My Dog Can Become Another Animal. It's True! Sometimes She Barks Until She's A Little Hoarse.

49? That many states left?

49 States 😤😤😤

I'm "Creator of Immortal Dorks."

Favorite Toasts

The music op used perfectly enhances this.

Elegance

2016 is fucking awful Carrie fisher died

There are few things in a man’s life more satisfying than successfully piss-blasting a shit-stain off of the inside of a toilet bowl

(via everyday foodie menu)

I'm going to tell my grandchildren this was ABBA.

Available to play weddings, bar mitzvahs and barn raisings

The fact that an immature, inexperienced 18 year old you had to chose what a mature, responsible 45 year old you will be doing, goes to show how fucked up the education system is.

Yeah.....that would be me.

There are people who have waited all year to use the “I’ll see you next year” joke.