Anders: Hewwo! I Will Be Youw Suwgeon Today! Intewnal Bweeding You Say? Let’s Make Ouw Fiwst Wittle

Leviathan: i wish i lacked critical thinking skills like mammon, he seems so happy

Xingqiu: you get turned back into a baby but retain all your skills and memory, what do you do?

Razor: eat a nickel

Xingqiu: a reminder: you have retained all your skills and memory

Razor: eat a nickel

Xingqiu: ok

Baizhu, holding a spine model: this is your spine

Chongyun: wtf put it back

The Council: Shepard.

Shepard: Am I in trouble?

The Council: Take a guess.

Shepard: No?

The Council: Take another guess.

On April 27, 2034 at 11:22 pm you will perish in a fire. Be prepared.

On April 27, 2034 at 11:22 pm you’ll join me

Childe: barbecue time! i have steaks, chicken, beef patties, and sausage what do you want?

Ganyu: im vegan

Childe: try the guillotine

me holding a gun to a mushroom: tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit

mushroom: can you feel your heart burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. you cannot kill me in a way that matters

me cocking the gun, tears streaming down my face: I’M NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU

Kaeya: hey how do you like this picture i painted

Diluc: do you accept constructive criticism

Kaeya: sure

Diluc: it fucking sucks

Kaeya: that wasn’t constructive criticism

the shogi fans ending up being a part of a massive rebellion because the ronin won like three games was genuinely one of the funniest parts of book 5

Asmodeus: your hair doesn’t go with your outfit. you look kind of halloween-y

Mammon: the fuck is up your ass today?

Asmodeus: a worm. just to make me lose a few pounds