Personal Notes (mood) To Previous Post Under Cut

took sleeping pills yesterday and had funny dreams, among them - having to draw miller on a chalkboard, struggling to draw his glasses for some time but only being able to draw o-o, and then abandoning the effort, lol. didn't even attempt to draw his face or figure

Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain (2015) 

Aerial Command Center

“Weather will pass shortly.”

Full: https://www.patreon.com/posts/19319505

Ok but have you ever seen The Boss doing Ocelot’s hand gesture?

Fun fact, she’s actually doing it at him.

@/the-crooked-library write that lilacs are ellen's favourite flowers and there are even more mansions of them than i remembered writing this. now i see, when thomas gifts a lilacs bouquet to ellen, he does so bc it is customary expression of love, but for ellen it is killing the beautiful flowers, and she doesn't want to put them in water since they will wither soon anyway or are already dead (i don't remember which of these it was). i assume that their views of marriage are similar to their views of the lilac bouquet, her being the flowers, and that remark (as well as the mentioned user's assumption she died from blood loss bc of asking her lover to drink more of her blood) reinforces my assumption that she did want to die with nosferatu more than live as the wife of thomas.

upd: also lilac means first love which makes sense since the movie is about ellen's first love.

my impressions about the new nosferatu movie (spoilers ahead)

first of all, i see it as a movie about a woman who didn't get enough love and appreciation from society and whose wishes weren't prioritised by her husband (and society in general) as much as she liked, so she got herself a powerful demonic lover whose sole purpose for being in this world is to please her and he is ready to sail the sea in a coffin and kill entire city with plague to get her to willingly (as much as possible under aforementioned things) consent to be with him, and dies a hero saving everyone when no one else could, rather than lives a life of a person disregarded and deemed hysterical and of secondary importance. she is the most informed and in control in this situation (the doctor finds out a lot too but she already knows everything he knows), as opposed to before the plague, when her worries were disregarded and she was considered hysterical. her wishes and her role in defeating the nosferatu seem to be different from a typical male oriented fantasy, so i wasn't the assumed target audience and the most relatable character was friedrich harding who was unable to adapt to the irrational and occult stuff, got exhausted and died lol, but i still enjoyed the movie. i am not a woman and only know about feminine traditions in horror genre from youtube videos on "wicker mag" channel and podcasts by the same person, so sorry if i am misinterpreting it.

second thing is the vampire metaphor. rather than being an image of a feudalism related class fears, in this movie (in the first half of ot) nosferatu rather seems to embody immigrants related fear. i am not xenophobic and haven't moved out of my country of origin myself but i assume that this correlates with some real and popular fears: a guy goes to a foreign country that is considered less civilised and is frightened by local customs, he then meets a person who he must invite to become his neighbour, and is even more terrified by him. despite the count being not fond of local scary customs too, it's not hard to imagine the guy might think now that there's a reason behind them. after arriving to the other country where everything seems to be going well, the immigrant then immediately contaminates it with plague and tries his best to have sex with the guy's wife. looks like exaggerated real fears about immigrants that i don't personally have or approve of but that might be popular enough to be reflected in a movie.

third, the cat was in the room during the final epic hot kamikaze sex, very funny, i laughed aloud in the cinema.

fourth, ellen hutter reminded me about real person behaviour. when a person was unable to get the love they need and safe reliable relationship, and it has effect on them (in the movie it was her summoning the demon) which helps to cope at first but becomes not fun later, and when they finally meet a person who loves them and wants to be with them, they get very close (like the movie character wanted her husband to disregard work and chill with her) and the next moment they push them away (like she said she's unworthy of his love bc she sinned or smth). it's a cruel irony, people being unable to maintain a relationship with no complications precisely as a consequence of needing it very much and that need being unfulfilled for a long time. this was probably the scariest part of the movie for me personally bc although young husband tried better than me he failed anyway, either being unable to protect his wife or being a less preferable partner for her than the vampire depending on how you interpret her decision.

fifth, epic of nosferatu to disregard the impending sunrise to get his partner off for the 9999th time. and funny that there is a scene of him literally bouncing on a man's pelvis (clothed) and moaning. it is also amusing that in this movie nosferatu seems to be an incubus (yet the ladies sitting next to me seemed to find him unattractive lol - although i'm sure there are people who disagree)

also could anyone tell me what lilac means in the movie? thomas hutter brought a bouquet to ellen hutter in the beginning, nosferatu said ellen's hair lock smells like it and the doctor put it on the bed in the end. is there some symbolism in this flower?

i hope this post was interesting, feel free to engage in any form, share your own thoughts or criticise or correct me

stealing this to use as a reaction image

this is all i could visualize

more monsoon again. i meant to draw his feet position on top, detailed hands folded behind his back on the bottom and a full piece of his back (with hands folded) on the right but got caught up adding some "background" to the hands

was thinking about sundowner due to him having a nice and kind of unexpected song and forming my first impression of metal gear rising, and have found a cool blog @/justabrick with cool arts and interesting sundowner speculations. might draw him next

there is a fan made christmas metal gear game and you should try it!

i was looking for christmas cards from metal gear social and instead found the fan made game merry gear solid: secret santa. it is available for free and only takes ~15 minutes to complete, has cool voice acting, funny codec calls, simple controls (arrows, shift, control and mouse) and few fun mechanics like candy cane instead of cigs, gift box (full of bombs!) and a (non digital) camera that is like stun grenade x claymore x c4. in this game, you are playing as santa claus (code name solid santa) and due to tightened security have to infiltrate the house to deliver presents instead of the traditional way. of course, a plot twist awaits at the end, and an even bigger one in the after credits call!

please give it a try, download available at http://www.superfundungeonrun.com/?page_id=297 . you can also look up walkthrough on youtube but why rid yourself of the experience of playing it yourself? i have read the plot summary before playing it and spoiled everything but still had a lot of fun, and hope that you will too!

there is a sequel that i want to play as well!

i wonder how long i will stick to my policy of using tumblr for fun light hearted things only with no arguments or "politics" (in quotation marks bc everything is politics really)

(i hope it's forever lol, conducting discourse about most things on social media rather than offline seems to be more bad than good)

seen a post about "yule boasting" - a tradition of publicly making "new year's resolutions" of unrealistic nature that will not be accomplished. fast google search did provide some mentions of a boasting tradition as a part of yule celebration but not enough details for me to consider the post accurate. however, i like the idea and if the yule boasting tradition didn't exist in that particular form before, now it does bc i am going to partake - feel free to join!

so, the deeds i will accomplish in 2025:

- draw the boss from metal gear smiling with joy and tenderness, a picture so good that the indomitable will itself will descend onto me and possess me, and a glimmer of it will be visible to anyone who lay eyes on the drawing

- sing 100 songs, quiet and loud, in privacy and in company of other people, friends and strangers

- please 100 ladies in sexual way, or please a lesser amount of ladies 100 times in total

- slay a number of foes in real life and thus prove myself worthy and earn the right to marry the old fashioned way

- feast on 100 meals (vegan)

- observe 100 wild beasts, big and small

- lift 100 stones (mostly small)

- read 10 good books (not 100, not that unrealistic lol)

- love 100 people: strangers, project partners, friends, romantic partners, family and foes

- find a decent and bearable reason to live that doesn't make me frustrated lol

feel free to post your own yule boasting, while arguably useless it is fun and sincere!