Day 1: Reunions

ohhh femslash feb… may i request either franmaya or ikuzono? :-3c

heres a franmaya for you :3c

Hi there!

I will not be around for a long time because my university started. If you want to support me with my university expenses, I would like to tell you that I take drawing commissions on Fiverr. Because of the economic situation in our country, I draw for a very cheap price (I can draw anything. Yes... anything Even for 5 dollars I can draw pregnant sonic💀)

(But unfortunately paypal is not used in my country, this is the only way I can get drawing orders). Anyway. Here is the link! I really appreciate your support, see you in a few months!

smoke break

Fucked up actually how Garmadon is just. Never allowed to be happy and he knows it. He's a young kid who's going out of his way to protect his little brother and he gets so horrifically cursed and punished and doomed for it for the rest of his life, and he grows up knowing this will haunt and change him, that this will vilify him. There's all this talk of a 'balance' between good and evil and how both must exist, so does it drive Garmadon mad knowing that he is still technically playing a role in preserving the natural order of things, yet he will be despised and horrified by what he's done, grappling with the guilt in a best-case scenario, while others are celebrated because they're lucky enough to be chosen to fight for good instead?

He had to constantly fight the evil in his veins growing up, knowing it would eventually be over. But he still tried his best to do as much good as he possibly could, he tried not to hold it against Wu but at the same time... He took such an enormous bullet for his brother. Wu never asked him to do it, but Garmadon wasn't even allowed to agree to it either. I can see how easy it would've been to tell himself; Wu is going to grow old and loved and happy. I won't be. I deserve something for my sacrifice, for what I did for his sake.

What does he think, what right would we have to judge me, as if I haven't already lost it all for him, as if he doesn't have to contend with how he might act under the influence of the Great Devourer?! Garmadon actually gets this little bit of happiness with Misako, even a child... And fate plays the cruelest joke, practically punishing Garmadon for this, by making this child the very Green Ninja destined to defeat him; Why not someone else, like Morro dammit?! Even so, Garmadon does everything to NOT take out his frustration on Lloyd, despite knowing Lloyd is supposed to end any chance at happiness for Garmadon by ending his life.

The introduction of the Great Devourer's venom as a plot point is interesting, because it admittedly does absolve Garmadon of his wrongdoing (or make it very easy to) by re-contextualizing it all as something he's forced to commit, yet very much does try to fight against. Him continuing to love and care for Lloyd and look for loopholes out of fighting his son, instead of just destroying him, does prove how much he's trying to avert the venom's influence anyway. He IS trying.

I think the lingering specter looming over Garmadon over his inevitable fate must've like. Made it really hard for him to be happy at times, or even dare to dream of happiness. He committed his youth to saving the world, and then was trapped in the Underworld for years. He languishes alone with only the company of people who hate him and only go along out of coercion, people who DID choose to be evil. Garmadon has his agonizing stint as the lord of darkness, but still tries to help Lloyd, and after everything is freed.

And he still tries to atone!!! He still tries to make up for everything by swearing a vow of pacifism, and only rightfully goes back on that when an innocent life, his very son he does so much for, is threatened! Garmadon is allowed like, what? A few years of happiness with his wife and child, only a few years at best of not having to worry about the future because now destiny is out of the way and it's a fresh start for him, he can actually rest and breathe easy knowing there's no guaranteed doom ahead of him.

But he's still haunted by his past, still trying to make up for it; And then he has to sacrifice himself to save everyone all over again. And Garmadon dies, but he's not even allowed to stay dead because his soul is brought back in a fractured, tormented state, by someone who idolizes and misunderstands the worst period of his life, his greatest trauma. And now Garmadon is stumbling around, half-formed, incomplete, back in that same old trap and it's just so hard... But after everything, he still goes back to the same attempts at bettering himself, going against his nature one step at a time, in all of the little ways, rebuilding himself.

But his relationship with his son, this whole time, is deeply destroyed and fractured and hurt in a way it's never been before; And he and Lloyd never really get that reconciliation at the end of Crystalized. He doesn't get to be with his wife anymore and vice-versa. Garmadon is half a soul but still trying, he's always trying to be kind and good even in the worst of circumstances, it's his most natural instinct no matter how much tries to bury it underneath.

It's just. MAN; He really isn't allowed to be happy, isn't allowed to live or settle down. Truly doomed by the narrative, and by the hype of the Lego Ninjago Movie resurrecting the image of Lord Garmadon. Garmadon isn't allowed to hope, he isn't allowed to rest or settle down, it's just a constant battle for him. Sometimes I think he must've had a moment where he was just tired of being nice despite everything the world threw at him, that maybe he deserved a chance to go ape shit against everyone's ungrateful attitude and hypocritical condemnation by just embracing the darkness, and getting to think about himself for a moment; I think the closest to that was the love letter situation with Wu and Misako. A moment like that in the Oni trilogy would've been nice to see, though it has been a long while since I've watched it, so it may have happened.

Maybe Garmadon and the Overlord could've bonded over the fact that they're both doomed to play the role that nobody wants and everyone hates, yet is explicitly required by 'the balance' to exist nonetheless. I'd have loved to see him and Harumi interact in Crystalized, given Garmadon seems actually distraught when he accidentally kills her; It'd have done nice things for both characters to explore Garmadon's feelings about someone who chooses to glamorize his evil, but also weirdly enough appreciates him over it, too?

I'd have liked to see those two actually talk about the fact that Garmadon was doomed again all over, yet unintentionally maybe given a second chance at happiness, given his attempts at rehabilitation. And how does Harumi feel about this, how does she move on when her idol also fails her in this way? Does she keep clinging to a replacement like the Overlord, or just let go? It all turned to be NOT what she expected, both with the ninja and then with Garmadon.

It's like, man. The very concept of the 'balance' between good and evil having to exist, that there can't be too much evil but there also can't be too much good, and how this latter part is never explored because it exposes how fucked up the status quo is, it's driving me insane; Hell it drives Wu, Misako, Lloyd, and even Morro insane too. Someone has to take the fall, someone has to be the scapegoat, the sacrificial martyr, and be vilified for doing something everyone needs them to do. I'd go mad. Maybe that's the real reason for the Overlord's cruelty. And what happens if you take into account the original plan for Crystalized to reveal the Overlord is just the FSM's rejected Oni side?

Spoilers under the cutoff because there is no way I'm jumpscaring ya'll with the biggest gut-punch in the game. Also I'm pretty sure it'd be taller than me if printed out so bare with me!

I'm going to be talking about a very important section in Case 5-5: Turnabout for Tomorrow...

...because good god almighty, can we talk about how GOOD Simon's Mood Matrix segment is?!

Pretense: Facing Your Fears

Let's set the stage for Simon and Athena before we build to what I want to talk about. Context is important and in this case it helps make the following revelations that much more effective.

Both characters at this point have gone through hell and high water to save the other from a dreadful fate; Simon enduring 7 years on death-row to protect Athena from punishment for Metis' death, Athena studying law in spite of her intense fear and trauma to undo the damage done by his false confession. By the time we get here we've seen how deeply Athena is affected by her trauma. We've seen how far Simon is willing to go in the name of protecting Athena, going so far as to disregard his own sister's concern for his safety.

By the time of Turnabout for Tomorrow's trial, they have practically been pushed to their breaking points; Athena is indicted for Clay's murder and is confronted with the idea that she herself is responsible for the death of her mother - her memories of UR-1 resurfacing and being pushed back at the same time as the worst-case scenario becomes apparent. Simon's efforts to save Athena from this punishment have been rendered practically useless with her incarceration, the phantom slipping from his grasp, the guilt Athena would bear being the only thing he stands to protect her from.

At the end of Phoenix and Edgeworth's initial skirmish and seeming Guilty verdict, Simon steps in with one last effort to protect Athena's innocence in this matter. Even though she's set to be convicted for Clay's murder, this carries a lot more weight if ever she realised what he saw that day would prove her guilty of killing Metis Cykes.

Athena - despite a practical mental breakdown earlier that day - pushes herself to stand at the Defense's bench to achieve what she has been working towards from the day Phoenix inspired her to persue this career. She's very much still afraid, still rattled by the accusation Aura had made, stating that she wants to run out of the courtroom as she speaks. Despite this she pushes herself to stand there and ask Simon for the chance to face her worst fears - that of the UR-1 trial and the horrible idea that she could be guilty herself - by letting her reveal his true emotions.

Simon accepts, confident that his prowess in psychology can deflect her efforts, though nevertheless wary of the emotions he has kept under wraps for 7 years. Athena (& Phoenix I guess...) slowly dismantle his testimony in full-knowledge that he is lying for a reason - one that could potentially destroy her if proven true. Both of them are staring down the worst-case scenario for each other and trying desperately to keep the other away from that event.

Let's go over that testimony then, shall we? I'll go through it section by section.

Part 1: The False Confession

Simon's lie relies on people seeing him as a heartless killer. We see him build and reinforce that image in his trials, acting as beligerently and violently as he can muster without causing any real damage. By this point he's already slashed at & sicked his bird on just about everyone who's ever stood in court, save for Bobby Fulbright. He's had to be shocked by him just to stop.

Suffice to say it was pretty effective since it took a hostage situation to convince officials to give UR-1 a re-trial (even after the HAT-2 bombing implied that the crimes that day were purpetrated by another party).

To this end, he brought out every trick in the book to keep his true memories on the event at bay from prying eyes; his closed-off nature, his mastery of psychology, his training with blade and hawk alike, his time in prison exposed to the worst humanity had to offer. All of these were ample tools in ensuring that his image is not broken.

His anger and joy regarding his false murder are almost complete lies. At best, he's enraged that such a thing happened at all and glad that his scheme had worked to protect Athena. The phantom later on demonstrates that people can indeed fake their emotions, though some genuine feeling will slip through the cracks if you try.

Enter Athena. Not only does she have a keen ear for one's tone, she has studied psychology and put her mind towards applying her talent to the coutroom. Her Mood Matrix program makes what she hears apparent to even the least informed person and she's already cracked a good number of testimonies with this power (well, two in 5-3 since Apollo and Phoenix did all the others, though they couldn't have without her explaining things).

For most people, Simon's anger would overshadow the relief he felt when he found Athena in the laboratory. Just enough to keep his lie sound for the untrained ear. That same relief for Athena's safety is weaponised in the next two lines as he talks about how cathartic the act was, cementing his intentions to others.

His relief at Athena's safety did need some explaination - leaning on people's poor perceptions of Metis to help his story along - though aside from that? This testimony is practically impenetrable with only one easily explained oddity that only Athena could have ever picked up on.

As I said however, one's true emotions can't help but leak out. Even the best liars like Simon and the phantom can't help that.

Part 2: A Ronin's Remorse

Only two statements change at this point so those are the only ones I'll show here.

One, he's dropped the anger in the second line to focus on his relief. Before he only mentioned that he found her instead of Metis, using his anger to mask his thoughts as frustration that he had to wait for his plans to go through.

Two, his joy is replaced with intense sadness towards the act of plunging the katana into Metis. There's no mention of catharsis here; only describing what had happened to her. To that, he would feel a great sadness.

Naturally he would grieve Metis, though that would not track with his prior satisfaction with the act. So he leaned on Athena again to explain his emotions, and that does explain things rather cleanly.

Note that this is the only time his Noise Level drops, too. It goes from 100% to 40% here - it's the closest he's willing to get to how he truly felt about the event without giving the game away. Any closer and he would start revealing emotions that do not match his words in the slightest.

Part 3: Brief Shock

His noise level rises to 60% here, so the emotions displayed are less accurate to how he truly felt. Although his tale of grand homicide has shifted somewhat...

Now, his concern at the beginning wasn't killing Dr Cykes to rescue Athena; he entered the room because he heard that Athena was upset in the other room while looking for her in the Psychology Lab.

How true it is that Athena was crying at that moment is debatable given future revelations, though nothing's contradictary about this section. Perhaps at this point she hadn't thought to put Metis on the repair table having only just woken up, reacting much like any child would at the sight of her mother's body before the idea crossed her mind. We do have an hour's gap between Metis' death and Simon leaving the lab, after all.

In any case, Simon's relief has turned to shock in the moment he finds Athena in the Robotics Lab. Any mention of Athena at this stage is long gone - he only talks about his hurry to the Robotics Lab. It isn't clear what he would be so shocked by at this stage. Most anyone would know, not much was out of the ordinary when he walked into the room.

Look at how he hesitates before arriving at this explaination. His words are a lot shakier than they were for prior testimony, the excuse he gives a blatant lie to cover his tracks. The noise level goes up again with this as well, from 60% to a full 100%; Simon has completely obscured the events he witnessed once again.

This was the closest Athena and Phoenix got to poking at what he really saw in the lab and it clearly rattled him. Before, his reasoning was sound. Now, we're left wondering what he actually saw in there to result in that much shock...

Part 4: The Blade of Evidence

Unfortunately, this is where the Mood Matrix becomes useless. Simon has explained his contradictory emotions deftly up to this point; his relief at Athena's wellbeing, his grief at the loss of Metis Cykes, his surprise upon entering the lab. In stark contrast to a good few people subjected to Athena's therapy, Simon is the only one in the game that completely evades her attack. He knows how she operates & is well-versed in analytical psychology himself which shows in just how reasonable his explainations are up to this point.

But stacking lies upon lies only gets you so far until it begins to contradict the one thing he can't re-interpret; evidence.

This is the only time he takes damage during his entire time on the stand. When his words no longer match what is physically verifiable, there is no recourse - his psychological prowess cannot disprove cold, hard facts. Just as Athena's abilities cannot be used as hard proof, rather requiring proof in and of itself (usually in the form of a confession from the witness).

Simon can no longer lie about what it is he saw in the lab that day. There are no avenues through which he can explain his shock and by now Athena & Phoenix have dug through his thoughts quite extensively. With that decisive cut they've managed to open Simon to one last attack...

...saldy, by opening one of his deepest, most painful wounds.

Part 5: That Terrible Scene

By this point it's clear everyone is getting much more than they bargained for. Simon's shock was only the tip of the iceberg; a raging storm of emotions had been hidden from earshot for 7 long years, far away from even Athena's keen ears.

The fact she's surprised that Simon has been carrying this for so long shows just how early he's managed to keep this under a lid, that he's had to hide it from young Athena as well (who's hearing was much more sensitive than now).

Athena herself has managed to endure the sound of people's hearts this entire time, in stark contrast to when being around people too long made her dizzy to the point of needing headphones. We've only seen two emotions at most go overboard at once with Marlon Rimes and she managed just fine with that noise - the grief and anger associated with the loss of his lover Azura Summers (at that point her empathy is the only thing that really shows). Simon is different. He feels everything all at once with such intensity that it pains Athena to hear for the first time since her debut. It changes the Mood Matrix screen we see here to purple for the first time that wasn't her demonstrating something to her co-workers (see Yuri Cosmos' MM sequence). Beyond volume and intensity of emotion, the fact that the person she cared so much for as to practice law to save from death row is experiencing so much mental anguish himself is distressing. Something terrible happened that day. It shook the ever-stoic Simon into a state not seen in even the most wild witness so far. He's hidden it for Athena's sake this entire time, but... why?

He's intentionally vague about it this time, compared to his more detailed accounts of the events. "That terrible scene!" leaves a lot to the imagination and nothing that comes to mind is comforting.

We all know why Athena's the defendant in this trial; Aura thinks she killed Metis Cykes that day. Edgeworth supports her theory through evidence that even Phoenix can't counter up to this point. Simon intervened in order to stop their efforts to indict her by lying about what happened that day.

Lying about... what, exactly, is the most concerning question. At this point the only two plausible explainations are that either Simon or Athena had done it. Savvier players might remember that Clonco stops by for a recharge at 2PM, same time as the crime, though Simon and Athena left the room at 3PM. There's a SMALL chance that what he saw could contradict what's been posited so far, though chances aren't looking great.

Also note that his line "I had no choice but to kill my mentor!" has gotten shorter. No mention of not wanting to hand Athena over. Just declaring in sheer hysteria that he did it and had no choice but to do it.

Simon is in a panic. Athena is reeling from her old friend's inner turmoil. No one is quite sure if what's about to be revealed will be in their favour.

He's very obviously concerned with Athena first and foremost; this entire act goes against even his own sister's wants, after all. That's where the centre of his most complex emotions lie.

And what do we find at the eye of the storm?

Part 6: Fixing Her Mother

Dr Cykes was already dead. Athena stood before her body on the repair table, bloody katana not too far away from her. She's covered in blood and no doubt in shock, but otherwise safe and sound.

Then Simon drops the bombshell; Athena looked at him with this look on her face and told him the following:

So.

Allow me to impart how gut-wrenching this entire sequence is.

On its own, it's already dark as dark can be. A smiling, dead-eyed little girl covered in blood is a sight to shake the hardiest to their core (the suspension of disbelief not withstanding - this is a cartoon depiction). I'm not the biggest fan of how Dual Destinies tends to jump between 3D and 2D anime but it can work. And boy does this work.

In context, this is Athena looking at Simon when he finds her mother Metis dead on the repair table. There's a bloody katana right by her and a stab wound on Metis. Athena has her mothers blood on her. She's smiling. Completely detatched from what is going on around her while looking Simon dead in the eye, telling him that she's about to take her mother apart to "fix" her.

Simon is in a whirlwind of emotions over this; grief at his mentor's death and for Athena's loss, relief that she's alive and well, furious that Metis had been murdered, and shocked that not only that this happened, not only that it seemingly happened because of her daughter... but that she's smiling as she's telling him the most horrific thing he could hear after seeing all of this.

Although. Simon isn't the only one Athena is looking at in this image.

She's also looking at herself. Her older self, the one that's just been told she killed her mother and how she intended to "fix" the situation.

Athena has not processed what happened that day by this point - her memories are still tucked away behind 5 Black Psyche Locks as a truth even she isn't aware of. Some parts of that memory come back to her here; the memory of stabbing someone with a blade, telling Simon she's going to "fix" Metis... but nothing more. The phantom is still hidden away from view. So the only logical conclusion she can come to at this point is that she did kill her mother that day.

She processes all of that while looking at herself, dead in the eye, covered in her mother's blood and smiling as if nothing's wrong.

She's looking back at the most innocent form of herself during the single worst event in her life. And she's smiling back at her.

Even better, she's looking at YOU. The player. Taking all of these dreadful things in while you and Athena are forced to witness something that shook SIMON SODDING BLACKQUILL to his core, before Athena finally breaks and screams in a combination of denial and anguish that her worst fear had come to light.

It's only worse when Simon explains that Metis Cykes truly did love Athena. Everything that she had done - especially the headphones Athena hated oh so much - was done to help her lead a normal life in spite of her condition. Simon, being well attuned to the needs and motivations of others, picked up on this and saw the Cykes for more than what they appeared. He did not want to believe that Athena would so callously kill her mother and rip her apart on her own machine. Without any evidence to prove the contrary, he took the fall to save her from guilt he saw as unjust. It had to be some kind of mistake... right?

Athena, on top of reliving UR-1 under the worst possible context, is practically frozen in her shivering pose the entire time. Without any evidence to the contrary, she has no reason to believe it wasn't her. Her faith in herself has completely shattered at this point. She was brave in wanting to confront the truth Simon had hidden all these years - especially after what Aura said while she was in the Detention Centre. Unfortunately it only revealed the worst for both characters; Simon's drive to protect Metis' daughter had been for naught, and Athena now has to live with the knowledge that in the abscence of decisive evidence, she had set every terrible thing that happened to the her, Simon, and Aura in motion 7 years ago.

I could nark about Phoenix's involvement here. How he steals much of Athena's thunder and how she would have been more fitting to point out the flaws in Simon's testimony, perhaps even showing some growth as a standard evidence-presenting lawyer through disproving the Ponco explaination. I do wish he was written and utilised better, though I completely understand why Athena specifically is out of commission for this part of the re-trial, especially immediately after Aura and Simon's revelations about her part in UR-1.

The trauma Athena experienced has a significant affect on her throughout DD and she's shown that enough pressure being built on her is enough to shut her down completely. UR-1 itself is horrific enough to warrent such a total shutdown in the times it occurs - specifically in regards to not being able to save a friend from a false conviction. The game does a good job in building up to and justifying her reactions. Having her truck on in spite of this is very much in the Athena spirit but there's a clear breaking point; going past that would reduce the impact significantly.

I do still think it would have been more effective for her to pick apart Simon's testimony though. You can't have your faux-protagonist make a big hoo-ha about being given a chance and then hand the steering-wheel to the guy who only learned of Simon's situation THAT SAME DAY-

Ahem. Sorry about that.

My gripes aside, this is a very effective and powerful sequence that makes the triumph later on all the more impactful. This struggle between two people trying to save the other, briefly falling into the darkest moment of both their lives, then somehow coming back from it is the main reason I cried over Simon thanking Athena while she finally let loose those tears of joy.

Dual Destinies can be amazing when it isn't being stupid, you know?

A complex and many-layered thing

But Harry’s anger at Snape continued to pound through his veins like venom. Let go of his anger? He could as easily detach his legs. . . .

This is the first Occlumency lesson. Harry is right, of course. Feelings don’t go away because you want them to. To let go of them when they’ve not been addressed or validated can be as hard as detaching a leg. And yet, it’s what Dumbledore asked Snape to do, and it’s what Snape had to do to survive the first war as Dumbledore’s spy. You have to ask yourself… how?

Trapped animals chew off their own legs to escape. It’s a sacrifice they make to survive.

If there’s one thing in a fic that turns me off it, it’s the idea that Occlumency shields are a thing, that Severus was so gifted at it because he’s got some power like Second Sight or being a metamorphagus. I always preferred to think of Occlumency and Legilimency as skills that can be learned, even if some have more aptitude for it than others.

Severus entered Hogwarts with the kind of life experience that primed him for developing these skills, and left it with even more. Occlumency is magical dissociation, a post-traumatic coping mechanism, and Severus has C/PTSD. More under the cut; tw: just general angst.

To survive, he would have had to develop a knack for telling how explosive and unpredictable people feel. Over his life, he faced at least two egregious examples of what Pete Walker, author of “Complex PTSD” calls “the Charming Bully”.

Especially devolved fight types can become sociopathic. Sociopathy can range along a continuum that stretches from corrupt politician to vicious criminal. A particularly nasty sociopath, who I call the charming bully, probably falls somewhere around the middle of this continuum. The charming bully behaves in a friendly manner some of the time. He can even occasionally listen and be helpful in small amounts, but he still uses his contempt to overpower and control others. This type typically relies on scapegoats for the dumping of his vitriol. These unfortunate scapegoats are typically weaker than him. […] He generally spares his favorites from this behavior, unless they get out of line. If the charming bully is charismatic enough, those close to him will often fail to register the unconscionable meanness of his scapegoating. The bully’s favorites often slip into denial, relieved that they are not the target. Especially charismatic bullies may even be admired and seen as great.

These would be James Potter and Tom Riddle, who are distantly related, I might add. Harry inherited the tendency to default to the fight response, but since he grew up the scapegoat and not the golden child, he never becomes quite as appalling, and after all, a fight response is normal when they are after you. Even so, Harry, who has both James and Voldemort inside him, triggers Severus to no end. It’s not a coincidence that the memories Harry sees when he is with him are largely horrible, and vice versa. There had to be happy or at least neutral or even boring moments, but these two detest each other, and they know they detest each other. Negative emotions and associated memories are so close to the surface they can’t be contained. This is the purpose of the Pensieve in this context - to contain the emotions. Since Severus knew what was in there when he pulled Harry out, my theory is that you don’t suddenly forget the memories you placed there, but rather you make them less fraught with emotions.

“Get up!” said Snape sharply. “Get up! You are not trying, you are making no effort, you are allowing me access to memories you fear, handing me weapons!”

Harry stood up again, his heart thumping wildly as though he had really just seen Cedric dead in the graveyard. Snape looked paler than usual, and angrier, though not nearly as angry as Harry was. “I — am — making — an — effort,” he said through clenched teeth.

“I told you to empty yourself of emotion!”

“Yeah? Well, I’m finding that hard at the moment,” Harry snarled.

“Then you will find yourself easy prey for the Dark Lord!” said Snape savagely. “Fools who wear their hearts proudly on their sleeves, who cannot control their emotions, who wallow in sad memories and allow themselves to be provoked this easily — weak people, in other words — they stand no chance against his powers! He will penetrate your mind with absurd ease, Potter!”

A lot to unpack here.

“Memories you fear,” “weapons”, “easy prey”.

Fearing your own memories, viewing your own lived experiences as weapons to be used against you, being easy prey… Severus could not be speaking louder of himself here. He is the one whose mind had been penetrated with absurd ease, he is the one who handed weapons to Voldemort, and he is the one who had to do the psychological equivalent of detaching his own leg – again and again – to survive.

I’ll argue that Severus developed a fawn response and a flight response, as fighting had never really worked out for him if it was possible at all. He had at least two more people I’d describe as bullies in his life, Tobias and Lucius.

Again from Pete Walker:

These [fawn] response patterns are so deeply set in the psyche, that as adults, many codependents automatically respond to threat like dogs, symbolically rolling over on their backs, wagging their tails, hoping for a little mercy and an occasional scrap. Webster’s second entry for fawn is: “to show friendliness by licking hands, wagging its tail, etc.: said of a dog.” I find it tragic that some codependents are as loyal as dogs to even the worst “masters”.

Remember what Sirius called him? Lucius’s lapdog. Bellatrix called him Dumbledore’s pet, Dumbledore said he dangles on Voldemort’s arm, the narrative compares Snape to a rabbit in SWM and Harry compares the Half Blood Prince to a beloved pet who had gone feral (yes, this does mean a lot to me on a personal level, yes my username is not a coincidence).

His unconscious fawn response might have been his undoing, drawn as he was to figures like Lucius and Voldemort. As an adult, I think he utilized the skills he had developed to survive in order to stitch these people up, and involuntary dissociation and fawning became Occlumency, which to me, is his signature magic. Harry needed only to banish Voldemort from his mind; Severus could not settle for this. He had to give Voldemort something, and knowing how to fawn meant knowing what to give him and how to draw himself in such a light that Voldemort would believe it. We see how he wanted to be seen by the Death Eaters: a self-serving coward who sought to hide behind Dumbledore’s apron, playing his pet. But that’s Pettigrew, not Snape. Imagine the self-immolation, the self-violation, it must have taken to convince everyone that you’re an ersatz Wormtail! Snape is a man and a prince, and the text recognizes this as Harry calls him, in the end, Dumbledore’s man, the bravest man, and as that chapter is called “The Prince’s Tale”. Voldemort thought Snape was nothing more than a “good and faithful servant,” and that his last words were “My Lord”.

But Severus had an unequaled gift for Occlumency, specifically against Voldemort, because Voldemort could not legilimens what he couldn’t feel; and he couldn’t feel love, grief, guilt, and remorse. This was Severus’s secret weapon, which would not have worked against Harry - who can feel these things, and who is also Lily’s son. I can prove it. The first time Harry gets the hang of Occlumency is after Dobby dies:

His scar burned, but he was master of the pain; he felt it, yet was apart from it. He had learned control at last, learned to shut his mind to Voldemort, the very thing Dumbledore had wanted him to learn from Snape. Just as Voldemort had not been able to possess Harry while Harry was consumed with grief for Sirius, so his thoughts could not penetrate Harry now, while he mourned Dobby. Grief, it seemed, drove Voldemort out . . . though Dumbledore, of course, would have said that it was love. . . .

Harry learned to dissociate, though fortunately in a healthier way than many of us ever get to.

Of course, Snape was a good and faithful servant… to Dumbledore, which brings us to the flight response. The chapter wherein he escapes after killing Dumbledore is called “Flight of the Prince”. He should be fighting, he had just proven that he can cast a killing curse, and yet he flees. He can literally fly, in fact: He, Lily, and Voldemort are the only ones we see pulling this off.

As a child, we see this too: He copes with his home situation by reminding himself “it won’t be long and I’ll be gone.” He is thrilled when he imagines Hogwarts, his escape; he follows Lily out of the carriage instead of confronting James and Sirius head-on (which might have saved them all a lot of pain eventually). But this doesn’t work out, we see that in terrifying detail. The next attempt at an escape is joining the Death Eaters, but this too doesn’t work out.

He can’t flee anymore.

“Severus, you cannot pretend this isn’t happening!” Karkaroff’s voice sounded anxious and hushed, as though keen not to be overheard. “It’s been getting clearer and clearer for months. I am becoming seriously concerned, I can’t deny it —”

“Then flee,” said Snape’s voice curtly. “Flee — I will make your excuses. I, however, am remaining at Hogwarts.”

Shortly thereafter:

“Severus,” said Dumbledore, turning to Snape, “you know what I must ask you to do. If you are ready . . . if you are prepared . . .”

“I am,” said Snape.

He looked slightly paler than usual, and his cold, black eyes glittered strangely.

He was ready, and he was prepared. He didn’t fly; he walked toward what might well have been his end with open eyes, armed only with the strength of his mind. Before Voldemort killed him, he looked pale, again, and terrified.

“I sought a third wand, Severus. The Elder Wand, the Wand of Destiny, the Deathstick. I took it from its previous master. I took it from the grave of Albus Dumbledore.”

And now Snape looked at Voldemort, and Snape’s face was like a death mask. It was marble white and so still that when he spoke, it was a shock to see that anyone lived behind the blank eyes.

I ask myself if this was the moment he realized he had been betrayed, that by giving Dumbledore a painless death he had secured his own. Maybe he wasn’t pale because he was scared; maybe he was pale because he was shocked. He was at his absolute limit, Occluding with all his might when he could have easily saved himself. The dam is about to break. All the memories he feared, all the weapons, the entire content of his heart is about to spill through - literally.

He fawned for Voldemort, the worst of all possible masters, but in the end, he was Voldemort’s undoing. All the ways in which he was weak and powerless against Tobias, James, Lucius, et al., proved to be part of goodness and source of his power. It doesn’t surprise me in the least that Snape is so loved. I’ve never actually seen such love for any other fictional character. He represents a kind of courage that many of us need to get by, lest we simply become evil or give the fuck up (“I wish I was dead”). A kind of courage rarely celebrated. The more time I’ve spent in the fandom in general and in the Snapedom in particular, the more I am convinced of this.

In honor of autism awareness month, here's a full comprehensible list as to why I think Rui is autistic, or at the very least, neurodivergent !!!! - 1, For starters, he was ostracized by his classmates for presumably almost a decade (2nd grade - 1st yr of high school), all because he was "different" and nobody around him could properly understand him. This has resulted in him struggling to form and maintain relationships. As stated in his second focus event, Revival My Dream, when he was a kid, Rui had a hard time conversering with his classmates because he felt as if he couldn't connect with them.

He's interested in more niche things, like robotics,

and he was also interested in things that people normally regard as "scary", such as moths;

After he became fond of shows and theater as well and attempted to include his classmates in one he thought of in an attempt to grow closer to them, his idea ultimately backfired since his classmates thought his way of directing was "dangerous", and this is where the ostracization seemed to start.

(translation by Arvon Oven) Being ostracized and shunned is unfortunately a common thing with people who have autism, and as I mentioned previously, Rui was alone for presumably seven years straight, all because he was regarded as "different". - 2, He has "restricted, obsessive interests" that can be seen as hyperfixations/special interests. Ever since he was a child, Rui's been heavily interested in both robotics/inventing and shows. A hyperfixation is described as, "A complete obsession with or absorption into a particular task. The task can be a hobby, a TV show, a subject of interest, or something else. People who hyperfixate may tune out the world around them and ignore important responsibilities, such as eating or sleeping." Rui's interest in shows specifically can be seen as a hyperfixation, as in the first side story of his Unforeseen Keynotes (or Unexpected Happenings according to the English translation) card, Rui was so engrossed in thinking about the next show they'd be doing, he had completely forgotten that Robo-Nene was due for maintenance, and Nene mentions that this wouldn't be the first time he's forgotten to eat or sleep because of how engrossed he gets in his thoughts while thinking about shows.

Nene also mentions in Wonderlands x Showtime's main story that Rui becomes so absorbed in his shows that he "loses sight of everything else", (In the original Japanese version, she says "When it comes to shows, he isn't able to look at his surroundings, so things never work out".)

and also in KAMIKOU FESTIVAL!, where he mentions that his tendency to put shows "at the center of everything" might be a flaw of his;

(translation by Ren) It's also mentioned in A Once-In-A-Lifetime Pandemonium!? that he'll get so absorbed in his thoughts while thinking of shows, he'll completely forget about his surroundings.

(translation by tsukasa’s #3 fan) - 3, He has texture issues, which is also common with people who have autism. It's been mentioned multiple times throughout the course of the game that he detests vegetables, but more specifically cucumbers and things in the cucurbitaceae family (such as watermelon & pumpkin), because they all share the same texture.

He mentions in an area conversation with Nene that he usually only eats at restaurants he's familiar with (he sticks to routine; another thing common with people who have autism), so eating out has never been an issue to him, and he even refused to eat vegetables when they were quite literally stranded on a deserted island and in a life-threatening situation.

- 4, He info-dumps. A lot.

This one is pretty self-explanatory, I think. - 5, He's overly logical and struggles with his emotions. He's had trouble on multiple occasions understanding his emotions, such as in Full Power! Wonder Halloween! where he unconsciously holds himself back after inadvertently injuring Tsukasa with one of his inventions, but he didn't realize that he was even holding himself back until somebody pointed it out, and he didn't realize that he was holding himself back because he was worried, either. Something similar happens in Heat Up! Kamikou High Cheering Squad! where he unconsciously holds himself back because he feared being shunned again, but once again, he didn't realize the reason for him holding himself back until somebody pointed it out for him. In the first side story of his I Can't Afford to Lose *4 card, Rui comes to the Sekai, hoping to talk to somebody to put his mind at ease. As he runs into Meiko and Luka and they ask him what's wrong because he seemed down, Rui says that "I just wanted to think about production, but my feelings got in the way of thinking". He then says "Feelings really are troublesome. / Sometimes, you have to hold them back with all of your might... It'd be nice if someone other than me could manage these troublesome feelings". (In the English translation, he says "Emotions are so complicated and can be so troublesome at times. / There are even times when one becomes completely overwhelmed by them... If only someone else were able to help put a lid on them.") Lastly, I'd like to mention that in Revival My Dream, after Rui asks his mom if he's different from the people around him, she responds by saying that, yes, he is different, but she also says that she was "just like him" as a child, and seeing how autism is caused mainly by genetics, his mom can very well be autistic too.

Okay, that is all!!! Thank you for listening to me yap :3

Nahyuta presented to followers.

Here’s a treasure trove of metas and pro-Snape arguments, created by myself and @snapedefense years ago: https://docs.google.com/document/u/1/d/1rhXsQexRncfA00b0CA9Dy59-T5hrtgkqbEb41pLU-YI/mobilebasic

The LJ metas are particularly high quality