I Thought That I Was Better

its like I hate that I did it but the pain after is what keeps me going. it reminds me that im still alive and even if my emotions are numb I can still feel pain, it shows me that im not a lifeless robot

idk if I hate or love the sting after sh

i feel so left out. like everyone around me knows how to be a human and i don’t.

when someone doesn’t wanna tell me what i did wrong and suddenly i’m 8 years old wondering what i did to make my mom mad again

psa- Ana/ED coaches

hey guys, I just wanted to post a little psa about Ana coaches. you really need to be careful about who you talk to on here, especially those under the age of 18. just today I got a dm about someone wanting to be my coach, however due to be being in a lecture hall I didn't want someone to read over my shoulder to I didn't look at their profile. this is something that you should do before responding.

honestly their username should have given it away, and that's something to keep an eye out for. they started the dm very kind and asked me what weight I wanted to get down to and the first they I ask is if they were one of those creepy Ana coaches and they said "I am a little creepy" GUYs this is such a red flag! I should have stopped responding a blocked them immediately, but I wanted to get more information so that I can tell you all what to look out for.

there are some people on this site and on others, who might have a sexual liking for those who are dieting or are a part of the Ana/ ED community. they went on to asking me how I would like to start and I flat out said that I had no interest in being involved in any kind of sexual or kinky thing that they clearly wanted and that if they wanted that then to go elsewhere as I am not that kind of blog. and while they did eventually back off, there are some people on here that might be more persistent.

please, pleaseee be careful about who you interact to on here especially if you are a minor- even more so if your age is in your bio as that is what they look for.

if you see the blog name 'memeandom' in your dms and they are asking if you are looking for an Ana coach and you are A. under age, B. not a sexual or kinky blog block them and if they persist then report them.

Puritanism is getting worse around the globe and conservatives and fascists will absolutely be first going harder against porn, then use that against queer people. You HAVE to realise this and oppose anti porn measures and laws, be in solidarity with sex workers, and listen to them when they call this shit out. It's going to be vitally important.

I have this silly little feeling in my chest that's making me want to die

current mood

coloring in my colleges library while trying not to cry 👍

Ana Story

about halfway through my first semester of college I had a friend of mine that I spoke to about my ed, he never judged me and while I knew that he was worried he never tried to force me into recovery- at least at that time- sometimes he forgot that there were some things that triggered me. The time that I talking about was when I started bingeing quite a bit due to stress, anyway to see the scene I had a lot of food on my plate and as I sit down he looks over to me and says” are you gonna eat all that? Can you really handle it? If not I’ll finish it for you” I think he saw the look on my face of pure guilt and regret, because as I tried to take another bite I stopped and pushed the plate away and said “nvm I not hungry anymore”. It wasn’t until later that I got a text from him saying that he didn’t realize that what he said caused me to stop eating and that some of the other people at our table told him that what he said probably made me feel like shit- which it did and I ended up going on a 4 day fast that ended with me fainting in class-

I haven’t spoken to him in a while, mostly because of winter break. He’s a good friend but really wants me to recover eventually, he’s got a bit of a hero complex- which I don’t really mind- he’s super easy to talk to and is a safe space for me. There’s been times when we both couldn’t sleep so we go on hour long walks around campus just talking, then we sit somewhere on campus talking more long into the night. There was this one time that we laid on the concrete infront of the chapel just staring at the night sky, it was so peaceful. id like to experience that at least one more time in my life, just to hear him call me is angel again

This is us laying on the floor in one of the dorm halls kitchen while our friends make cookies, it’s sometime around 1 am at this point. We’re all tired but there’s too much on our minds to sleep, it was strangely peaceful and calming even though we all had so much going on.

Update: this was months ago and we broke up.. I broke things off after he wasn’t respectful of my boundaries after multiple chances. On the bright side I’m in a much happier and healthier relationship with someone that does respect my boundaries

holy shit

guys I’m literally freaking out, just for some context I’m a senior in high school and have been in a committed almost 3 year relationship. And this dummy texts me “wouldn’t it be so silly if I proposed to you while your in uni” and I say back “if you doo, wait till after freshman year as that’ll be my most stressful year” wtf like I know I wanna be with him forever but like, what if he’s joking? I don’t think I can that that

.

I got my new class schedule!

Registering absolutely sucked because freshman get to pick last so everything filled up, and to go and top it off it didn’t open until 12 am!!