Diffusion Not Osmosis

Dammit you didn’t want to have to deal with your criminal life in sleep too

For as long as you could remember, you’ve been capable of lucid dreaming. Your dreams are always different and wildly creative, with different inhabitants and worlds. One night, you see WANTED notices plastered with your face: the universe’s most wanted galaxy hopper.

I have made what I think is the shitty-est dad joke in existence and I love it

So I'm in hell (the nether in Minecraft) with my friends, yah know the usual. So this one friend and I come across a Bastion which results in lots of screaming on my part and death for the both of us but as we’re exploring trying to find our way around I found a random loot chest with a banner in it which my friend gets  hyped about and asks if he can have it. So as he comes and finds me so I can hand it off I make the passing comment of ‘it’s like Bruce’ ... like the banner, like Bruce Banner. This is what I mean by shitty as in actually shitty not just its so shitty it’s funny shitty. Anyway my friend gets what I mean and finds it kinda funny in a pain way cause he’s a nerddd so at least there’s that.

Ghost Wind AU

part 1 || part 2

These heroes can be real idiots sometimes, Wind thinks dully as he watches yet another poorly concocted plan pan out exactly as terribly as he had foretold it would. This one even involves explosives for that added spice of death.

“For Hylia’s sake,” he says out loud as Sky throws his sailcloth over Hyrule’s hair which is literally on fire.

“Well done everyone,” Time praises once all flames are successfully smothered. They look a mess, the lot of them. Hyrule’s hair is missing chunks and still smoking a little bit, Wild is sporting both a wide grin and a broken arm and Legend is noticeably limping as he joins the rest of the group where they’re congregated.

“I would say that was a pretty successful ambush. We managed to take out all the enemies—”

“And half the mountain,” Wind adds.

“—we may have to work on bringing down casualties on our side, but that’s something we can talk about for next time. Right now, I say we take a well-earned rest. Sky, can you distribute potions to those who need them, please?”

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Not a lot of people really utilize the fact that the gods of the ancient world were super messed up, did jacked up stuff to people for minor inconveniences, and legit did horrific things for the lols and billy being a child is probably just as likely to do weird things to people with his magic if he feels justified in their Billy head canons: let’s change that

Someone on Twitter @s the justice league official account in their rage tweet and Shazam/Marvel has volunteered to run the account for a few days while the league’s usual guy is out. It seems like a great idea at the time, he’s well known as super friendly guy and even though he’s pretty immature at times he always seems to be the best at deescalating hostile situations with the guidance of what he calls ‘the wisdom of Solomon’.

For a good while Marvel tried to reason with them, giving evidence to the contrary for every accusation, defending his fellow league members, and owning up to his own mistakes and promises that while the league does the best they can, they aren’t perfect. None of it is good enough for them though, they argue in circles for hours.

Finally he just says, “sir, your home will be a beacon for hoards of snakes, the harvest you wish to reap will be drowned by the rain you prayed for, your milk will curdle in your mouth, and your rage will only burn yourself with every poisoned word”

And not even an hour later that person tweets that a long term work project has just been ruined for this or that reason, their coffee is rancid because they didn’t check the date on the creamer when they bought it, posts photos of at least 12 snakes writhing in their bathtub, oh and they’ve been called out for being a jerk by everyone keeping up with the thread.

Marvel/Shazam is never allowed on the Justice League Twitter again.

if this post reaches 100k notes by Halloween I will read Homestuck

when I was in high school my AP english teacher told us we weren’t allowed to eat in class so I took that as a personal challenge to see what the most ridiculous thing I could eat in class without getting caught was so I started bringing soup to class and as soon as I’d crack the lid of my thermos the tiniest bit this football player that sat like 3 rows in front of me would going “I SMELL MEAT SOMEONE HAS SOUP” and no one ever believed him

My adaptation of the God of Arepo short story, which was originally up at ShortBox Comics Fair for charity. You can get a copy of the DRM-free ebook here for free - and I'd encourage you to donate to Mighty Writers or The Ministry of Stories in exchange.

Again it's an honour to be drawing one of my favourite short stories ever. Thank you so much for the original authors for creating this story; and for everyone who bought a copy and donated to the above non-profits.

don’t mind me just plotting

Batman had Danny by his leg. More specifically he was hanging Danny upside-down 40 stories in the air via said leg.

Okay. So Danny maaay have stolen some tech from a lab. Okay, a lot of tech. But Batman thought he was a witness or an accomplice! Not the perpetrator themselves! Does he do this to all his witnesses?

Appearently Danny said that last part out loud and his sass was unappreciated, hence Batman letting go. Unfortunately for both of them Danny didn't want to fall and he instinctually stayed there floating perfectly still in mid air.

Danny may be a terrible liar, but he was a phenomenal actor, especially when he's feeling spiteful. Alright, he thought random bullshit GO! Before Batman could comment, our little menace gave Batman a scandalized look, "You're a meta?!"

"No." The bats scowled even harder than before "Your abilities may have manifested just now."

Oh ho ho, Danny wasn't going to let him get away that easy. "My parents would have killed me if I had the meta gene. I know. They checked." That one wasn't exactly a lie. His parents would have seen any superpowers as confirmation that he or Jazz were ghosts and then it was game over and they did check thier DNA for something a lot when they were younger...huh. Thoughts for later than.

"How do you know you haven't gotten mutated by any of the stuff you deal with? Besides if they were my powers then I wouldn't still be hanging upside down."

Bats grunted in acknowledgment and just stared at him for a few seconds, which was uncomfortable. Lucky for him one of the other bats landed near Batman on the rooftop and asked about the situation. Danny didn't hesitate, "Batmans a meta! I'm stuck!"

"I am not"

"Are too!" Danny quipped back. He sounded kinda childish but he didn't particularly care at the moment. More bats came after the second one spilled the beans on some 'com' thing. They mostly mocked Batman and asked if he was okay, which he was but he would like to be let down please.

Eventually someone called 'Red Hood' showed up and was really really mad that Batman had threatened a kid.

There were fireworks after that. The kind that belonged on a soap opera and Danny wished he had popcorn for it. Unfortunately he was stuck disrespecting physics for the time being.

Or was he? The big bad bats attention wasn't on him at the moment now would be a good time to ru-

Danny screamed, genuinely startled at the sudden free fall. He heard multiple people swear and grappling hooks fire. The next thing he knew he was shaking while holding onto someone for dear life. It had been almost a full year since the accident and yet he still lost control of his powers sometimes when distracted.

Luckily Red Hood is super cool.

----

Aka Danny gaslight Batman into thinking he has superpowers he can't control.

Red Hood is mad Bruce threatened a child.

You’re considered by the Jedi Order as a very cryptic but accurate oracle. Truthfully though, whenever someone asks a question, you just retreat to your chambers, say you’re consulting the Force, watch the DVDs of Star Wars and say it very cryptically to make it look legitimate.