old.
oh, i am finally old enough to know why my parents took so long to grab their coats. why they would ask us to get ready to go only to sit down for another round of coffee. what would i tell myself, at 10 years old? it’s okay. sit down with them too. take in the extra hour with your friend and her family. when you get home, write down every moment in your diary. one day you will be older and you will be waving goodbye to your best friend, and you will turn the key to start your beat up little car engine, and you will look back over your shoulder. her hair will be blowing in the wind and she will be beautiful and you will be, for a moment, struck by all of it. what you will feel is so wide and nameless that it will engulf you. and you will think of being 14 and kicking her under the table in math every time you wanted to whisper something behind the teacher’s back. you will think about how long the days felt, and how you could hold her hand whenever you wished, but you didn’t. and you will think about all of the people you could have lingered with. and you will wish, more than you have ever felt a wish, that the universe just gave you that - more time to linger. more time to say - i love you. i know i need to leave, but i don’t want to leave you. and when i go, i am leaving a piece of my heart that lingers too.
one more round of coffee. the days are so short, and you are so lovely.
i’m gonna say it.
there is nothing wrong with you for liking cartoons, comic books, cosplays, dolls, nickelodeon, cartoon network, superheros, disney, fanfiction, video games, drawing, basically anything that is label to be “kids stuff.” life is too damn short to be boring; who the hell wants to just be into things are acceptable by adult standards.
enjoy the things that make you happy, and if it’s something that people view as immature and childish you should not be ashamed. you are fine the way you are.
note to self: just because someone did the thing you were thinking about doing, and did it way better than you could ever hope to do, doesn’t mean it would be stupid or pointless to go ahead and try to still do the thing anyway.