00:25

my edit

Tue, April 4th - 23:41

Here lately someone special to me has been struggling.  She’s been in and out of the hospital several times and now she is back in a hospital bed.  This time how ever I’m not so sure she’s going to be leaving, and this scares the life out of me. 

Growing up, and even now my grandma is the most important person in my life.  She’s a big influence on who I am and how I see things.  She always has been and always will be. 

When I was younger I used to see my grandma every week day when my mom and dad went to work,  I would go to her house at 8 every morning.  It is by far the best memories I have, even till this day ten years later.  I would do anything to reverse the clock and go back to when I was the happy little four year old who couldn’t wait to see her grandma every Monday through Friday.  She was never just my grandma, and she still isn’t.  She’s my best friend.

She’s the sweetest person I’ve ever met; well, unless you sit in her cats chair, that’s a whole other story.  She loves everything, and I don’t know anyone as open minded as her either.  She has the heart of a five year old, and maybe that’s why I love her so much. 

Growing up she always told me I could do whatever I want when I become a adult and encouraged my insane dreams.  She told me to never grow up.  My favorite thing she ever told me was that I’m however old I feel.  I heard this one quite a lot usually followed by a “I’m still five at heart”.

We used to have tea parties every morning followed by watching the kids channel on tv, which I’d catch her watching years to come even if I wasn't watching it with her.  We’d make ornaments for the Christmas tree or her refrigerator out of play-doe all year around.  We’d often move the chairs to the hallway to make a car which we’d ‘drive’ to the ‘store’ in the living room and go shopping for groceries.  we’d hop back in the ‘car’ and drive home to cook dinner.  which she usually cooked those tiny barbecue hot dogs while i made stuff on the fake wooden storage stove in the corner.  afterwards we’d listen to the wolf radio station and play with some toys by the window.  It was a everyday cycle.  My favorite part was waiting for the bus to drive past.  We’d wait everyday and then wave through the blinds as it passed. I’d even cry everyday and hide behind her recliner when my dads car pulled up outside, I never wanted to leave.

On rare days my grandma would go to her bedroom and get some bananas and some water bottles and we’d sit by the window on the floor and eat them and drink the water.  I remember her always telling me to put the cap back on the bottle which is probably why even till this day I can’t put a water bottle down without first screwing the lid back on, let alone watch other people do it.

During the summer was my favorite.  We’d go outside and sit in her backyard swing and watch the trees blow back and forth in silence.  Sometimes I got to feed the neighbors dog.  We’d also walk through her yard and pick up the gum pods that had fallen from her three gumball trees that my dad planted many years earlier.

I have two favorite memories.  The first one was when I broke her collectable small puppy.  She told me she’d be upset if I broke it.  Of course this is me we are talking about so I broke it’s tail.  I crawled under the kitchen table and bawled all day. I worried her sick, she finally found out why and she chuckled before saying she’ll glue it back together.  She quickly did so before smiling and putting it back.  I’ve never felt so bad before!  My second is more calm and simple.  My grandma got me a toy Polaroid camera,  I ran all around the house pretending to be her.  If there was one thing she was always doing, it was taking pictures of me.  She always made me feel special. 

Seeing her here lately is a completely different experience for me.  She has memory loss so she can forget me.  Yesterday she didn't recognize me, today she did.  It’s on and off.  She can’t speak very good,  It’s mostly mumbles and gibberish.  Even though all this is happening she’s still the same lady who took care of me and that I love so much.

I’m scared,  My biggest fear is losing my grandma.  My family and close friends all know this.  It’s something that scares me so much.  I’ve spent nights crying just thinking about it and I feel like its becoming a reality.  I can barely even talk about her without crying.  my dad says she’ll be lucky to make it to the end of the week.

I’m being my strongest I can be and I plan to keep being my strongest.  I’m trying to stay positive and happy, I’ve been distracting myself a lot.  I am struggling, That’s the truth.  That doesn’t mean I’m not going to keep trying my best be be happy.

This took a long time to type and a lot of tears.  I’m going to keep praying for her and hope everything gets better.  Please everyone have a safe night, and pray for your loved ones too,  I love you all.

~Anon

People should look up at the stars more often

First Skype Call

Yesterday my best friend C.C and I dicided to skype today at 3 pm for the very first time. I waited so long to see her beautiful face pop up. I love her voice, amazing. It was so emotional seeing her for the first time that we could really talk to one another and knowing she is real. I loved talking to her so much and hopefully she liked talking to me too. I really love having her as a friend and I do hope I get to keep her around for along time. C.C. is amazing and I may have only known her for a month and two weeks but she is easily my best friend. I feel like she won’t judge me like others, and for that I am very thankful. ~Anon

February 21st, - 7:00

My family finally told me what's wrong with my father. We don't know for sure but his doctor thinks it's highly possible. We don't have the date yet for his important appointment but we should get it later today. I'm scared. I need to pray tonight for him. Please keep my dad save and healthy. I can't lose him. ~Anon

Dull

Her eyes focused on the smallest particle of dust, as it slowly danced around through the air. She breathes ever so slowly in, then out again. Her eyes fell shut. She took in the quiet.  The small ticks of her clock across the room, the sound of the AC running quietly from the other side of the house. It was as if the entire world was asleep. She Drew in a deep breath, breathing it out through her mouth slowly, drawing it out as long as possible. Slowly she reopened her eyes. She panned her eyes around the dull cold room, slowly taking in every detail. The lighting slightly changed as the sun passed behind the clouds outside her window. Her thighs and wrists still ached from earlier that day. She noticed the small pain on her elbow as well from the night before, where the skin had been scraped and irritated now. Her dull room walls sat around her like a prison cell seeming too slowly get closer as she lay in her bed. Even the large comforter couldn’t keep her warm as the Autumn air hit her neck and face. She felt the warm wetness fall from her eyes slowly, she once more breathed in ever so slowly as her mind continue to scream, she shut her eyes hoping it would all be over as fast as it started. ~Anon

Do you ever forget you have superpowers? Kon does often.

It’s still a sweet gesture.

You have no idea the demons I fought to not turn this little comic angsty. I might still do it, I haven’t decided yet.

ok, just so we’re clear, these people need to be called out:

abusers (of any and all kinds)

pedophiles

white supremacists

aka people who are legit scumbags

these people do not need to be called out:

kids who obviously had no malicious intentions

people whose only mistake was poor word choice

people who said crappy things in the past but have clearly changed

aka people who obviously didn’t mean to hurt anyone

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