*reading TFC For The First Time*: So One Them Is Dead But He Was An Assole And I Didn't Really Care About

thinking about kevin day winning his first olympic gold medal.

kevin day who appears to the media as a confident athlete who knows how talented he is. everyone knew the gold medal was only a matter of when he’d get it and not if he gets it— he’s the son of exy after all. they might have seen him a bit stiff in his earlier years and people did not forget about his class i exy interviews in which he confirms he had never been skiing or that the palmetto state foxes’ coach is actually his father— but he has always maintained that kevin day winning smile and his polite composure with the perfect amount of charisma.

but then the US exy team wins the final game at the olympics. it’s the first time he has won the olympic medal and when the final whistle fills his ears, he quite literally drops to his knees, he yells out in celebration, and then when he takes off his helmet he is crying. he has finally done it. he has won the gold medal which he was so determined to win ever since he could remember.

and most people do not know the extend of what he had to sacrifice for it. they don’t realise the extend of how hard he had to work to get back to exy after his hand got broken— both mentally and physically. nor do they know the amount of panic attacks he had to deal with and the same amount of times he had to drown his feelings away with a bottle or three.

and he’s crying. the fans cheer him on. and it’s not just the USA fans— but it feels like the whole stadium starts cheering his name in celebration and support. because at the end of the day that’s kevin day and he has finally done it. he has gotten the medal and it’s literally going to be a historic moment.

andrew makes his way to kevin’s side and he helps kevin take off his gloves like he has done many times before. andrew wants to say something, maybe a remark that will get under kevin’s skin— but then he looks at kevin’s expression and he realises this is all they’ve been building up to for the past years.

and it’s not just kevin who has won the golden medal right now. it’s him too. his team. their team. and they’re all a bit speechless and astonished by this moment. so andrew helps kevin up and neither of them say a word to each other just yet, but kevin feels andrew’s weight shifting into him too— they’re both leaning onto each other; they’re both holding each other up.

I love the raven cycle because it’s a heart wrenching exploration of love and loss and bonds beyond friendship and then the average Ronan subplot is him doing copious amounts of drugs in a car belonging to a boy who he’s got a criminally insane homoerotic rivalry with

happy birthday neil josten and his little fox paw doodles and his fraying-at-the-hems shirts and his scary ahh smile and his electric blue bambi eyes and his unsettling demeanour and his inability to half-ass anything except for school and his fearlessness and ruthlessness and his love for maths of ALL fucking things and his zombie cowboy halloween costume and his bad temper and his smart mouth that only knows how to talk mad shit, lie, and kiss andrew and his pretty face and his four minute mile and his favourite colour being grey and his five-something languages that he speaks and his fierce devotion to exy and the foxes and jean and his insane aura and his general nonchalance and his breakfast burrito that he hid behind and his napkin that he ordered a hit on and his stalker binder and his keys and cigarettes. i will never love another the character the way i love neil josten.

in my head andrew and neil don't do like. classic date nights out and couply shit like that no their couples' shit is much weirder. like one time they spent 3 days doing a bit where they talked to each other exclusively doing bad brooklyn accents and impressions of movie mob guys. they will periodically send each other pictures of rocks and the other will name the rock. they go on walks together and rate birds on arbitrary scales. like just *neil points at pigeon* "six out of eight. couldn't carry a coconut across the atlantic if it had to." neil gets injured and is off court for three weeks so andrew puts up a basketball hoop on the back of their bedroom door so he feels like he's practicing his aim. their basketball game has been going for 4 years now and there is a very long points tally going on a whiteboard in the kitchen. will both start drumming out a beat on one of the cats and coordinate perfectly whilst saying nothing. they're strange. the old lady who lives across the hall absolutely adores them both.

I want "Neil died in Baltimore" Andrew and "The Moriyamas killed Andrew as a warning" Neil to meet

jeremy so far has been the most avoidant pov in the world because what the hell are his issues? he's not even looking directly at them he's looking around them or focusing on everyone else's issues so he doesn't acknowledge his own

like with neil there was immediate acknowledgement with the memory of his mother's burning corpse but jeremy? nothing. is it parental issues? sibling issues? self issues? why was he in therapy? did he do something? did something happen to him? who knows? he does but he's not gonna look at all that when he can look at jean instead

jeremy is neil's 'i'm fine' personified times ten thousand he's so fine he doesn't even need to say it

crazy to me how much everyone loves being loved by kevin.

he asked neil ONCE if he wanted to talk about riko, and neil 'felt it like a balm to every bruised inch of his skin'. he has it in him to care so much and the foxes don't realize it 'cause his default setting is bougee bitch. but then he cares, and it shows, and they go 'oh wow. this feels awesome. kevin day cares about me.' like no wonder jean moreau was so down bad and defensive of him it's giving "imagine being loved by me" from hozier's talk

we cannot be using the word twink as a descriptor willy nilly...kevin day is most certainly NOT a twink, he's tall as hell and an athlete who's been training every day and night for his entire life probably eating the most meal prepped bland chicken and rice and then hitting the gym......

I know I've made this post before but it absolutely fucking kills me that Andrew's entire outlook on life was "I just have to hold on until I drag Aaron across the finish line," only for Kevin to swoop in and, between fits of hysterical sobbing, somehow still find the time to insist that Andrew has a great life ahead of him, and the breath to belligerently dismiss anybody who argues, especially Andrew.

No wonder they're so antagonistic. No wonder they're best friends. Suddenly Andrew is the one getting dragged to the finish line. If Kevin is wrong, then he's covered in mud for nothing. If he's right, then the finish line is much, much further away than just graduation.

i want aaron to smile. i want him to go to medical school and get his first apartment and live with katelyn and i want them to get an aquarium with a whole bunch of cool brightly colored fish and i want him to get to specialise in the area of medicine he wants to and when they're studying for their exams he and kate have post it notes of terminology and memorizations stuck all over the walls of their apartment. i want aaron to learn how to cook and learn what he likes what his comfort foods are i want him to have a dog, lily, that curls up at the end of the bed at night i want him to call nicky every week just like he promised i want him to have a little fox paw fridge magnet that katelyn got and he didn't object to i want there to be photographs in the hallway of his college graduation, of him and katelyn getting their puppy, of them getting engaged, getting married. i want aaron to get a job and love it i want him to be really good at staying calm when he's talking to his patients i want him and katelyn to drive to work together i want them to babysit kevin's daughter i want them to have date nights and see movies together and spend their anniversary at the beach where they got engaged. i want aaron to send pictures of his dog to the foxes' groupchat, i want him to smile when dan asks to dogsit for eternity, i want him to laugh at dinners with his colleagues, i want him to stay in touch with his friends from med school and spend birthdays with them. i want him to text andrew with just stuff about his life, pictures of birds he saw when he was walking lily that morning, i want him to be able to talk to his family without it hurting. i want aaron to get to life his life without being tied down by his guilt and his grief i want him to stop seeing blood when he falls asleep i want him to smile i want him to laugh i want aaron to breathe easier and start living instead of surviving