They Can All Have Alphabet Soup With Only A’s

Once in my dreams when I was sick with covid I died slowly and painfully in real time in my bed. I suffocated to death because my asthma and the congestion made it more and more difficult to breathe, and my limbs were too heavy to move. I cried out for help, but I didn’t have enough breath. The memories of that dream remain and haunt me to this day. I’ve had very few deaths in my dreams that felt so real. Sometimes I wonder if I really did die then, and the rest of this life is some odd dream or some bizarre quantum immortality situation.

died and came back tired. died and came back exhausted. died and came back with manic energy. died and came back with malingering unease. died and came back twitchy. so many possibilities

hehehwheje long option

still suffering from the effects of the W. Rizz Finkelmeyer Economic Collapse.

Ok y’all brace yourselves cuz I just learned about a new animal

Yes, that is an animal. Yes, scientists refer to it as the purple sock worm. No, that’s not it’s real name, silly, it’s real name is Xenoturbella!

When these deep-sea socks were first discovered, no one knew what the fuck they were looking at (and, really, can you blame them?). They have no eyes, brains, or digestive tracts. They are literally just a bag of wet slop. DNA analysis initially seemed to indicate that they were related to mollusks, until the scientists realized that DNA sample was from the clams they had recently eaten (yes, they can eat with no organs. We don’t know how.)

Scientists then analyzed the data again and tentatively placed them in the group that includes acorn worms, saying that their ancestors probably had eyes, brains, and organs, but simplified as a response to their deep sea ecosystems.

Later DNA testing has since shown that they are their own thing! Xenoturbella, along with another simple and problematic to place creature called acoelomorphs, belong to their own phylum called Xenacelomorpha! This places them as the sister group to all bilateral animals. So, they just never evolved brains, eyes, or organs. They are a glimpse at a very primitive form of animal that never bothered to change, because apparently what they do works. Rock on, purple sock worm.

then you must kill everyone hotter than you on the fucking planet (you won’t need to hurt a hair on anyone’s head)

puki how do I get a boyfriend? 😔

You need to be the hottest bad bitch on the fucking planet

do you have any dirty dishes 🍽️ in your room right now?

if so don't worry about it it's fine does anyone wanna kiss me on rthe mout

hey ouch did you know owie blood should yeowch!! -should stay inside of your oof body owwch most of the time? ohhhmama! also ow i know owie you need it oowww for the experiments owie but could yeeeowza!!! -could you please stop poking me w that??? ow!!!!

in case you haven't thought about switching to firefox yet, here's an extension that will...

Notify you if a website you're on has employees that are on strike

Bypass paywalls for major news outlets like the New York Times

Change the browser theme based on the time of day

Directly install third party non-extension scripts

Save individual browser sessions to be reopened at any time

Use the TV format of YouTube in-browser

Make all chrome extensions compatible with Firefox

Turn YouTube dislikes back on

Fix Twitter and make it way less fucked up

Automatically remove trackers from URLs

And many more!

Feel free to add any other firefox extensions you think are slept on.

The Bob-Bomb plot in Paper Mario: The Origami King is literally just like every character death in JoJos Bizarre Adventure. I will elaborate if prompted.

Sorry boss I’ll do better next time. It’s 2024 so I’ll start the year off w a bang

starting the day off with a bang. finishing the day off with a bang. i’ve shot two men today.