I DIDNT REALIZE THEY WERE CONTAGIOUS

since the tender age of 11 i have been so Scared due to everything being so Scary

Like a half hour after taking pain relief meds: oh actually it doesnt hurt anymore i probably didnt even need to take those

make sure to process your lesbian angst about your middle school best friend/worst enemy so it doesn't form a flaw in your guard by which a less-skilled swordswoman might still defeat you

tumblr post: reblog if you’re not homophobic!!!!1!

me, a gay who is tired of seeing this shit on my dash:

man the first time i heard abt him was the cabbage story he told on Would i Lie to You and he keeps getting better

James Acaster: Cold Lasagne Hate Myself 1999

Bonus:

“0 notes” is such a fucked up & evil thing to implement on this site. it feels so mean. so clinical. none of my mutuals will ever have to bear the burden of seeing it though. Not while i’m alive

STOP. moment of gratitude for those precious times of breathing from your nostrils when you don't have a stuffy nose

Will you treat him gently with his bread soft carapace...? (...)

dealing with the worst case scenario

your condom breaks

you feel a lump on your breast

your friends are ignoring you

you’re stranded on an island 

you got rejected by a crush

you get into a car accident

you got stung by a bee/wasp

you got fired from your job

you’re in an earthquake

your tattoo gets infected

your house is on fire

you’re lost in the woods

you get arrested abroad

you get robbed

your partner cheated on you

you’re on a ship that’s sinking

you fall into ice

you’re stuck in an elevator

you hit a deer with your car

you have food poisoning

your pet passed away

you fall off of a horse

you or your friend has alcohol poisoning

you have toxic shock syndrome

your house has a gas leak