Something That Stood Out To Me In My Aftg Reread Was How Unhinged The Upperclassmen Actually Are.

People who don’t like Aaron Kevin Nicky for “not understanding Andrew the way Neil does” PISS ME OFF SO BADDDDDDDD bro people have different mindsets. Different worldviews. Andrew and Neil’s align in a way that’s really beautiful. But also Andrew makes no effort to understand anyone else’s perspective. NEIL makes even less. It’s not normal for people to just immediately get why someone would be acting as violently as often as Andrew does! You have to grow up around an insane amount of violence to not see what Andrew does as insane! If any of you ever met someone like Andrew you’d be fucking terrified! Most of you couldn’t even handle meeting Aaron let’s be so fucking fr! Neil and Andrew Understanding each other the way that do is so lucky and so brilliant, but you guys must end this tirade against Aaron Kevin and Nicky for “not trying to understand Andrew.”

Let’s j go through the list, ok?

If you were teenager Aaron and your brother almost killed you by locking you in a bathroom for a week for you to get clean while you were literally clawing at your enclosure (same brother who killed your mom. Btw) would you be so quick to try and understand where he was coming from? I love Andrew truly I do but that was so unfathomably dangerous.

Imagine you’re Matt and you put so much effort into getting clean and staying clean just for Andrew to literally drug you again? Jesus fucking Christ!!!! Imagine being Dan and having that done to your boyfriend!!!

Imagine being Kevin and the person who swore to protect you is choking you, with intent to do serious harm potentially even kill you (three people to get Andrew off?) because you made a promise to the person Andrew is doing this whole bit for. My god

Andrew is incredibly protective and that drives a lot of his actions and as the reader we see that more clearly because it didn’t happen to us and we never actually see these happen on paper. Andrew is not a kind character (none of the monsters are) and that’s okay. We are all attached to unkind people in real life. You can’t just justify every violent action he does by blaming other people for not truly understanding him

But I remember someone say that, aftg is beautiful in a way that it shows victims as those fucked up people, because trauma can change your brain. Hell, trauma CHANGES your brain chemistry. You can never be the same, some people run, some people refuse to acknowledge their feelings and some are violent, and it's not necessarily a bad thing. That's the way of things. But our society learned to love oppressed, soft and calm survivors since they're mostly silent and hate people who have an actual post traumatic reaction to things So, I personally love that Nora made for example Andrew violent because you can really see how badly traumatic events can affect you. On the other hand we also have Kevin who learned years ago to just shut up and hide from his memories. And then again, we have Renee who is able to be soft after all she went through.

crazy to me how much everyone loves being loved by kevin.

he asked neil ONCE if he wanted to talk about riko, and neil 'felt it like a balm to every bruised inch of his skin'. he has it in him to care so much and the foxes don't realize it 'cause his default setting is bougee bitch. but then he cares, and it shows, and they go 'oh wow. this feels awesome. kevin day cares about me.' like no wonder jean moreau was so down bad and defensive of him it's giving "imagine being loved by me" from hozier's talk

There’s a Variety article I read today that summarizes how I felt about “Deadpool and Wolverine”. It’s a movie that was made by a genuine Marvel fan, from the fanservice to the disses.

The fanservice in this movie feels like it’s targeting the fans that are really into Marvel. Of course, you have yellow suit Wolverine. But there are references that casual fans probably wouldn’t understand, like Channing Tatum playing Gambit, the Wolverine crucifix, and Henry Cavill Wolverine.

The disses in the movie feel like they also came from a Marvel fan. When Wade says stuff like, “You joined at a low point” and “You’ll be playing this role till you’re 90”, those are the kind of jabs that the fanbase would make. Think of it like this. A hater would probably say something along the lines of superhero movies are the death of cinema, or that we should be watching A24 over anything Marvel related. You know, surface level criticisms. A fan would make digs that they could only do if they’ve been following the universe for a long period of time.

For example, I’m a fan, and I know I’ve made jokes in the past about the whitewashing in Doctor Strange. Or that Agents of SHIELD is better than anything in the main movies. Or that the Netflix Marvel shows were so poorly organized that they failed to properly build up to the Defenders miniseries. Or that the people behind the Fox X-Men movies don’t know how to make a good story without Wolverine. Those are critiques, but I could only make those critiques if I’m a genuine fan who consumes this material.

That’s why I like how Variety described Deadpool as if he was a Marvel fanboy. Because he is! He spends a great deal of the movie fanboying over Captain America and Thor, he views the Avengers as the gold standard of what it means to be a hero, he jokes at the expense of Fox and Disney, and he winks at the audience when he knows that the next scene is something that the Marvel fanbase would truly love. Again, the movie is a love letter to Marvel and the Marvel fanbase and it shows.

so, another thing about collegiate teams is that they usually have an alumni game.

now the foxes don't have any alumni by the end of the books, but they will eventually.

now this might be different for a sport like exy (I played lax which really dosent have a large professional league, but the big d1 schools i think still do this too) but yk what it usually happens during pre-season anyways and its always a ton of fun.

Because what happens is that it's usually a game of alumni vs current players. and that is hilarious.

(Dan gets back on the court and gets to win against her current players)

(the current players are just like 'this is so unfair' and 'what the fuck do you mean I have to guard kevin motherfucking day' or ' how the fuck am I supposed to score? minyard is in goal???')

Neil has the time of his life btw - because an alumni game is also a chance for everyone to play on the foxes' court again, a chance to come home!

*reading TFC for the first time*: so one them is dead but he was an assole and I didn't really care about him.

*rereading TFC*: he was the oldest fox, he had so much potential, yes he was an asshole but so are the monsters and he would've gotten along with Neil and I miss him so much 😭

I love the raven cycle because it’s a heart wrenching exploration of love and loss and bonds beyond friendship and then the average Ronan subplot is him doing copious amounts of drugs in a car belonging to a boy who he’s got a criminally insane homoerotic rivalry with

imagine you’re andrew and you’ve gone through almost two decades of struggle—over a dozen foster homes and therapists, juvie, abuse, finding out you have a long-lost twin, medically-induced mania, and are viewed as a heartless threat to society even by your own family.

and suddenly you’re struck by (or more accurately, you strike) some rando little runner from arizona who throws wymack’s offer back in his face just like you did. someone who hates cops and lies to feds, who respects your boundaries but still challenges you. someone who’s not a chain smoker like you but tolerates craves the smell. someone who, for all of his lies, is not as slick as he thinks he is. someone who sees you not as a threat to others but as a threat to yourself. someone with a killer’s smile who doesn’t flinch away from anything you throw at him. someone who bears the scars of surviving childhood and hides them just like you do. someone with so much passion for exy who sees your potential, not for his own benefit, but for yours. someone who doesn’t swing but sees you as someone who is worthy of care and protection and affection.

he’s so offensively perfect i would think he’s a pipe dream too.

Neil josten and his disposable cameras against the world.

Neil josten who has spent his entire life ducking away from photos, whose heart still beats a little faster when he sees a photo blown up for a poster on the side of the stadium when the season starts up again. Who sees a news article about himself go up and refuses to read it, trusting his pr manager (and andrew) to make sure anything posted about him isnt something weird.

Neil josten with a different disposable camera tucked into the pockets of every pair of jeans, each backpack and duffel bag, and shoved into nearly any crevice of the apartment.

(Andrew fishes at least one a month out of the dryer after they get forgotten in Neils jeans)

At first Abby had suggested it as a way to get more used to hearing a camera flash and associate it with something positive.

So theres rolls and rolls of film developed around the dorm, photos of the foxes, the stadium when the sun sets over it and lights the sky up orange. Blurry photos from Edens of Aaron and Nicky dancing to ABBA, photographed right after is a picture of both of them leaning on the bar wall outside crying into their phones trying to call Katelyn and Erik.

(Andrew corrals them into the car when he realizes that Aaron and Nicky drunkenly called one another and had been blabbering to one another from just over a foot away thinking they’d actually called their respective partners)

A series of photos of Kevin drunk and half leaning over the bar trying to snag someone elses drink that Roland is in the middle of mixing, showing Roland darting back and forth trying to dodge Kevins long reach.

Another photo of Kevin being dragged out of Edens by security, Rolands mixer held up victoriously in his hand as he’s brought outside.

A picture of Allison leaning against her pink convertible. Her hair is tossed back behind her and her mouth is open with a loud bark of laughter. She’d glared at Neil after for taking a picture of her unaware but she has the photo pinned up in the girls dorm room anyways.

Photos of all the cats at the shelter when they decide to adopt Sir. Most of the photos are of Sir. Nearly all of them looking identical because of the Persian’s inability to not have a permanent glare on his face.

The cycle repeats when they get King. The Scottish Folds face etched with a permanently shocked look.

Theres a photo of her on the bathroom counter, feet blurry in the bottom of the photo but its clear shes trying to scramble backwards, the edge of a hair tie looped around the sink faucet and the other half lodged in her mouth as she tries valiantly to pull it loose without getting it in the water spray as Andrew washes his face in the mirrors reflection.

Andrew takes up the majority of the photos. Sure there’s hundreds pictures of the other foxes scattered about but Andrew is always Neil’s main focus.

Wether its actually Andrew framed front and center, always trying to give his typical unimpressed look but constantly betrayed by the uptick of the corners of his mouth, the slightest peak of his teeth when he closes his eyes at the beginning of a tired smile towards Neil.

Or if its not related to Andrew, the essence of him always ends up leaking in. The curl of cigarette smoke at the bottom of a photo of the sunset view from the top of Fox Tower. The reflection of his arm bands in the photo Neil snapped of the Maserati in the rain.

Neil’s favorites are the ones of him and Andrew in their house after theyve gone pro. Its a cozy house out in Washington, close enough to the Seattle team that they can comfortably commute each day without having to actually live within the city.

The lighting is always half shit because of the constant overcast sky outside. But the array of lamps inside always try their best to make the photos look orange and cozy.

Andrew sat asleep in Neils armchair. The bright orange fabric something that Andrew had huffed and rolled his eyes at, but constantly found himself in instead of the black designer chaise Andrew had bought. Both cats are on him. Sir sat on his shoulder glaring down at King, who is in the process of trying to eat his hoodie strings.

Andrew stood in the kitchen, his bare back turned towards Neil as he pours a smoothie out from the blender, arm already reached behind him and holding Neil’s smoothie glass out towards him.

Andrew a half second later, turned looking startled over his shoulder in shock from the sound of the camera shutter as Neils smoothie is caught in motion falling to the floor. Another photo following of Neil hunched over on the floor sweeping up glass.

A photo of Andrew stood with his hip cocked looking up at the light fixture on the ceiling, arms crossed in front of his chest as he stares up at it, the light half ripped out of the ceiling when he’d gotten the midnight urge to change it and then quickly remembered he was a professional athlete and not an electrician.

Andrew hunched over in the engine of a Mustang. The cars an obnoxious bright yellow, two black racing stripes gone up the middle of the hood. His hands are covered in grease and theres a streak of grease running through his short blonde hair as well. Theres a wrench in his hand and a jug of some fluid propped on the engine that Neil doesnt care enough to understand what its for.

And Neil knows the foxes start taking more pictures of him, can hear the camera shutter or see the flash going off but doesnt flinch away or try to sidestep out of the way anymore. Doesnt care that theres evidence of Neil Josten being a real man that exists and lives a real life outside of fake IDs and lies, because he has photos of the life he’s created for himself as well.