I Just Remembered That When I Was Like 10 I Used To Wish That I’d Wake Up One Day And The Past Few

You’re considered by the Jedi Order as a very cryptic but accurate oracle. Truthfully though, whenever someone asks a question, you just retreat to your chambers, say you’re consulting the Force, watch the DVDs of Star Wars and say it very cryptically to make it look legitimate.

Batman: This undercover mission is highly critical, I expect everyone to come undercover as civilians.

Shazam, raising his hand: uh

Batman: You don’t have to raise your hand. We are all adults here.

Shazam: Cool cool- good to know. Anyways, my suit doesn’t come off.

Superman: what

Green Arrow: How the fuck does that work.

Shazam: It’s kinda just glued on?

Asterix fans, I had an idea...

discuss.

How is bnha anime of the decade...... they aren’t even anime of the hour of the minute of the second

when I was in high school my AP english teacher told us we weren’t allowed to eat in class so I took that as a personal challenge to see what the most ridiculous thing I could eat in class without getting caught was so I started bringing soup to class and as soon as I’d crack the lid of my thermos the tiniest bit this football player that sat like 3 rows in front of me would going “I SMELL MEAT SOMEONE HAS SOUP” and no one ever believed him

I think one of DC's biggest mistakes is the fact that Billy Batson, Jon Kent, and Damian Wayne aren't an established trio

I refuse to believe these three didn't meet each other and immediately agree to start causing problems on purpose

Damian's an ex assassin, son of Batman, and the heir to the biggest crime ring in the world, who hates himself, but also believes he's the best person alive

Jon is Superman's son, and has somehow managed to convince everyone he's a Good Boy™ when his best friend is Ra's al Ghul's grandson

And Billy's a teenage boy who has/is tricking the Justice League into letting him stay on their team because he can make himself look like an Adult Man™

These three should be committing felonies together DC

Alien: how are you doing that task with your eyes closed?

Human, knitting with their eyes closed: muscle memory.

Alien: muscle what now?

Human, opening their eyes: our muscles learn how to perform tasks without us thinking about it. So I can close my eyes while I knit because I know how a stitch should feel, and my muscles can do it with very little visual supervision.

Alien: you can do regular tasks without seeing what you're doing? You just do these tasks automatically? Because your muscles have their own brain?? That's terrifying!

Human: that's not quite...

Alien: fucking terrifying

Human: OK yeah sure that's how it works. Why not.

So. Today in class we assigned Macbeth roles to students to read. When I asked the class who wants to be Lady Macbeth, a young man raised his hand. I kind of stared at him like “Lady Macbeth,” and he nodded like “I know what I’m about ma’am.” So then the student who ended up as Macbeth raised his hand and said “HE’S THE ONE, HE’S MY WIFE!” So I said “yeah sure why not,” and the entire class period they were blowing kisses to each other and winking at each other, and every now and then Macbeth would say “I’m the luckiest man on Earth” and Lady Macbeth would put a hand to his chest, and be like “BABE!”.

I just stared at them, knowing that they CLEARLY have never read ‘Macbeth’ before, so… all this lovey dovey… I don’t know if I have the heart to tell them the truth.

Batman had Danny by his leg. More specifically he was hanging Danny upside-down 40 stories in the air via said leg.

Okay. So Danny maaay have stolen some tech from a lab. Okay, a lot of tech. But Batman thought he was a witness or an accomplice! Not the perpetrator themselves! Does he do this to all his witnesses?

Appearently Danny said that last part out loud and his sass was unappreciated, hence Batman letting go. Unfortunately for both of them Danny didn't want to fall and he instinctually stayed there floating perfectly still in mid air.

Danny may be a terrible liar, but he was a phenomenal actor, especially when he's feeling spiteful. Alright, he thought random bullshit GO! Before Batman could comment, our little menace gave Batman a scandalized look, "You're a meta?!"

"No." The bats scowled even harder than before "Your abilities may have manifested just now."

Oh ho ho, Danny wasn't going to let him get away that easy. "My parents would have killed me if I had the meta gene. I know. They checked." That one wasn't exactly a lie. His parents would have seen any superpowers as confirmation that he or Jazz were ghosts and then it was game over and they did check thier DNA for something a lot when they were younger...huh. Thoughts for later than.

"How do you know you haven't gotten mutated by any of the stuff you deal with? Besides if they were my powers then I wouldn't still be hanging upside down."

Bats grunted in acknowledgment and just stared at him for a few seconds, which was uncomfortable. Lucky for him one of the other bats landed near Batman on the rooftop and asked about the situation. Danny didn't hesitate, "Batmans a meta! I'm stuck!"

"I am not"

"Are too!" Danny quipped back. He sounded kinda childish but he didn't particularly care at the moment. More bats came after the second one spilled the beans on some 'com' thing. They mostly mocked Batman and asked if he was okay, which he was but he would like to be let down please.

Eventually someone called 'Red Hood' showed up and was really really mad that Batman had threatened a kid.

There were fireworks after that. The kind that belonged on a soap opera and Danny wished he had popcorn for it. Unfortunately he was stuck disrespecting physics for the time being.

Or was he? The big bad bats attention wasn't on him at the moment now would be a good time to ru-

Danny screamed, genuinely startled at the sudden free fall. He heard multiple people swear and grappling hooks fire. The next thing he knew he was shaking while holding onto someone for dear life. It had been almost a full year since the accident and yet he still lost control of his powers sometimes when distracted.

Luckily Red Hood is super cool.

----

Aka Danny gaslight Batman into thinking he has superpowers he can't control.

Red Hood is mad Bruce threatened a child.

crazy how the sun rises every morning. every. single. morning. never takes one damn vacation day. Bitch