Anyway I Do Think Smeagol Could Have Been Redeemed/rehabilitated If The Story Had Played Out Differently

“Zuko adopts” bingo

I was describing all of the “x adopts Zuko” AUs that I used to follow on @muffinlance​​‘s blog to a friend, and I referred to them as “Zuko Adopts Bingo”, so same friend  asked “wait, LITERAL bingo?? Did you guys makes cards?”

and I couldn’t remember any, but I had the time tonight so I was like, why not?

[Image Description: a bingo card titled “Zuko adopts bingo”. The the squares are labeled as such:

First row: Hama, Fire Sages, Jun, Hakoda, the Gaang

Second row: the Herbalist, Vattu, The Painted Lady, Other Spirits, Jet

Third row: Zuko, the Beifongs, Iroh/FREE SPACE, Zuko’s crew, Jee specifically

Fourth row: Yuyan Archers, Batman, Dragons, Kyoshi Warriors, the Dai Li

Fifth row: Azula, Jeong Jeong, Team Leverage, Piandao, Wild Animals /end ID] 

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I did have specific fics and/or tumblr discussions in mind for every one of these. I might try to link them all in a reblog, but I didn’t take notes while I made this so it might be a hassle to find them again ^^;;

also please tell me if there’s any more AUs I forgot about or that are your particular favorites – or better yet, make your own bingo card and send it to me! Let’s make this a Thing, I’m having fun here :P

I think a lot about how Thingol and Finwe were great friends and what a betrayal it must have been to learn about the Kinslaying of the Teleri, of Olwe’s people, Thingol’s own brother, by Feanor, the son of his great friend. Not only is Elves killing other Elves like the biggest taboo that they have, but that it’s your BFF’s son who killed the people that followed you and your brother? The people you were responsible for?? And then along comes your BFF’s grandkids and they’re lying about why they’re really here and nobody tells you about what your BFF’s kid did?? How personal and devastating that must have been to learn about, given what a great friendship there used to be there.  That Thingol had wanted to return to Aman and the Light he saw there, as well as because that’s where his friend Finwe was.  But then he fell in love with Melian and his people settled in Middle-Earth and he wasn’t able to be there when his people were killed. Anyway, this is why I will always have Thingol feelings because, man, that shit had to have hurted.

thinking about how the act of bringing someone back from the dead comes from a desire not just to bring back the dead person but to have things return to the way they were before they died. which is, of course, impossible. if a haunting is an open wound, then resurrection is a knife widening the cut.

Damn I just realized that since the Rohirrim didn’t read or write (wise but unlearned, writing no books but singing many songs) that means Eowyn couldn’t read or write and since she marries Nerdboy McGee who loves reading and writing more than anything you can your bottom dollar one of the first thing that happens in their courtship/marriage is Faramir and Eowyn wholesome tutoring sessions in the Minas Tirith library (!) 

Fact: Lúthien mostly uses her magic through music, as a possible nod to the Ainulindale; the power of this music was enough to move the heart of Mandos himself

Fact: Arwen is often compared to Lúthien in LOTR and the Professor, to the point where it's stated that "in her the likeness of Lúthien walked in Arda once more" or something, not an exact quote

Fact: The Silmarillion does not, as far as I can tell with my bad reading comp. skills, state directly that Elrond never saw Maglor again during the Second and Third ages

Fact: Maglor was also one of the best musicians in Middle-Earth and, given his epithet "the mighty singer" could very well have possessed similar song magic to Lúthien's

Perfectly reasonable conclusion: Maglor drops by Rivendell; finds Arwen, who inherited Lúthien's gift of music; proceeds to become some incomprehensible combination of music tutor, magical teacher and disaster weird uncle to her; and sticks around for her and Elrond. There are emotional father-son reunions. There are inside jokes like "don't let the TWINS near that WATERFALL!!". Neither Maglor nor Arwen ever has to be lonely again. I continue to procrastinate on the fic.

theory: Aredhel was the most skilled among the Noldor at spells of concealment

support:

she was particularly friends with Celegorm, so it's reasonable to conclude that she, too, was a hunter. stealth is a valuable skill for a hunter.

why did a woman who grew so impatient with Gondolin that she badgered her brother for years into letting her leave, and then slipped away from the escort he insisted upon, even move to such a secret city in the first place? Because she's the one who helped hide it in the first place

seriously, someone in the building of Gondolin must've been an expert at concealment spells. Even with Ulmo's blessing, you simply can't build and move en masse to an entire city without anyone finding out where it is without serious juju. why not Aredhel?

Turgon let his sister leave Gondolin on vacation when he never let anyone else go not out of weakness to the pleas of family, but because he knew that if Aredhel didn't want Morgoth or his spies to see or track her, they fucking wouldn't see or track her - and if they could, Gondolin's hope of secrecy was lost anyway.

alas that Eol was even better at it than she was (maybe this intrigued her at first. maybe there was delighted hide-and-seek beneath the dark trees before there was only hiding)

alas that she didn't have time to teach Maeglin all she knew

Why are medieval movies always serious war dramas? I just want a medieval rom com. No listen - it could be so good:

The film opens with the wedding - William de something or other is a young nobleman who expected to spend the rest of his life in a monastery illuminating books when his older brother suddenly dies, leaving him with a title and a huge estate to run. He needs a wife and heir to legitimize his claim, and Eleanor is the young daughter of the lord in the neighboring estate. She is eager to get out of her fathers house and become a wife, and the marriage will be a strategic alliance between the two families. Everything is perfect.

However, it instantly becomes clear that the newlyweds can’t stand each other. He thinks she is a shallow teenager, she thinks he’s a pretentious asshole. As soon as they are alone on their wedding night, they make a plan. Instead of consummating their marriage, they will write to the pope with some excuse (that I need to actually research) and request an annulment. The letter will take several months to reach the Vatican and back, and in the mean time they decide to keep it a secret and play the role of a happy couple.

Shenanigans ensue. Running an estate is hard, and both of them are terrible at it. Eleanor starts off on the wrong foot with the seneschal and the servants, the money isn’t adding up, and William has to deal with his serfs coming to him with increasingly hilarious and convoluted complaints. He snores, she hogs the blankets. The members of the household spy and gossip, the animals are underfoot, and someone is always playing the bagpipes at the worst time. The newlyweds bicker and argue and can’t wait for the letter to arrive so they can finally drop the charade and part ways.

After a while though, Eleanor starts getting the hang of being a lady. It turns out she has a brilliant head for math and logistics, and when she figures out that William’s seneschal has been cheating him and fixes the budget to get them through the winter, he starts to trust and rely on her to run the estate. It turns out that William’s abrasivness was hiding a pious and sensitive interior, and once he realised she won’t judge him for it he teaches Eleanor to appreciate art and philosophy (and also how to sword fight because this is my movie and I want a hot fencing lesson scene). Eleanor helps William come to terms with his bisexuality, he learns to respect her struggle as a woman in a patriarchal society (using language that make sense for the period). They realize that unfortunately they also find each other very attractive.

(Someone needs to come up with an actual plot, I’m not good at that.)

The letter from the pope finally arrives granting the annulment, but they take one look at it, toss it in the fire, and go consummate the marriage.

The costumes will all be accurate to the 14th century and thus used to comedic effect whenever possible. The church, the feudal system, and other institutions of Medieval society will be treated as flawed yet nuanced parts of everyday life, people will be reasonably religious for the time period, and there will be lots of dirty jokes (and a hot fencing lesson scene).

Hollywood give me money!!!

people are cowards about fantasy settings and not including some things in em. I get the aversion to not wanting too modern of tech, however dwarves would invent and fucking love metal folding chairs

Sauron’s First age elf ratings:

Feanor: husband stealer -5/10

Maedhros: squishy, screams loudly 7/10

Fingon: stole favourite prisoner 2/10

Celegorm/Curufin: commited grave sin of letting Lúthien leave to fuck shit up 0/10

Lúthien: FUCK NO. SCARY AS HELL -1000/10

Thingol: has scary wife 1/10

Finrod: tasty 9/10

Fingolfin: hurt husband -2/10

Turgon: unreasonably paranoid 3/10

Maeglin: whiny 6/10

Gil-Galad : who is he?? 1/10

Galadriel: too close to Melian -1/10

Elrond/Elros: mini Lúthien x2 -20/10

Eärendil: killed favourite dragon -30/10

I like how some of Finwë’s kids possess a gram or two of chill (Finarfin got his as a wedding present) but his grandchildren are all 0 chill nightmare children, all 14+ of them. One or two are chill-passing, The Arafinweans, Turgon, and Maedhros can appear to be grownups in the right light, but then you back them into a corner and it’s Kinslaying, Werewolf Biting, Standing At The Top Of Your Tower As The City Falls time. Even Galadriel mostly manages to be self-aware about her tragic case of congenital Shakespeare villianitis. Her greatest achievement is pulling back from the brink of bad choice central.

The Sindar in particular seem to fall into the narrative trap of, “well Fëanor’s boys are horrible demons but their cousins are surely fine,” and then, whoops, the crazy was right next to them the whole time! Just waiting for a dumb stunt to pull! You can’t escape the belated curse that Finwë’s insatiable lust called down. It just took a generation or so to really kick in.