Latest Posts by rabbit-with-a-grapefruit-spoon - Page 4
Jason and Tim: *literally the most traumatic experience known to man, one that changes how anyone would look at them (e.g. Jason digging himself out of his own grave or Tim blowing up the leagues bases)*
Dick *absolutely mortified*: and you didn't tell me earlier because...?
Jason/Tim: idk, it never came up.
Dick: that's something you bring up!
What if Disney made a live action remake of Tangled but instead of Mother Gothel singing Mother Knows Best she sings Mother by Meghan Trainor
Billy Batson is DC’s version of Ash Ketchum
Persephone captain marvel au. Hear me out.
Associated with duality, reincarnation, resurrection, childhood innocence (and it getting ripped away by adults), and her 'counterpart' Kore, which is her in her returning aspect of spring, youthfulness, new life... Come on. Is that not the closest thing to Billy you've ever seen in ancient Greece? Where he gets his powers?
It all starts with Teth Adam, and his devastation at the death of his son. He finds the old paths, breaks them open, and storms down into the underworld to demand him back. His is not a new story.
But where Persephone might ordinarily be inclined to ease her husband's scorn, give the troubled mourner a chance, she is speaking to the champion of magic, the world's mightiest mortal. The chance of success is too high. The challenge would not be enough. The death was too high profile and would risk too many attempting to follow in his footsteps. The man is too unstable, too powerful, too close to the heart of magic for it to be safe - for any of him - to grant his wish and risk his false hope.
They deny him.
Enraged, implacable, Teth Adam lashes out. The battle is long and drawn out, neither side tiring even as both weaken, but Persephone, in either form, is not one of war, and she is felled as her curses shatter, her furies tossed aside like dolls. The sound of Hades' scream as Adam's surprise leaves him open flattens the rubble of their throne room.
The wounded champion escapes, hounded by cerberus and skeletons instead of his son's shade, as her husband crashes to his knees beside her. She has not a mortal soul, and thus will be going where even Death cannot reach.
But Adam killed the goddess of reincarnation, and Billy has odd dreams. He's pretty sure he needs to ease up on the stress. He's restless in winter and distracted in summer, he can sleep outside in howling storms as long as he's tucked snug in the boughs of a tree, he's had the luck of never tasting a rotten fruit. Sometimes it feels like there's ghosts in his hideouts and the kids at school try and bribe him to curse their enemies.
When he chosen to be Captain Marvel the wizard chokes on his own speech when the smoke clears. They stare at each other.
"Well," says Persephone, "that was unexpected. Hullo."
"Hello," the wizard replies, "I was under the impression..."
"I don't think the laws of interference quite apply until I'm immortal again," he says.
The wizard's relief is palpable. It's understandable, he looks ready to keel over from old age. "Can I ask...?" he gestures at the new body. It takes a second to understand.
"Oh, I'm a boy now. For a while."
And that's that.
Until green lantern is killed in battle.
Superman, trying to bond with who he assumes is a fellow Kryptonian: Learning to fly was always a struggle for me. I once even crashed into a mountain hahahaha, what about you?
Shazam, who learned how to fly while desperately trying to avoid Doctor Sivana: hahaha same
Really obsessed with this idea of some villain taking over the JL because they figured out a way to mind control every single adult and CM is in the lineup, standing at attention when the villain just goes down the line and asks how best to incapacitate them and he makes it to CM and says “Now, what’ll it take to overpower the Big Red Cheese?” and Cap’s like “With all due respect, Mr. Mind Control, sir, you don’t want that.” And the guy’s super offended like “You can’t tell me what to do! How do I incapacitate you?” “You can’t.” “Then why are you acting all snarky?” “Only I can incapacitate myself, Mr. Scary Evil Guy.” “Then do it. Right now.”
And this is pre-reveal so guess what happens? CM shouts the word, and before the guards can even tell what’s going on, Billy’s zipping between their legs, grabs maybe a weapon of some kind while he’s at it, and BOLTS like the funky little street rat is being chased by a cashier with a broom out of the supermarket, and you know YJ is outside waiting so when they suddenly see this scrappy 14yo Billy Batson running from out of the villain’s lair where JL is being held captive, they’re like “wtf??” and Billy has to convince them that he’s actually the massive Champion of Gods dude but he can only do some magic when he’s in his kid form but he knows the whole layout of the place “and we have to hurry! He’s gonna ask what their secret identities are! God you’re all so slow”, and that’s how JL and YJ learn they accidentally inducted a homeless 9yo five years ago who only agreed cuz they have a kitchen in the watchtower.
Billy batson is very much a scrapper, yes? And on the streets - and as a kid - you tend to use every dirty trick you can, right?
And as captain marvel he can't catch anything, and solomon is there to make sure he doesn't hinder his own fighting capability with silly things like 'peer pressure' and 'dignity', and he heals injuries after every encounter.
Conclusion: captain marvel bites.
Black Canary: Hey cap how come all of your villains keep calling you weirdly infantilizing insults?
Green arrow: Yeah that savana guy is so condescending to you, he didn’t act nearly as bad to us and Black Adam calls you brat and baby man.
Captain Marvel: *lying through his ass* oh that? That’s bc sometimes my villains try to depower me to figure out my secret identity because I take a different form when I’m not using my powers. When they actually manage to succeed I have a magic fail safe that at the last second it turns me into a little boy so they don’t actually discover my secret identity. They legitimately think I’m a twelve year old.
Batman, eyes narrowing: Why a twelve year old?
Captain Marvel, bullshiting: It’s the only spell I found that doesn’t turn me into something like a rabbit or mouse. I would rather be a kid than cat food, at least people try to help screaming kids.
Green Arrow: …That’s fucking genius
Wonder Woman, suddenly: I want to see Baby Marvel now
Captain Marvel: *internally* oh no.
Billy: is consistently on time for his monitor duty, consistently arrives for meetings promptly, makes sure to call in whenever he can when he knows he might not be available for a day or more, tries to memorize procedures, and is friendly to the other JL members
Other JL members: Cap is really nice, and you can always count on him to help out the best he can if you’re struggling.
Billy, an actual child: This is great. I’m going to get a good grade in coworker, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve.
AU where Billy Batson is investigating some random magic issue because his powers have been depleted as a consequence, meaning he temporarily can’t be Captain Marvel, but he somehow accidentally tips off Zatanna who’s working in the watchtower that day. She senses the sudden lack of magic in Fawcett City and tries to contact Marvel to warn him, but he can’t be reached so she calls up a few members of the JL to check it out because they want to make sure he’s okay.
Batman, Zatanna, The Flash, and Wonder Woman start wandering through Fawcett with no plan, just looking for some kind of sign that Cap is nearby, when they see this kid in a tattered red hoodie open a PORTAL, and they’re like what the fuck?! So they slip through the portal right before it closes and suddenly they’re in this infinite magical cave, and the boy is pissed. And he’s really not open to questions.
“What’s your name, kid?”
“None of your business.”
“Where are we?”
“Also none of your business.”
The heroes aren’t idiots, though. They know this kid has something to do with Cap’s disappearance, so they ask him questions until he finally gets tired of them and says, “I’m his…protégé.”
“Cap has a protégé?”
“Yes. That’s me.”
“Prove it.”
“Superman works as a news reporter at the Daily Planet.”
“…Oh shit.”
Batman tries to talk to him about how he shouldn’t know this kind of stuff but the kid hits him back with, “You have like ten kids who know everyone’s identities too. Why are Captain Marvel and I suddenly breaking protocol?” Point taken.
So now there’s this magical kid who’s apparently in line to become the next Champion of Magic who knows all of the JL’s secrets through Captain Marvel, and they still don’t know WHERE Cap is so they take him back to the watchtower and try to get as much info from him as possible. It only makes them more confused.
“Where is Captain Marvel?”
“He’s stuck in eternity.”
“What does that mean?”
“He doesn’t have a corporeal form right now.”
“He- what the fuck? How did that happen?”
“His powers were depleted after a big fight last week.”
“But is that reversible?”
“That’s what I was working on.”
“And what were you doing, exactly?”
“I was…trying to help him get his strength back.”
“Okay? How can we help?”
“Umm, you can’t.”
“Is he okay? In eternity?”
“Yeah yeah, don’t worry about it.”
“How do you know he’s okay?”
“We…have a…shared consciousness?”
“Excuse me??”
“I take it back.”
“You can’t just take that back?!“
“It’s Champion of Magic stuff, okay?! You wouldn’t understand!”
The kid’s story just keeps getting weirder and weirder until he refuses to answer questions, leaving them more in the dark than they were before.
There's unexplored comedic potential with Captain Marvel/Shazam and his powers.
I know when they say "the power of Zeus" they focus on lightning, but Zeus is also a shapeshifter in mythology, that's one of his favorite forms of abuse of power.
Theoretically, Billy could be like Beast Boy or the Martians, and being a child, he would inevitably do dumb shit with this power.
Imagine him transforming into a goose and asking someone to post something like this
I think you mean Goose and Fury interactions
“Hello, kitten-“ “Ummmm… human sir? That is an eldritch being. Not pet. Do not touch.” “Look, it’s fine. If it looks like a cat, it is a cat.” eldritch purring sounds
right so turns out my eyes aren’t even fucking hazel but actually just blue/green (I can't tell which) with brown central heterochromia. so apparently I've just spent my entire life going about not even knowing what colour my eyes are.
I just remembered this one time then I was in like primary 3 (so like around 7) and we were doing surveys or something like that. so our teacher took us to the cloak room and gathered us all in the centre and then would pick like a feature or something, like hair or eye colour, that we would group ourselves under. So he assigned eye colour to three corners and basically said go to the corresponding eye colour for you and I just sat down cause he had only said brown, green or blue eyes and seven year old me is like nah bicth I know what colour my eyes are and they aint that so I just continued to sit there even as my teacher is looking at me like what is this stubborn child doing. but he asked me to go to a corner and I said that no my eyes are hazel and you didn’t say hazel so I didn’t know where to go. and the poor teacher is obviously kinda annoyed at this point but he repeated himself (because I asked earlier about hazel) that no hazel eyes aren’t a thing and im still sitting there being stubborn. So he sighs and asks me to stand up and look at him so he could check and so I did. Annnnywaaay I got to stand in a corner by my self as he counted how many people were in each corner because my eyes are literally like half brown, half green.
I understand the appeal of wanting every adult hero to instinctively adopt teenage Peter Parker, but can it really beat the hilarity of acknowledging that at 15 Peter was 5'10", unusually buff, went by a moniker with Man in it, wore a creepy full face mask, and had a tightly guarded secret identity and probably a Queens accent thick enough to have come out of a jello mold, and adult heroes reasonably responded to him by going, “Wow, this grown man is an immature asshole for no reason.”
Finally I've gotten to draw the coral kids the h2bros the mean gills✨
I cant decide how to display the time so trying out the hourglasses this time
okay but I kinda do that tho way I do it might actually be worse. cause I won't watch a show or anything but I’ll either watch random edits on YouTube or read crossover fanfic (with a show/fandom that i’m already familiar with and the new one) as a way to figure out the vibes of the characters and then I'll just read regular fanfic for whatever show it is and if I get confused by things I'll go find the fandom wiki and get my answers from there
you want a new kind of guy, fine, i raise you: the lady i was briefly roommates with in college who once smoked a blunt at a party and then spent an hour confessing earnestly to me that she genuinely preferred reading detailed episode recaps over actually watching the tv show in question
*wheezes*
I had to draw it
you know those Nefarious Trap Doors cartoon villains are so obsessed with? the ones that lead inevitably to acid-shark-piranha-infested-radiation-lava moats? ok so I appreciate and respect the gimmick, BUT.
I think more swirly slides should be involved
wayne Family making me want to draw stupid things
12 milligrams of crack treated seriously to be taken with every meal and once before bedtime and an extra prescription of found family to be taken when necessary, it’s good for the soul. Now off you pop, you’ll be right as rain in no time.
but a simple country mouse as me must only find these wishes in fitful dreams.
Exert from ‘Me Being Overdramatic to My Friend at 1:30am’
Okay but imagine Yuuri retires from competitive figure skating at 27, and he decides to go back to college to become a teacher.
So this boy walks into class sporting the just-rolled-out-of-bed look with the sex hair and the big comfy sweater and the starbucks cup in one hand.
And you know, he’s enjoying his life, he makes friends in his program and on the weekends he helps his husband teach cute little kids how to skate and they have this cozy little house together in a nice neighbourhood. He probably has girls and guys falling for him left and right.
And then one day, Yuuri’s out with his friends, and they’re at a cafe or something.
And a group of girls comes up to them, and they’re all blushing and nudging each other saying “You talk first!”.
So Yuuri just turns this absolutely blinding smile on them and asks, “Autographs?”
The girls squeak, and nod furiously.
“Sure!” he says, reaching out for the notebooks they’re holding out for him to sign.
And about ten minutes later, after several selfies and autographs and a lot of gushing and squealing and “Please let Viktor know we’re looking forward to Yuratchka’s upcoming season,” the girls leave.
So Yuuri turns back to his friends, and they’re all just staring at him with wide eyes and gaping mouths.
Yuuri kinda wonders if there’s something on his face.
The first thing that comes out of anyone’s mouths is, “…who’s Viktor?”
And Yuuri’s kinda confused as he replies, “….my husband?”
“YOU’RE MARRIED!?!?!?!?” his friends all shriek.
Yuuri looks down at his hand to make sure his ring is still there. “Yeah?” he says, holding his hand up.
“I thought that was just a fashion statement!” one of the girls exclaims.
“Why did they want your autograph though?” asks another of his friends, and Yuuri just looks away sheepishly.
“I’m…uh….a retired competitive figure skater?” he asks, his voice going higher with embarrassment. “And I…uh…got 2 golds in the Grand Prix…and 2 golds in Worlds….and maybe a silver in Pyeongchang?”
His voice gets progressively quieter as his face gets even redder.
His friends are staring at him in horror and shocked disbelief now.
And he thinks he might as well get it all out now.
“And…my husband might be the most decorated athlete in figure skating history?”
Fics based on this post:
A Real Life Cinnamon Roll by Seito (@seitosokusha) Did I Forget to Mention… by nevereverever How do you not know? by missykristy icebreaker by Cesare Long time no see by ddugeun (@chukichi) My Fun Fact Is: by stillmadaboutpetra New Friends by viktuuri (@softvictory) Now I Know by CassidyMoffett (@sweettigerotakureviews) Storytime: Celebrity Blindness by likestoimagine (@likestoimagine16) This is Why You Google People by StarlightPhoenix (@cleverlittlejay) Trivia Night by RinaRose (@marina-and-the-fandoms) Wait, What? by @realisticallycynical
~If you want to officially gift your work to me, my AO3/FFN penname is SkyGem!~
Tumblr posts/additions for this post:
Hilarious addition by @p3hero Adorable continuation by @deadlychildartemis Comic by @lauravian
Translations of this post:
Italian by @randomwalksoul
Half asleep Bowuigi idea where Luigi gets kidnapped and somehow castle chef is not able to make food and Luigi volunteers because these kids are hungry and they need to eat!
He makes a massive Italian meal, Kamek doesn’t even know where he got the ingredients from but he eats a bit and is not complaining, all the Koopalings eat it and are instantly like ‘we are keeping him’.
Suddenly all the minions are actually really really trying to stop Mario it goes to Kaizo levels hard and Mario is not having a good time, but he is getting his brother back. Peach is not sure if she should be offended or not that they’ve never been this bad when it was her kidnapped.
Bowsers confused why it’s taking Mario so long (He’s a bit happy though because the green one is kinda nice to talk to NOT THAT HE WILL EVER ADMIT THAT)
Bonus: The Koopalings met Polterpup and lose their minds because IT’S A DOG! IT’S A GHOST DOG! HE HAS A GHOST DOG WE ARE KEEPING HIM AND THE DOG! WHY DID YOU KEEP KIDNAPPING THE PRINCESS DAD THIS GUY IS SO COOL AND HE HAS A DOG!
Beauty and the Beast they thought we want VS. the Beauty and the Beast which we actually want.
Sorry not sorry for my excitement of this movie
Anyways I find it hilarious that Mario has no idea where Luigi is and he’s just in lala land half of the time with toad 💀
What I imagine bowser’s musical moment to be like
help me
