Latest Posts by rienextdoor - Page 10

A Letter I Will Never Send

This is not a love letter.

This is me pouring out my love, not the kind you think of, the mushy gushy romanticized crap you want. No, this is raw, unadulterated affection for you and your soul.

For the purposes of this letter, I am going to disregard the fact that you are ignoring me and that we do not talk anymore. That is irrelevant. We have both argued, screamed, apologized, and cried to each other too many times to count. Even if we did still talk, I would be saying this to you, maybe in different words, but telling you all the same.

Since the very first day we became friends, you have been a constant in my life, a constant amidst the tumult and drama of high school. You listened to me and offered advice with your perspective that is so opposite mine. I love the way you live in the moment and risk the superficial things that I hold dear. Being your friend made me come to the profound realization that life is so much more than turning in homework on time and getting straight As. Because of you, if a friend needs me the night before a paper is due, I will be there for my friend (hopefully I wrote the paper ahead of time).

You were the glue that held my life together when I was on the brink of destruction. Everything in my world was falling apart, but you and your friendship remained. I took that for granted. You taught me the value of true friendship, even if it does not last. I hope that I meant something to you, that I somehow repaid in part what you had given to me in full.

To this day, I still look for you in the hallways and listen for your voice among the tenors in choir. Even when we see each other or talk, it is all superficial. We barely graze the surface of what once existed.

I hate superficiality.

After three years, how could we, how could I, throw it all away?

Losing your friendship has been a process more painful than any breakup. It feels as if someone has taken a part of me; there is a hole in my soul where you once were. As if the physical pain was not enough, the process of emotional detachment from you has been long and rocky. After weeks without thinking of you, a single song or a memory or a Bible verse makes me recall how much I care for you, still, after all this time.

You know more about me than any other person on this earth. And even though you leave me behind, you will carry pieces of me with you forever. Treasure them. I do not regret giving them to you, for I trust you will keep those pieces of me safe.

Life is too short to be silent about the ones we love. The other day, I was thinking about the people I will miss most in college, and as much as I love my friends, I will miss you the most. I already miss you. I suppose our separation is merely a preparation for what is to come.

This is not a cry for you to come back to me, nor an invitation for a pity party on my behalf. We both know that “us” would never have worked in our favor. I just wanted to let you know how much you mean to me, and how much pain I am enduring as you ignore my snapchats and avoid eye contact. But still, this is not me trying to guilt you or regain your attention.

This is me telling you that I love you. Not as a boyfriend or as a lover or even as a friend. I love you as a person. You are so extraordinarily special, and I am blessed to have spent so much time with you as my best friend. I wish it did not have to end.

But alas, all good things come to an end, right?

The story after they threw you away. – Lukas W.

— a lovely kind thing

i think we’re all guilty of hurting someone that we used to care about. but nothing lasts forever, not even the bad. i can’t sit here in forever and keep apologizing for things that i am no longer capable of feeling or doing. i think it’s a growing up thing. i think it’s a you didn’t know yourself thing. i think it’s a she didn’t know where to find love thing. i think it’s a he didn’t have time to make her happy thing. i think it’s a selfish thing, i think it’s a we’ve become too dependent on this drug called love thing. i can’t spend my days in eternal anguish because of the things that i’m no longer capable of doing or feeling. words come easy if they mean nothing, so i’ve been saying less and listening more. i wish i would’ve done that when you were still around. hearts wear and tear too, just like a smile that is too unbearably heavy to keep up everytime we’re asked if we’ve been okay. darling, i’ve seen better. we all love a good ending, but the reality of things is it doesn’t always end well. that’s expectations and assumptions, swallow up your pride and say you’re sorry. if you hurt the right person, you’ll spend the rest of your life picking up the pieces because how you love someone is just an extension of how you’d love yourself. i think that’s the secret. to love someone properly, to remember when you first met this person and how anxious you were about making a good first impression. how did we get here? i think it’s an addiction kind of thing. i think it’s a silly habit sort of thing. to want to love, but to not know what to do when it’s crying right in front of your face and you’re telling them to stop because it’s all that they do. i think it’s a i never listened type thing. so i’ve been listening to my future lovers and i’ve been imagining that every time i open my arms and pull them in, that every tear drop i’ve dried on my shoulders— every single apology being accepted kind of thing. my way to love right and grow better kind of thing. here’s to the lovers out there whose hurting that one person they’re going to regret forever kind of sentence, just listen to them and be quiet every now and again. it’ll do wonders.

“I hope love finds you.” she said. “I hope it looks for you at 3am when you’ve had enough. I hope it whispers at you every time sadness creeps up in your ears. I hope it hugs you, every time fear tries to surround your whole being. I hope it kisses your tears away, not only those from your eyes, but also those cries from your heart.” she looked at him and smiled, then finally uttered, “I hope love won’t give up on you, even if you fall back on your knees, with bleeding hands refusing to hold onto.”

I hope you accept it, when it finally meets you. //ma.c.a

There are two kinds of love in this world; one that makes you forget the life you live, and one that makes you want to live your life all over again.

Lukas W. // Two kinds of love (via somepiecesofmyheartandsoul)

it’s not just sunshine and roses i want to hear about. tell me about the monsters hidden under your bed and about the skeletons you keep in your closet. then i’ll know you mean it. then i’ll know it’s real.

(via ninasdrafts)

If there ever comes a day where you no longer cross my mind, just know I did everything for you.

(via thingsiwishitoldher)

Believe that you deserve a future you enjoy. Believe in your ability to transform yourself. No one can do this for you, but yourself– you are the wild card, you are the changemaker, you are your own light.

Sydney Correa, Stop and Smell the Roses: The Little Book of Loving Myself (via inspirationalinsight)

i want to live in a world where it’s relatable to be happy and loved instead of sad and broken.

shelby leigh (via nothingwithoutwords)

idk... i feel so empty

there was life way before you happened and there will be life after you happen.

moving on. finally. (via sunsetico)

Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can. 

how dare you break my heart before any boy even could. how dare you have the audacity to laugh and smile and speak to me like nothing has happened. you broke my very being and all you can do is pretend that everything is fine. we haven’t talked in weeks and nothing can fill that void that you left no one can fill it

i’m empty

Perhaps there’s always a tiny part of me, the 16-year-old girl, who believes that after everything, we’d come back to each other. But perhaps we’re just meant to walk this road together for a while, and that’s good enough.

(via tranquilist)

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.

Neil Gaiman, The Kindly Ones (via thelovejournals)

Happy Holidays. 💙

My poetry collections Confessions of a Wallflower (2017) & I Am The Architect of My Own Destruction (2018) are available on Amazon if you’re interested in having a copy of your own. 💙

They’re also about mental health, healing, depression, self-care, and self-love. 💙

You can grab a copy of Confessions of a Wallflower here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1542396859 🌷

You can grab a copy of I Am The Architect of My Own Destruction here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1721578641 🌷

Stay safe, and I wish you hope, love and healing. ✨

NASA’s final transmission to Opportunity was Billie Holiday’s “I’ll Be Seeing You”

#ThanksOppy

Reminder: You are more than just a mixture of skin and bones.

I find it both fascinating and terrifying that everyone has their own story to tell and yet we barely manage to catch the smallest glimpses of them. We judge someone on what we think we know about them, and it hardly ever occurs to us that the only thing we really know is the way people present themselves to others. We only ever get to see the good parts they decide to show us. It’s scary to think that there is a girl we all know who hides her bruises underneath heavy scarves and turtlenecks, and her pain behind a smile. That the boy around the corner cries himself to sleep every night because he can’t find it in himself to get up every morning and face the world that’s always been too hard on him. We pass men in the streets who just broke up with their girlfriends, their hearts heavy with grief because they would pull down the stars for them but don’t feel like they’re enough. We meet people who cheated and others who were cheated on, we talk to people who buried their darkest secrets so deep in their hearts, they wonder why they poison them from within. We talk about the most basic things, but we never learn that these people may still suffer from their parents’ divorce, that they lost the love of their life, that they have a brother or a mother or a father they don’t speak to anymore. That they wish they had someone to talk to about these kind of things, the relevant things, the strokes of fate and tragedies that really make us who we are and shape us as people. Strangers you’ve never met could have gone through the same thing you did. People you’ve known all your life could be struggling to hold on, to keep fighting - and you’d never know. It’s frightening, isn’t it? We only ever see what others want us to see. And that’s why we shouldn’t be so quick to judge.

(via ninasdrafts)

did u ever feel like u r socially unaccepted?

Have you screamed in the silence?

Six word story. #604 (via myfuture-mywriting-mylife)

Post 6

i fixed you while i was bleeding too

Post 5 -they both die at the end

adam silvera must be the most talented writer of the century to be able to trick almost all of his readers into thinking rufus and mateo would survive even though the title of the book is literally ‘they both die at the end’. still can’t believe i fell for that trickery

The things she says that sounds like ‘I love you’ without saying it.

Post 4 ... i think?

it’s impossible to get you off my mind