Mrrrrrrpp👋

this is kind of shit but like. you get it right

you guys will seriously believe anything on the Internet huh? you really think this amulet is controlling me? ive always had this aura. been sacrificing people since i could walk. this guy loves the suffering. i mean i love the suffering.

you may be surprised at the amount of girls in your brain that you didn't know about before

ANTI PRAT KITTY CAT

made by Mod Adam :3c

Before I got professional help from a DID specialist, I was a very violently anti-endo sysmed. Ironically, pursuing help and taking my medication regularly helped me open up to the idea of non-traumagenic systems.

Before I had access to professional help, I was angry at the world. I was angry at the doctors for not accepting my insurance even though I so desperately needed their help, and I was angry at the endogenics for seemingly getting the "easy" and "fun" parts of my disorder. It was insecurity. I blamed them for how people outside of the community treated me, I blamed them for making us look bad.

I held out hope for the definitive "medical truth" to validate me, I wanted someone to look at me and say:

"I know EXACTLY what is wrong with you, and I can fix you."

But sadly that was just a dream. After cycling through a handful of specialists and settling on my current one, I realized they're learning from me as much as I'm learning from them. Every single specialist had a wildly different definition of what DID looks like, and even is. What it's caused by, and what it's not. Some specialists were open to the idea of endogenic systems existing, some were not.

DID/OSDD medical information is a footnote in a medical textbook. So many of the terms that diagnosed traumagenics use are not decided upon by a medical consensus. Even the specialists are extrapolating heavily based on the very limited information there is about this disorder.

That's when it hit me.

The doctors don't know shit. The community dosent know shit. So damn it all to hell I don't care anymore.

Traumagenic and Endogenic systems are in the same boat. We are all still discovering what it even means to be plural. There's no set definition, even within the sysmed community. So why are we so desperately trying to invalidate each other's experiences just to try to convince others, and ourselves, that our lived experiences are real?

aough headach

Came to the realization that I am not, in fact, a shape-shifter, but all of my "forms" were alters that fronted during my time as host. And later got their own names and became their own "characters" And that my "preferred" form to shape-shift into is literally just combining traits from everyone.

So, uh, I'm pretty sure we spent a lot of time being blurry.

- Cora