Latest Posts by strongshape - Page 8

Affirmations for your Inner Child

And when someone you care about has a mental health crisis, please keep in mind that it's not About You™️. They are not doing it to you, or because of you, or because they don't value your love. And they can't stop it because it's upsetting you or triggering you. Because it's just NOT about you. Don't make it about you

you have to admit there are some joys in life that can only be felt due to hardship. a common example is steaming hot showers. it takes a cold day, or a sickness, for someone to experience the joy of a hot shower. you can’t enjoy it in the heat. then there’s the joy of a fulfilling sleep, often achieved through a tiring day. and there’s the joy of a reunion, achieved through separation. and there are many more examples. sometimes difficulty carries a special range of joys and that’s something to be thankful about.

“If you don’t leave your past in the past it will destroy your future. Live for what today has to offer, not for what yesterday has taken away.”

— Unknown

Reminder that you're actually interesting. Your hobbies are interesting, your interests are interesting, you are important and loveable and people appreciate you. You're just a loveable, interesting person.

By the way, you’re worthy now.

Not when you’ve healed. Not even when you started your healing journey. You don’t need to be in a certain place on your healing journey.

You are worthy now, as you are. You don’t need to “earn it”.

Please forgive yourself for all the versions you couldn't become. Forgive yourself for the wrong things you said. Forgive yourself for not knowing what you wish you knew by now. Forgive yourself for the darker and shadowed parts of you, that are still just as beautiful. We have to learn to be able integrate all of the parts of ourselves because they are each in their own ways magnetic and beautiful.

things people don’t talk about enough with cptsd:

feeling like you’re back in traumatic situations when you get triggered/overreacting to perceived threats

not trusting people easily and pushing people away when triggered

increased risk of ending up in abusive/toxic environments

feeling exhausted for long periods of time

physical symptoms like nausea, migraines, body pain

regularly feeling guilty or embarrassed

feeling “different”, “damaged”, or “dirty”

not trusting your own feelings

relapsing after a major trigger

being uncertain of identity

intrusive thoughts of being harmed

experiencing age regression

compulsive masturbation/hypersexuality

attempts to avoid abandonment

over-communicating while feeling scared of true vulnerability

addictive and adrenaline-seeking personality traits

feeling the need to keep things secret or rebel

Please stop saying things like "There are two types of people..." or "There are two options..." "It's either...or...". No! False. Wrong.

There are so many types of people, so many options, that you would need several giant books to write everything in. There are at least 8 billion types of humans, with more than one defining trait. Then, all the myriads of options for everything else that exists. After that, you just have to add all the options and types for everything you don't know and won't know in your lifetime about people, elements and life on Earth, the Solar System and the Universe.

How could there ever be two options/types/behaviors/ideas/elements of anything?

Life is naturally complex.

Stop trying to reduce it.

Stop trying to feel as if you understand it.

It's okay if you don't.

By the way, you’re worthy now.

Not when you’ve healed. Not even when you started your healing journey. You don’t need to be in a certain place on your healing journey.

You are worthy now, as you are. You don’t need to “earn it”.

Examples of Irrational Thoughts/Cognitive Distortions:

These are common errors in thinking. And sometimes these distortions can cause us distress or other strong emotions.

Black and White Thinking: This is all or nothing thinking. For example, if you see yourself as failing at one thing, you think it makes you a failure at everything. "I didn't pass my driver's test. I can't ever do anything right."

Overgeneralization: This is where if one thing happens that is bad, you assume all things will be bad. For example, "I woke up late this morning. This day is doomed to be terrible."

Ignoring the Positive: You disqualify any positive and focus on the negative. Maybe you got an A on a test, but are disregarding that because you messed up somewhere else.

Jumping to Conclusions: You ignore facts in favour of your own interpretations. You may assume your friend hates you despite them inviting you to the movies the day before because they gave you a short response.

Mind Reading: This is making a conclusion about how someone else is feeling. "My friend hates me. I can tell."

Possibilities to Cope with Irrational Thoughts / Cognitive Distortions

Check the Facts: Here’s a post I wrote on this.

Challenging Irrational Thoughts: Here’s a post I wrote about this.

Examine the Evidence: Here’s a post on this.

You’ll likely find that most of these possibilities are very similar. One of the more common ways to deal with thoughts like the above is to use evidence and logic because it gives our brain something solid to use. Just telling ourselves that our thoughts aren’t real isn’t often helpful enough whereas evidence can help make it more convincing.

I’m going to include a couple other links I think may be helpful:

Emotional Permanence: Here’s a post on it. This one I think is important to understand because if we lack emotional permanence then it makes it that much easier to forget about anything other than the feelings in the current moment which make reinforce any negative thoughts.

Needing Reassurance: Sometimes our distorted thoughts lead us to second guessing our loved ones. Here’s a post about that, how to cope with it, and how to get reassurance in a healthy way if needed.

Some General Tips:

Learn about the different types of irrational thinking and cognitive distortions. (I don’t have them all listed). Being able to recognize them can be helpful itself. I find when I’m able to realize it’s a cognitive distortion, I’m able to move beyond it easier.

Keep a list of our accomplishments that you add to. This can be helpful in times we need reminders if we often have thoughts about us being a failure anytime we make a mistake.

Keep screenshots of loved ones and/or lists of things they’ve done that make you feel cared for. This can be helpful if we often have doubting thoughts about loved ones as a result of our cognitive distortions.

Think about what you’d tell a friend. If a friend failed a test, would I think they were a failure?

Sit with the discomfort. Sometimes, we know a thought is irrational and all we can do is get through it. Telling myself “it’s an irrational thought. I can sit with it. I don’t need to act on it” can be helpful. Acting on my feelings to irrational thoughts often damages my relationships or has other negative effects. But as uncomfortable as the thoughts are, learning to just sit with them instead of acting on them prevents some negative consequences.

Journaling. You can journal about your thoughts and feelings for a set amount of time a day and then mark the irrational thoughts. This can help us learn to recognize them when we’re having them.

Focus on something else. Sometimes the thoughts are too distressing and the best thing we can do is distract ourselves. You could reach out to a friend, watch a favourite show, enjoy an activity, etc.

This is new to me. Sure, asking someone not to talk about certain subjects seemed obvious, but the rest? Nobody ever really told me what a boundary can be, nor did I feel like I could do some of the things mentioned.

This #SelfCareSunday wisdom comes from "Raising Good Humans" by Hunter Clarke-Fields (a book about parenting with some really great sections on mindfulness and self-care). I really love the simple way she explains setting boundaries as establishing what your needs are. This topic has been kind of tricky for me in the past, so I appreciate the reframing to help me understand it better. As I've made a comic about previously, my chosen theme for this year is being a cycle breaker, and setting boundaries plays a huge role in that. A hard cycle to break is "people-pleasing" and putting others' needs first at the expense of one's own well-being. I'm hoping to work on that this year!

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I did the best I could with the amount of time, energy, and knowledge I had in the moment. I am a part of nature; like crashing waves or seasonal fruit trees, I will not be perfectly consistent. I am not failing or falling behind, it makes sense why it didn’t work out. I didn’t have the resources or people that I needed to complete that thing successfully. I will find them. It is everyone’s first time living and we are all learning how to navigate it together. I forgive it all.

Credit: @dissociativedaydreamer

self-flagellation and self-bullying are all bad motivators for change BTW. it can be hard to escape from a spiral but genuinely u have to be nice to urself or nothing will change

alternatives to “i want to die”:

i want things to change

i want a different life

today was a shitty day/week

i don’t want to live like this

i want to be somewhere else in life

i’m not where i want to be yet

+ much more

Maturity is not seeking revenge. It's healing and moving on, so you don’t become like the people who traumatized you.

I hope you believe that you can still make a beautiful life for yourself even if you lost many years of it to grief, or darkness, depression, or a wound that wouldn't close.

Hey you know that thing you're good at? That thing you think makes you valuable? The way you are, or the thing you do, etc?

You can be and deserve to be and will be loved and cherished even without it.

You're not worthwhile because you help, or you are good at making your art, or your skills at your job. You're worthwhile inherently, as a person, even without all that.

And I want you to internalize that because otherwise there might come a day where you can't do The Thing You Think Makes You Valuable. You'll get sick and can't draw, you'll burn out and can't do your job, you'll be emotionally unable to do your regular helpfulness for whatever reason, and you'll start to feel like you have no worth anymore.

But that's not true. You have worth, you deserve comfort and companionship and happiness, and that's not a conditional thing. You deserve that, even if you can't be Useful and Productive and all that shit.

It's an easy trap to fall into to justify yourself as "well, at least I help/make art/work hard" and have that be entirely too much of your self-esteem. Being proud of your work is fine. Being proud of yourself solely through your productivity is not, because you're making it conditional. And conditional on something that can change for reasons completely outside your control!

You gotta stop thinking about it like you gotta justify the space you take up on the planet. It's great if all those things make you happy: just make sure they're not the only things that make you feel like you are justifying your existence, or you'll crater if they get taken away.

You are lovable and likable and you have value as a person and a member of society, even if you never can be productive again. You are enough.

holding yourself accountable and tearing yourself down are two different things

heal. your mom may never apologize to you, because she has conditioned herself to believe that she did right by you. she hasn't healed. heal anyway. your father may never apologize to you, because he can only see what he's done right. he hasn't healed. your family members may never apologize to you, because toxicity is what they were raised on. they haven't healed. heal anyway. that "friend" may never apologize to you, because he/she isn't sorry. he/she hasn't healed. if/when they reach their healing, they may seek your forgiveness. be so healed that it won't even matter. heal for you. you owe yourself that much.

“I’m not into convincing people I’m worthy. I’m into people who’ll convince me on my worst days that I’m still worth the world.”

— Reyna Biddy

“but what if i’m being annoying :(“ everyone’s annoying dipshit it came free with fucking being alive and existing. now go talk to your friends

One key part of relationships (platonic, romantic, etc) is communication. We all hear this. It’s said constantly. Communication.

But there’s a difference between proper communication and well… not proper communication.

There’s a difference between saying:

“I’m feeling insecure because my brain is being rude. It’s not your fault, but could you please give me some reassurance?”

And

“I’m so worthless. No one cares about me. Why do I even try?”

If you want someone to be there for you, please ask them. Don’t hint at it. Don’t guilt at it. I know asking directly can be scary but it is usually so much less draining for both of you than having to play a guessing game. The latter example is not proper communication. You may think the message is clear, but other people’s minds don’t work the same as yours. With that said, maybe the message is clear but the person feels really drained by the way you’re going about it and won’t engage because of that. And that’s super valid. 

If you have needs in a relationship, please communicate them clearly and don’t expect people to read your mind. 

Focusing on what’s rooted in reality has reduced so much of my overthinking time. If a friend is already out of my life, there’s no point dissecting our interactions from back when we were friends. If I already broke up w someone, there’s no point thinking about the could-have-beens because they will never happen. If I’m into someone but it wouldn’t work for whatever reason, then it just doesn’t. Something just is or just isn’t. There’s a lesson to take from everything but I also don’t want to use that as a catch-all excuse of getting into the weeds for something when the weeds have already been cut off and it doesn’t even matter anymore