I Wanna Smoke A Cigarette. I Wanna Cut. I Wanna Kill Myself. I Wanna Starve. Everything I Want Rn Is

there’s nothing like the feeling of hiding under your covers while texting your roommate about why you want to kill yourself

On Isolation

hiatus

I’m going to be taking a break from all social media for a bit, I know that this is sudden but I just went through a breakup and need some time to process it all

Suicide doesn't sound so scary anymore 🤷🏻‍♀️

first day of the new semester!

Y’all it’s fucking freezing rn

I thought that I was better

I genuinely thought that I was getting better, that I was moving on from my past. That I wasn’t the same 83 pound ball of depression and suicidal thoughts. But now I can realize that recovery isn’t a liner line, it’s a wave that has high highs and low lows. Some days it’s be a high, while others are a low. I may be depressed and doing things I shouldn’t do, but I’m not starving myself and I’m not cutting myself. And for me that’s a win. Yes I’m hurting in other ways, but I’m not bleeding and I’m not skin n bones anymore. I have scars that show I lived and I’m 105.8 pounds now. Technically I’m still in the bmi underweight category but not by much. I’m at a happy weight. And while yes sometimes I forget to eat, and others I say that I don’t deserve to. That’s all a part of my recovery, it might not be how others recover as each and every person handles things differently. All forms of moving forward- yes even the ups and downs- are a valid form of healing and progress. It shows that you are strong and kicking whatever it is that you are facing in the butt.

Sorry that this was so long, I’m on day three of not sleeping and needed to get this out. Good night or good morning, I hope you all have a lovely time. -3rat

when someone doesn’t wanna tell me what i did wrong and suddenly i’m 8 years old wondering what i did to make my mom mad again

my first cross stitch

There’s really not much to this post, I just wanted to share the finished piece of the cross stitch I started. This is gonna get turned into a quilt pillow for my aunts birthday in March, I really hope she likes it. She’s obsessed with the beach and if she could would spend every day there- as I kid I used to think she was a mermaid in disguise lol-

I ended up not doing the little knot details because I couldn’t get it and was becoming a little bit frustrated, but I plan to try again at this on a future project

Bio update

guys I just realized that I never updated my account bio lol, I just fixed it. The only things fixed were my age (I’m 18 now woop!), and that I’m now a freshman in college!