Latest Posts by theemptyseashell - Page 7

“You sometimes think you want to disappear, but all you really want is to be found.”

— Kid Cudi

Catherine Gildiner, Good Morning, Monster: Five Heroic Journeys to Emotional Recovery

I want to bottle up that sudden rush of motivation I get at 3 am

“I need to stop fantasizing about running away to some other life and start figuring out the one I have.”

— Holly Black

imagine being the first ancient person to realize that the ocean and their tears taste the same. imagine realizing that your sorrow and the waves share a taste. i wouldve gone crazy

“I hope you fall in love with someone who never lets you fall asleep thinking you’re unwanted.”

— Unknown

"yOuR trAuMa mAde yOu sTroNger" no bitch it made me prone to disassociation and afraid of loud noises

ever since i knew what i shouldn't, i was never able to look my father in the eye, i wasn't even able to bare looking at him, i always sit beside my mom to avoid sitting in front of him, because the thought of him seeing me or talking to me just feels so wrong, when he hugs and kisses me i just want it to end as soon as it begins, he is no longer my dad, he is just a stranger, a monster, someone who hurt my mom to a point where there is no going back, someone who took away the mother i always wanted and replaced her with a shell of a mom, and somehow he managed to take away my dad too.. i don't know for how long i can live with this, for how long i can bare this, i don't know if i even can..

I GET SO FUCKING TRIGGERED WHEN I SEE SOMEONE WHO HAS A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR DAD BECAUSE I WILL NEVER FUCKING HAVE THAT. 

Seeing the house you spend your beloved childhood turn into such a toxic place is scary

Was it always like this? Or didn’t I see it through my child eyes ?

The bad energy is so high, I feel like I’m going to suffocate

The house I lived for 13 years turnt into a madhouse

I don’t recognise him at all

Where does all this anger come from?

All this hate?

All those lies…

Those lies feel like they never going to stop

Only continue, becoming a parallel reality for us all

Living in a delusion, full of fake hopes for the future

Sending love to those celebrating holiday season who live in dysfunctional/toxic households. This is probably the hardest time of all.

my parents were never really bad nor toxic for that matter, they loved me and i know

it's just that my mom never really told me she loved, she never hugged me tight, she never really cared how i was feeling, she sometimes says things that hurt me, things i'll never forget (i still don't understand why she says them, i don't think i ever will), still, she does everything she can to be the best mom she can be, despite everything, she struggles to keep it all together for us and i know that

my dad is a good father too, he's just not a good husband, he never really loved mom, nor did she, their relationship was never really good at all, he never really did much to make it better, it was all on mom's back, he had problems of his own too, but he was selfish and stubborn, he always thinks he's right, he hurts her and she stays silent until she lets it out on us.

my parents are trying their best, it's just that their best was never enough..

I hate how parents will tell you how you don't do anything. How your own home isn't yours. How you're just useless and don't do nothing. You are just a guest in your own life. Yep, I know I'm a piece of shit. I know I'm nothing. I'm just done. I'll never be good enough. I'm not worth anything. It's fine. It's cool.

Sorry I am not who you want me to be.

People who grew up in toxic families are the kings of acting like nothing traumatic happened the next day

“You lived through that, you will live through this too”

Yes, but how many things do I have to live through? How many times do I have to be grateful I made it out alive? When do I get to stop surviving and start thriving?

I’m jealous of those who can function like a normal human being. They don’t have anxiety holding them back from everything, they don’t struggle to get out of bed or have to put on an act that everything is fine when its not. They don’t struggle to hold friendships and relationships… they don’t feel sad for no fucking reason everyday. Those that can hold jobs and work towards their dreams, the ones who have self esteem and see the beauty in themselves. Those that know what its like to feel safe and secure, not insecure and fearful of it all. 

my trauma didn’t make me stronger it made me addicted to escapism and terrified of facing reality

most of the time i do not love my family, I do not cherish the hurt and fear they forced me into, but on some days we all come together and we cook and eat and play and i see my little cousins and nieces and nephews and i realise I am now my mother, my aunts, my grandmas, i remember when I was little and my much older cousins would lift me up and toss me in the air and shake me around and I would tell and giggle and love and admire them because they were so much bigger, older, stronger, wiser, and now that I am the age they were at the time i realise they were not any less of a bunch of kids than I was, and i do not feel big, or old, or strong, or wise, except for when I hold the children's little hands as they run around and ask big questions and I know that role is mine now, and i want it and cherish it and it comes so natural, and i say the same words and do the same things and play the same pranks and tell the same jokes, and i feel that maybe if these kids are safe and happy and at peace, then my scared, traumatised little self can rest too, maybe she can heal playing with them, and maybe I wasn't the horrible, unlovable monster they convinced me I was, maybe I was no different than my little niece sitting in the sand and starlight and asking me why the sea is yellow, because she doesn't yet know that there is no magic in the light from the lampposts reflecting on the water.

idk if it’s the mental illness but sharing literally any information feels like oversharing. i’ll be like “i skipped breakfast this morning” and immediately im like “i might as well have told them where i buried the money”

— Vi Khi Nao, Fish in Exile

[text ID: This is my body cheating death. This is my body creating life.]

So..... I'm a ten?

She’s a ten but anytime she’s going through a hard time, she automatically reads and listens to music all day because she would rather escape this world and focus on other peoples sorrow and problems than her own.

“You sometimes think you want to disappear, but all you really want is to be found.”

— Kid Cudi

“We mature with the damage, not with the years.”

— Mateus William

Shawn leaving the Super Bowl game in LA (February 13th, 2022)

“Everyone makes mistakes in life but that doesn’t mean they have to pay for them for the rest of their life. Sometimes good people make bad choices. That doesn’t mean they’re bad. It means they’re human.”

— Unknown

“Words are so powerful. They can crush a heart, or heal it. They can shame a soul or liberate it. They can shatter dreams or energize them. They can obstruct connection or invite it. They can create defenses, or melt them. We have to use our words wisely.”

— Jeff Brown

“It’s not just other people we need to forgive. We need to forgive ourselves.”

— Unknown