My Favorite Bits Are

"I'm best when I cheat", yeah, cheat on your WIFE, marvin

that's pretty much it

on another note your art style is scrumdiddlyumptious, made my whole morning actually

still figuring out how to draw these dummies

PART 11 BABY, BOOYAH!

-

Evan: That's ridiculous! Jared doesn't have a crush on me!

Connor: Yes he does.

Alana: Yes he does.

Jared: Yes I do.

-

Jared: Where's Evan?

Zoe: Connor locked him in the bathroom...

Connor: Damnit, Zoe! You weren't supposed to tell him!

Jared: Nah, I'm cool with it.

-

Evan: I am darkness. I am power. I am your worst nightmare. I could kill a man in more ways than you can even imagine. I am the fury, I am the weapon, I am-

Zoe: A doll.

Alana: A cinnamon roll!

Jared: A sweetheart

Evan:

Evan: Stop it....

-

Connor: The hell is up with Kleinman? He's been laying there on the floor, for like, an hour?

Alana: He's just a little overwhelmed.

Connor: Oh really. From what?

Zoe: Evan smiled at him.

-

Jared: *Taps fingers on table*

Connor: *Taps back*

Alana: What are they... doing?

Evan: Morse code.

Jared: *Aggressively taps fingers on table*

Connor: biTCH YOU TAKE THAT FUCKING BACK-

-

Jared: Evan's gone! We can do anything. What does everyone want?

Miguel: I want Connor back.

Jared:

Jared: I've got, like, 12 dollars.

-

Alana: Jared isn't answering his phone.

Evan: I'll call.

Zoe: Me and Alana have both separately tried 6 times, what makes you think-

Jared: Hello?

-

Connor: The moon looks beautiful tonight.

Miguel: Mhmm.

Zoe: Should we tell them that it's just a tortilla we threw at the window earlier?

Evan: Ehh....

-

Connor: Your grounded.

Zoe: I'm... grounded?

Connor: Yes, your grounded.

Jared: We're gonna bury you until you learn your lesson.

Zoe: That's not how grounding works.

-

Jared: ARE YOU-

Zoe: Fucking.

Jared: KIDDING ME? THIS IS-

Zoe: Bullshit.

Alana: What are you doing?

Zoe: Evan took away Jared's swearing privileges, so I'm helping him out.

-

Alana: Why does Jared have a black eye?

Evan: He was saying 'Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me'.

Evan: So Connor threw a dictionary at him.

Connor: It was just to test a theory.

-

Looks like a cinnamon roll/Can actually kill you: Jared

Looks like they can kill you/ Is actually a cinnamon roll: Evan

Looks like a cinnamon roll/IS a cinnamon roll: Alana

Looks like they can kill you/CAN actually kill you: Connor

-

Zoe: Truth or dare.

Jared: Dare.

Zoe: Kiss the hottest person in the room.

Jared: Hey, Alana?

Alana: I-um-yeah?

Jared: Could you move, Evan's right behind you?

-

Jared: You have friends and I envy that.

Evan: You can share my friends???

Jared: *Looks at Alana and Connor*

Jared: Yeah, I don't want those.

-

Connor: Hey bitch, do you love Evan?

Jared: I guess, yeah.

Connor: HA! Take that, Zoe. You owe me one hundred bucks, I told you he was gay!

Jared: Dude, everyone loves Evan? You should have asked if I was in love with him.

Connor: I thought that was implied.

Jared: ...

Connor: ...

Zoe: Connor, I think you just earned yourself one hundred dollars.

-

Evan: *Sits down*

Alana: This bench is freshly painted :)

-

Evan: Oh my god, I think I like Jared.

Connor: Congratulations, you are officially the LAST one of us to figure that out.

Connor, turning his head: Hey, Miguel! I won the bet!

-

Miguel, looking at Evan and Zoe: They make a cute couple, don't they?

Jared, annoyed with Zoe and Evan at this point: They certainly are standing next to each other...

-

SPOOKY QUOTES!

Connor, high asf: Trick or YEET?

Child: Uh... yeet?

Connor: *Throws the child*

-

Jared, texting: So, what do you want to be for that halloween party?

Evan, texting: Yours :)

Jared:

Jared: Yeah, that would be pretty scary.

-

Alana: I thought you were setting up decorations for halloween?

Jared: I am.

Alana: Your just hanging up pictures of Connor.

Jared: You said you wanted scary decorations.

-

[In a horror movie... phone rings]

Evan: Yes?

Killer: I can see you.

Evan:

Killer:

Evan:

Killer:

Evan, panicking: Do I look good?

-

Evan: Guys, we're out of candy.

Jared: Wha... but there's only been, like, three kids so far?

Evan: Yeah, but this little girl told me she loved me and I panicked and just ended up giving her everything.

-

Evan: So.. what's your type?

Jared: Most likely someone who I'm not constantly on the same page with, who I can sort of argue with playfully and who likes talking about their interests. And like, their favourite season is spring, and their favourite holiday is Halloween, and their cute.

Evan: Oh, that sounds like me.

Evan: Too bad I'm not cute.

Jared:

Jared: Did I mention stupid?

Evan: Uh... no?

Jared: Well I meant to. Just making sure.

-

Jared: I'm not doing too well.

Jared: I have this headache that comes and goes.

Evan: *Walks in*

Jared: Oh, there it is again.

-

Jared: What are you, five?

Evan: Yeah,

Evan: Five heads taller than you.

Jared:

Evan:

Jared:

Evan: I am so sorry, please don't kill me.

-

Alana: Great work with the halloween decorations! Where did you get the fake skulls from?

Connor: F a k e ?

-

Miguel: It's totally fine you didn't dress up for halloween.

Connor: Oh no, I'm dressed up as a straight person.

Evan: *Walks in wearing the same thing as Connor*

Connor, looking at Jared: See?

-

Miguel: What should I be for halloween?

Connor: My boyfriend.

-

Alana: Jared! What is this?

Jared: My to-do list.

Alana: Oh, that's great! I'm so glad that your starting to-

Alana:

Alana: Jared, this just says 'Evan'.

MORE DEH INCORRECT QUOTES HAHA!!! (Mostly Kleinsen; Warning lol)

-

Jared: Hey, are you okay?

Evan: Yeah.

Jared: You don't look okay...

Evan: Then stop looking.

-

Evan: Why are you drinking?

Jared: I drink when I'm depressed.

Evan: But you're always drinking?

Jared: *smug grin*

-

Jared, trying to comfort Evan: What's the problem? Anxiety? Low self-esteem? Obsessive thoughts of random arson? I've been there.

-

Miguel: I am in charge of this disaster!

Connor: I have a name, you know.

-

Jared: I have issues.

Evan: Finally, you admit it! The first step to redemption is to accept-

Jared: With you.

-

Jared: My only talent is being stress.

Alana: Don't you mean stressed?

Jared: No.

-

Evan: Are you ever going to listen to me?

Jared: Yes. Absolutely.

Evan: When?

Jared: When you're right.

-

Connor: You have your weirdly sincere humility.

Jared: I prefer the term "self-loathing", actually.

-

Jared: What? I'm not aggressive!

Evan: Last Tuesday, you wacked me with a pair of crocs and stole my chocolate chips?

Jared: Survival of the fittest, bitch.

-

Evan: Why are you on fire?

Jared: This is just how my day is going.

-

Evan: Dammit! You ruin everything!

Jared, finger-gunning: Your welcome.

-

Jared: *Seductively takes off glasses*

Jared: Wow...

Evan: *Blushes* Haha... what?

Jared: You're really fucking blurry.

-

Miguel: You remind me of the ocean.

Connor: Because I'm deep and mysterious?

Miguel: No, because you're full of salt and you scare people.

-

Miguel: When I said bring me something back from the beach I meant like a conch shell!

Connor: *Struggling to hold a seagull* Fucking say that next time!

-

Connor: I’m sad.

Miguel: Don’t be sad, because sad backwards is das.

Miguel: And das not good.

-

Jared: Wanna get out of here and grab a bite to eat.

Evan: I don’t usually eat with losers.

Jared: Neither do I but I asked you, didn’t I?

-

Jared: Remember what I told you.

Evan: 'Don't be a cunt.'

-

Jared: Hey, you wanna tarot card reading?

Evan: Those are Pokemon cards-

Jared: You got a magikarp.

Evan: ...

Jared: It means 'fuck you.'

-

Evan: Pardon the intrusion, but-

Jared: On this moment, or just my life in general?

-

Connor: I can never give Miguel shit because I’m jealous of him. He looks at his life and says, “Sweet! This is perfect!”

Connor: I look at my life and say, “Welp. Time to get drunk.”

-

Evan: How much did you spend on this date?

Jared: $1400. But all of it's on credit cards, so it's like $5 a month for the next 2,000 years.

-

Jared: You’ve got to learn to love yourself.

Evan: But don't you hate yourself.

Jared: Yeah, but this is about you. Stay focused.

remember in School of Rock where the black girl was afraid to say she wanted to be a singer because she was fat and didn’t want to get laughed at but Dewey was all “who gives a shit, I’m fat too and so is aretha franklin but we’re still valuable and we rock” and then the girl felt better without having to be told that beauty comes in all sizes or some other bullshit. thats the kind of body positivity I’m looking for. tell these babies that they’re worth a damn without tying it to any other arbitrary ideals

new addition!! (Daphne SLIH + trans flag)

I’m still very much taking suggestions for these lol

"my gaydar is not stupid. I do not have stupid gaydar 😡" continues to go on a rant about how he hates the mere mention of the word 'gaydar.'

christian borle is an icon 😭

"My gaydar is not stupid" is a sentence I never thought I'd hear come out of christian borle

finally I hear somebody else speaking of this EHAT IS GOING ON??????? WHY IS THERE A CYCLE

christian borle should play prof. callahan in a remake of legally blonde on broadway and his emmett should one day play marvin on a falsettos revival to keep the cycle of marvins playing callahan

Jesus. 🙄🤬

It's queer Mr. Marvin! ...sorry 😅

It's funny how a silly fictional character can come into your life and then take over your entire brain chemistry