I Mean This In The Gentlest Way Possible: You Need To Eat Vegetables. You Need To Become Comfortable

I think the best advice I ever got to stop myself from getting in my head over issues i was having with a partner/friend was “Are you deciding on ultimatums in your relationship without the other persons knowledge or consent? Are you having conversations in your head where the other party is a projection you supply the responses for? If so; you have done this person a huge disservice in not allowing them to answer on their own terms. You have done so much architecture around this problem in your mind that is impenetrable for anyone who was not there when it was being built.”

That shit really changed my life and honestly? I think made me a nicer person to be around.

goodgoodgood.co

This New Website is Making It Easier To Shop for Plus-Size Clothing

A new website aims to make finding ethical, sustainable plus-size clothes (that actually fit) a whole lot easier.

"Shopping for clothes is already intimidating. There are so many options and styles to consider, as well as factors like sustainability and ethics.

But for people in fat, disabled, or queer and gender-nonconforming bodies, it’s even more arduous.

Nico Herzetty, Emma K. Clark, and Paul Herzetty wondered: What if there was a way people could shop — not necessarily by color or size — but by measurements, materials, and ethics?

So they set off to create their website: Phoria. 

Here, shoppers can set up a free profile, add their body measurements (and “typical fit challenges”) and peruse over 270 brands. Once these data points are entered, users can personalize their pages with “saved,” “recommended,” or “hidden” brands. 

Pages can be totally private, or shared with the community to connect over styles and brands.

Aside from fit, brands in the Phoria database (which claims to be “the largest database of plus-friendly brands”) can also be filtered as “gender-neutral,” “woman-run,” “small business,” or “natural fibers.” Users can also filter for price, preferred styles, and more.

Pictured: A screenshot of the "Fit Challenges" feature on a Phoria user's profile.

Some brands include popular names like Athleta, Levi’s, and Patagonia. Others are small businesses, like Beefcake Swimwear, or Hey Peach.

“For so many people, it feels too damn hard to find and keep clothing that fits in all the ways that really matter. So we’re doing something about it,” the Phoria website reads.

“Unlike most online shopping experiences, we center the needs of plus-size women, nonbinary, and trans people, and prioritize supporting clothing brands focused on sustainability, ethics, and inclusion.” ...

That team — made up of Clark, and Nico and Paul Herzetty — calls themselves “fat, disabled, and very, very queer.” 

“These are some of the main ways we identify, and they’re qualities that have directly impacted our ability to get dressed every day in a way that feels good,” the Phoria team introduces themselves on the website.

Pictured: A screenshot of Phoria's plus-size clothing brand database.

In addition to catering the user experience to women, non-binary, and trans people, Phoria is also a benefit corporation, or a B corp.

“We’ve legally required ourselves to consider the interests of all our stakeholders — customers, employees, the planet, and our shareholders,” the Phoria website explains.

“Our specific public benefit purpose is to reduce people’s dependence on buying mass-produced items made in unsustainable ways and to use human-centered business models to boldly challenge economic systems of inequity.” 

Right now, in the early stages of the company’s business, it doesn’t make any money.

“We’re focused on building something that genuinely solves plus-size people’s challenges around clothes shopping and supports smaller and more sustainable brands,” Phoria’s website states.

So, spreading the word seems to be of utmost importance...

Additionally, TikTok creators @couplagoofs (a queer couple named Morgan and Phoebe), recently shared a video in which they discovered Phoria. They met the website’s creators at a fat liberation event in their city and were introduced to the tool.

Quickly, commenters responded with gratitude and excitement.

“It is so disappointing to sort through pages of plus size clothes that aren’t even plus size,” a TikTok user commented. “This is gonna be such a good tool!” 

Some even shared emotional responses, speaking to the need at the heart of Phoria’s mission. 

“I’m… gonna cry,” another commenter wrote. “I’ve needed this my whole life.”"

-via Goodgoodgood, November 20, 2023

I think some people don't realize you don't have to fully commit to aids and adaptions to use them. I'm a screen reader user but sometimes I crank up the font size to 400% and scroll through tumblr visually instead. I'm a white cane user but sometimes I fold it up and go with a sighted guide instead. I do a lot of things in the dark by touch but sometimes I turn on a flashlight and grab my magnifying glass instead. And very often , I use visual and nonvisual coping skills at the same time! You don't need to completely give up one way of functioning to do the other.

Use the things that help you but let yourself go without them if you want. Do what makes your life easiest and filled with the least worry. Accessibility shouldn't be stressful !

(This applies to all disabilities of course )

file -> phrases that are going to shift something in me forever

Itsmaeril

you will live and you will say the wrong things and make mistakes and people will love you anyways.

Have been doing this for years without realizing it was an actual technique and it freaking works:

Do NOT say: “I think I have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome.”

Instead, say: “My best friend wanted me to ask you about something. I don’t even think it’s a thing, but she thinks I might have something called EDS. Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, I think? I don’t know. It’s probably rare. But have you heard of it? Do you think I might have it?”

Here’s another example:

Do NOT say: “I think I have ADHD.”

Instead, say: “So my wife said I had to ask you about something. I don’t know if she’s right, but if I don’t bring it up with you, she’ll be really mad at me. She thinks I might have something called attention deficit disorder. And she said you might be able to help.”

Yes, it is wrong that patients have to use passive aggressive techniques just to get an MRI. But, as my mom always says, it’s better to be wrong than to be dead right. Sure you could insist on being more direct with your doctor, but if that doesn’t work — and the doctor dismisses your symptoms when they should be treating them — the choice could literally leave you dead. You’d be right, but you’d be dead right.

This is not part of the article but it also works:

It works especially well for psychiatrists instead of saying "I think I have this" or "I've been looking at x and I have x, y and z symptoms". Instead just say your symptoms and let them come to the conclusion on their own.

Pain News Network

A Weird Trick to Get Doctors to Listen to You — Pain News Network

By Crystal Lindell, PNN Columnist There’s a lot of advice out there on how to get a doctor to take you seriously. Most of it is wrong. Lu

My chronic pain doctor suggested I exercise more

I asked him “how?”

He looked confused. Said I should try a bit every day

I said “not when, how?” I asked what exercises I should do

He suggested half a dozen options that had all been explicitly banned by other doctors. I’m not allowed to run. I’m not allowed to bike. I’m not allowed to use my rowing machine or my punching bag.

I walk my dog whenever I have the energy and when it doesn’t hurt too much

What else can I do?

He told me I should exercise more

And then he changed the subject.

I have a thing to get to but had to get this out real quick

stop letting miserable people on the internet convince you that you must have a concrete, well-constructed opinion on everything that has ever existed.