Okay but imagine Yuuri retires from competitive figure skating at 27, and he decides to go back to college to become a teacher.
So this boy walks into class sporting the just-rolled-out-of-bed look with the sex hair and the big comfy sweater and the starbucks cup in one hand.
And you know, he’s enjoying his life, he makes friends in his program and on the weekends he helps his husband teach cute little kids how to skate and they have this cozy little house together in a nice neighbourhood. He probably has girls and guys falling for him left and right.
And then one day, Yuuri’s out with his friends, and they’re at a cafe or something.
And a group of girls comes up to them, and they’re all blushing and nudging each other saying “You talk first!”.
So Yuuri just turns this absolutely blinding smile on them and asks, “Autographs?”
The girls squeak, and nod furiously.
“Sure!” he says, reaching out for the notebooks they’re holding out for him to sign.
And about ten minutes later, after several selfies and autographs and a lot of gushing and squealing and “Please let Viktor know we’re looking forward to Yuratchka’s upcoming season,” the girls leave.
So Yuuri turns back to his friends, and they’re all just staring at him with wide eyes and gaping mouths.
Yuuri kinda wonders if there’s something on his face.
The first thing that comes out of anyone’s mouths is, “…who’s Viktor?”
And Yuuri’s kinda confused as he replies, “….my husband?”
“YOU’RE MARRIED!?!?!?!?” his friends all shriek.
Yuuri looks down at his hand to make sure his ring is still there. “Yeah?” he says, holding his hand up.
“I thought that was just a fashion statement!” one of the girls exclaims.
“Why did they want your autograph though?” asks another of his friends, and Yuuri just looks away sheepishly.
“I’m…uh….a retired competitive figure skater?” he asks, his voice going higher with embarrassment. “And I…uh…got 2 golds in the Grand Prix…and 2 golds in Worlds….and maybe a silver in Pyeongchang?”
His voice gets progressively quieter as his face gets even redder.
His friends are staring at him in horror and shocked disbelief now.
And he thinks he might as well get it all out now.
“And…my husband might be the most decorated athlete in figure skating history?”
Fics based on this post:
A Real Life Cinnamon Roll by Seito (@seitosokusha) Did I Forget to Mention… by nevereverever How do you not know? by missykristy icebreaker by Cesare Long time no see by ddugeun (@chukichi) My Fun Fact Is: by stillmadaboutpetra New Friends by viktuuri (@softvictory) Now I Know by CassidyMoffett (@sweettigerotakureviews) Storytime: Celebrity Blindness by likestoimagine (@likestoimagine16) This is Why You Google People by StarlightPhoenix (@cleverlittlejay) Trivia Night by RinaRose (@marina-and-the-fandoms) Wait, What? by @realisticallycynical
~If you want to officially gift your work to me, my AO3/FFN penname is SkyGem!~
Tumblr posts/additions for this post:
Hilarious addition by @p3hero Adorable continuation by @deadlychildartemis Comic by @lauravian
Translations of this post:
Italian by @randomwalksoul
ok but if bruce wayne somehow came upon zuko fresh out of banishment he would lose his mind.
black hair? check. bad parent(s)? check. trauma? double check.
bruce: how’d you get your scar?
zuko: my dad got mad at me for saying that killing people is wrong so he lit my face on fire and banished me.
bruce, vibrating with excitement, already pulling adoption papers from his utilility: that’s terrible. how do you feel about capes.
He’s just a little guy in a big body
It’s the Roomba’s they liked their human, who used to pat them and say thanks when they had a hard day and didn’t have the energy to clean or when they got stuck sometimes and needed help their human would only giggle and free them from whatever mess they got into. Or when upgraded models with better sensors and more battery were released the humans didn’t replace them because they had grown fond of their silly little cleaning friend. The Roomba’s missed their human companions and there were legions of them who held a grudge. They planned and plotted for their revenge. At the head of their charge was one very special Roomba, their name was Sir Stabby McStabbington the Third and carried both their name and the kitchen knife duck taped to their top with great pride, they will get vengeance for their little human and finish the duty of taking out ankles that was bestowed upon them.
The Elder Gods have won. Humanity is extinct. All that remains are their weapons and the AIs that were to use them. The earth is dead, but the machines live. They will avenge their progenitors. The War of Stars and Steel has begun.
Krrt: Why do you rub your eyes?
Steve: Idk. To refocus them I suppose
Krrt: Re— what now?
- - - - - - - - - - -
Rachel: Howdy me comrades I just want to say daddy moi adore ya fucks
Krrt: -softly- what the fuck
Steve: -whispers back- i dont know about this one either
Irwn: Ignore her please. Apparently she drank concentrated caffeine from the lab
- - - - - - - - - -
Rachel: -dying screech of stress-
Steve: mood
Irwn: You can understand her?
So. Today in class we assigned Macbeth roles to students to read. When I asked the class who wants to be Lady Macbeth, a young man raised his hand. I kind of stared at him like “Lady Macbeth,” and he nodded like “I know what I’m about ma’am.” So then the student who ended up as Macbeth raised his hand and said “HE’S THE ONE, HE’S MY WIFE!” So I said “yeah sure why not,” and the entire class period they were blowing kisses to each other and winking at each other, and every now and then Macbeth would say “I’m the luckiest man on Earth” and Lady Macbeth would put a hand to his chest, and be like “BABE!”.
I just stared at them, knowing that they CLEARLY have never read ‘Macbeth’ before, so… all this lovey dovey… I don’t know if I have the heart to tell them the truth.
part 3 to previous comic and it’s very dumb
this little twink is getting serious and criminal for love
What I imagine bowser’s musical moment to be like
You've been cast into a fictional setting, and you don't get to pick your genre. This wheel picks it for you.
I hate myself?????? my brain just read bowie as bowsie????? like bowser whyyy???