Tiredbirdnerd

haaate when i actually find advertisements funny. makes me feel dirty . makes me feel impure

you don't get it bro. there's this song called we are the champions. adrenaline music. hypes you up kinda music. gets me in a frenzy. he says we're the champions of the world. the world dude

Yeah sure everyone's into being kinky and bringing toys into the bedroom but the moment you pull out one of these to try and grab his dick then suddenly everyone's got a problem

Shout out to the little girl at my store today who had a shirt that said "skeleton mouse" and she was carrying around a plushie of a rat, had hair clips in her hair that had rats on them, and a necklace with a rodent skull on it.

As I was checking her mother out at the register she pulled out a handful of rubber rats from her pocket and put them on my counter, to which her mother sighed and said "no sweetie, he doesn't need rats" to which I just looked at her like this

hi here’s a cool bird I betcha didn’t know existed, ✨the wallcreeper✨

it literally looks like a monarch butterfly it’s so cute

Singing will happen, happening, happened Will happen, happening, happened And will happen again and again 'Cause you and I will always be back then You and I will always be back then And so, you and I will always be best friends.

Okay to reblog, just be respectful👍

ASMR videos being popular and sought-after has to be the world's biggest prank against me. I fundamentally refuse to believe any of that is enjoyable. Hearing it turns me into an animal that needs to attack you so hard for Making those noises inside my ears.

Now consider: a man in a dress. Not in drag or all dressed up or anything. No accessories, no makeup or styling, just wearing the dress, some ratty boxers and muddy sneakers. No socks or stockings, hairy legs in the open air, just raw dogging those nasty shoes. Hair mildly damp. Visibly sleep-deprived. Bruises on shoulders, elbows and knees, left palm bleeding. Sitting on a curb on the street, shivering, looking wretched, and absolutely miserable.

I forgot where I was going with this.

you know how sharks have rows of teeth stacked like that?

well last night i dreamed i was growing extra toes in this fashion, 15 toes on each foot and counting. the upper toes were slightly swollen to act as a sort of cover, while the lower toes were smaller but well-formed (except that the nail beds refused to harden). the only issue was potential infection in the skin folds. It was grotesque, and yet i felt flush with power. i had just gone in search of biotin supplements and athlete's foot cream when to my dismay, i woke up...

are you sucking me stupid right now. are you fucking my stupid gay ass right now. please tell me youre just yanking my penis right now. are you actually just grabbing my tits right now