Damn I Just Realized That Since The Rohirrim Didn’t Read Or Write (wise But Unlearned, Writing No Books

✩ WEEKLY FIC ROUND-UP ✩

All the fics I’ve read and really enjoyed in the past week-ish. Reminder: This list features any and all ratings and themes.

DC (Batman)

buy the ticket, take the ride by Anonymous

Tim had always figured that if he ever woke up in Vegas sans-memory, it would be when he was older than fourteen. But there were some things he couldn’t control, and apparently whatever had happened last night that he didn’t remember was one of them.

Instead of All the Colors That I Saw by SilverSkiesAtMidnight

Dick comes around to stand fully in front of him, keeping a steadying hand on Tim’s arm. “Just because you know you’re safe intellectually doesn’t mean you always feel safe,” he says softly. “It’s okay if you don’t feel safe.”

“But it’s not okay!” Tim bursts out. “Because if I don’t feel safe, then how is Jason supposed to feel safe? He shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable just because my brain is screwed up!”

There’s a faint sound by the door, barely more than an intake of breath, and his eyes snap to the no-longer empty doorway.

Day 28 - IT’S NOT JUST IN YOUR HEAD “Good. You’re finally awake.” | nightmares | panic

Star Wars

Present by WhatisWithin

Luke sometimes forgot how scary Daddy was to other people.

It was a weird problem to have. And a stupid one too. He should remember that kind of stuff. Everyone was scared of Daddy.

(After being rescued by his father from the streets of Mos Espa, ten year old Luke adjusts to life on a Star Destroyer.)

Clone Wars

walk by faith/tell no one what you've seen by Killbothtwins

Part 1 of the massive machinery of hope

After the end of the war with the Empire, Obi-Wan wakes up in his twelve-year old body. Now all he needs to do is convince everyone he's psychic, trick his Master into taking him on before he's sent to Bandomeer, redeem a few bad guys, and try not to have a nervous breakdown. Pretty easy. It's not like the Sith are lurking on the horizon, waiting to devour the Jedi Order.

Sticker Burrs by RileeTheRiddler

Obi-Wan gets thrown back into his baby body at the exact moment his birth mother tries to drown him in a rushing river.

Instead of a Jedi, a Mandalorian fishes him out.

General Jocasta by BairnSidhe

Picture, if you will, a shiny new High General Obi-Wan who has just been given control of the GAR on the logic he's the only Jedi with war experience. Except he's never actually organized an army before, and he needs help.

Enter Co-High General Jocasta Nu, who runs the GAR like she would the Archive. Everything organized and cataloged, her precious Collection now expanded to include the entire GAR.

And well, she's a librarian....

The Sith never stood a chance.

Of Tookas and Interdimensional Wormholes by FictionalDragonMother

This is a silly fic about fluffy kitties and their war-torn counterparts who expose a great evil and somehow manage to save the Galaxy along the way. Okay, actual description time:

When the Force decides that things are starting to go down the wrong path, the mystical presence decides to shake things up. And what's the best way to flip the script? Bring in cats. Lots of cats. Cats on the Resolute, cats on the Marauder, cats running around the Jedi Temple and sitting in the seats of Jedi Council members. Is that a completely hairless cat on Chancellor Palpatine's lap? Gross. The rest of them are pretty cute though.

Speaking of linguistics fics, an idea I’ve played with but never put into practice is using maximal Latin-rooted words when characters are speaking Quenya and Germanic-rooted words when they’re speaking Sindarin.

The effect being to make the language shift more meaningful than just a dialogue tag, (maybe even to the point where I don’t always have to say it outright) and it would work by playing on associations of Latinate words as more highbrow and polysyllabic and Germanic words as more common. (Think regal/kingly, dine/eat, or educate/teach.)

It might backfire, it might be impossible (sometimes the connotations run the other way!) but I think it’d be fun to try.

Watch out Dracula he’s got… Academic Credentials

LOTR character Hogwarts houses?

oooooo good question. 

Gandalf- Ravenclaw (Values knowledge and wisdom foremost. Literally named the wisest of the maiar.)

Galadriel- Slytherin (Very wise, but she was also willing to follow Feanor to fulfill her ambitions of ruling a kingdom and she was tempted by the ring. Protects the people of Middle Earth and put aside her ambition to help them. Awesome, healthy Slytherin.)

Sam- Hufflepuff (This character is, in my opinion, the PRIME example of a Hufflepuff. Loyalty? Desire to protect his friends? Nurturing? Yes, very yes.)

Boromir- Gryffindor (I mean, he’s incredibly brave, protective of his friends, and a bit reckless. Excellent Gryffindor.)

Frodo- Hufflepuff or Gryffindor (Honestly can’t decide because he fits both pretty well.)

Faramir- Ravenclaw (Ultimate Nerdboy McGee. Preferred to hang out with an old wizard professor than go do boy stuff with the homies. Love him.)

Pippin- Gryffindor (While his loyalty to his friends is evident, his impulsiveness and his bravery in the face of the most terrifying danger ever makes him a Gryffindor. I mean, he literally stood up to the Steward of Gondor when he was in the throes of madness and was trying to burn himself, his son, and anyone who got in his way. You go Pippin, you funky little hobbit.)

Merry- Gryffindor of Hufflepuff (Loyalty to Pippin and Theoden and his intense study of hobbit history and culture gives strong Hufflepuff vibes, but facing off against the Witch-King of Angmar and his giant fellbeast in a terrifying battle gives off big Gryffindor vibes.)

Eowyn- Gryffindor (I don’t feel like I need to explain this one. She was literally dying to go do brave stuff. She faced off against the Witch-King. She snuck into the army. Superb.)

Elrond- Ravenclaw (Please let this dude read his books in peace. He didn’t ask to be pulled into everyone else’s drama.)

Aragorn- Ravenclaw (A hot take, but I feel like you have to be a Ravenclaw to know the history of Middle Earth to that degree and also to be able to compose amazing ballads on the spot like that. I mean, he’s brave and loyal and stuff too, but he’s also just a big nerd about a variety of topics and he’s very wise.)

Arwen- Gryffindor (“Arwen, babe, we can’t be together because you’re immortal and I’m human and also your dad wants you to go to the Grey Havens with him.” “Nah, Imma stay here with you and defy the world by becoming mortal and facing the uncertainty of a human death because I’m a badass.”)

Legolas- Hufflepuff (Totally willing to throw down for his friends. Decided to befriend a dwarf despite the fact that elves and dwarves hate each other. “Dwarves don’t go to the Grey Havens, it’s just for elves and ring bearers.” “Yeah, screw that this is my emotional support dwarf so he is coming with me.”)

Gimli- Gryffindor (I mean, he’s a big ole history nerd but he literally insults everyone the fellowship meets and tries to fight everyone so…. Also he literally flirts with Galadriel in front of her husband which is a totally baller move.)

Denethor- Ravenclaw (He’s actually really smart, he’s just a dick who went mad. Master strategist. Great example of an unhealthy Ravenclaw.)

Sauron- Slytherin (Climbs his way to the top. Manipulates Numenor to destruction to gain power. Veeeerrrrry sneaky.)

Bilbo- Hufflepuff (Hufflepuffs are particularly good finders.)

Ran into my seventeen year old brother in the kitchen at 1am last night and when I asked him what he was doing he just shrugged, said “these are my roaming hours,” and walked off strumming vaguely on his guitar

It is told that Curufinwë son of Curufinwë crafted for his brother a magnificent limb of metal to replace that which Fingon their cousin had rent in order to save him. Yet no lesser was the second of his cunning prosthetics: a palantír, small enough to be held between two fingers, a Stone to See by which Maedhros took and used for his own. For while one of his once-sharp eyes, now filmed milky white, lay still whole in its socket, its match had been destroyed and its place was sunken and empty.

Thus so did Curufinwë build his lord anew.

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*Advisor to high king Elessar voice* You can go play with your friends after you finish your politics

"So, wait," said the thief, topping off the detective's wine glass. "You're saying that your stressful case is catching that hot shot cat burglar that everyone's talking about?"

The detective grimaced, but didn't change the subject. "Yep," they muttered into their Pinot and took a swig. "The celebrity criminal."

This was a triumph. This was their third date and the thief had spent the prior two carefully laying the emotional groundwork leading up to this moment. The detective, as a social partner, was affable and considerate - surprisingly funny even, in a dry, deadpan way - but rigidly guarded about their line of work. The thief had asked the normal questions about jobs and had been expertly deflected with self-deprecating jokes about spreadsheets and paperwork. The thief had been content to wait. The detective was a fundamentally honest person, and the thief trusted the truth would work its way to the surface soon enough.

"But that sounds exciting!" the thief prompted brightly. "I mean, daring heists executed by moonlight! It must be such a nice change from your run-of-the-mill crimes."

"Mostly it's just exhausting," sighed the detective, rubbing their temples. "This perp is such an asshole."

The thief blinked. "Excuse me?"

The detective shook their head, tried to force a smile. "I'm sorry. I've had too much wine. You were saying about your invitation to audition for the Bolshoi -?"

"Oh, forget about me," the thief said quickly. "Please, go on. You're clearly stressed about -"

"Do you know," the detective went on as if they'd never stopped, "the morning guy on Channel Seven had the nerve to call this a victimless crime?"

"Well, the insurance will pay for it," the thief started.

The detective slapped the table. The thief jumped. "What about the people?" the detective exclaimed. A few nearby heads turned in their direction. "Are people supposed to walk into museums and look at what, framed checks on the wall from Lloyds? And meanwhile, these masterworks disappear into the vaults of gangsters and petty criminals, never to be seen again. Because you can be sure," they added, jabbing a finger at the thief, "crooks that steal art have no love for it. They'll destroy it, every lick of paint, if there's the slightest risk to their own skins."

The detective took another deep swallow of red wine. They looked close to tears. The thief awkwardly patted their hand across the table. This was not at all what they'd expected on this little reconnaissance side mission. The detective caught their hand and squeezed it with a grateful look that wrenched something in the thief's upper chest area.

"Now those guys," the detective said thoughtfully. "The criminals with the vaults. Now that seems like a worthy target."

"I... huh?" The thief stared across the table. The detective looked back with those guileless, honest eyes. 

"I'm just saying," they said, with the slightest drunken slur on their words. "Walking the art out of some budget-strapped public facility is one thing. But emptying out of one of those vaults, liberating all those works of art and returning them to their rightful place before the public..." The detective sighed dreamily. "Now that actually sounds like a daring, hot shot kind of heist."

There was a moment where neither moved, gazing at each other like the lovers they were pretending to be. Then the detective tugged their hand free, stood up with an apologetic smile. "But I'm definitely tipsy," they said. "Let me go splash some water on my face."

When the detective returned from the restroom, the thief was still at the table, watching the waiter clear the plates. By unspoken agreement, they didn't speak until she was well clear.

"So, hypothetically speaking," the thief said finally, running a finger theough a puddle on the tabletop. "How would one go about this vault heist of yours?"

The detective smiled again, nothing drunk or vague about it at all.

8 year old Dick’s third trip to Bruce’s office and being so helpful that he pressed ALL the elevator buttons so that they could shout good morning to each floor

@helimir brought up such a great point in her tags on this post

The topic of the glory of failure in Tolkien's work is a very interesting one.

In fact, most endeavors end up in failure.

Whether it's Frodo failing to complete his mission, Smeagol failing to free himself of the ring & Gollum, Boromir failing to save the hobbits (or Gondor), the Noldor failing to defeat Melkor, Fëanor & the Fëanorians failing to take their revenge and (for most of them) their Silmarils, Maedhros failing to escape his doom, Fingolfin failing to defeat Melkor, the whole Nirnaeth, etc...

They all fail. But the failure is so epic. So spectacular, there is such a grandeur, such valor & prowess, such tragic beauty, such tales, dare I say, such grace to their failure that could never be found in victory.

They're all still hailed as heroes. (Or at worst, tragic fallen heroes or anti-heroes.)

Whether it's Frodo managing to keep his soul if not his peace & happiness & old life for the mercy & pity & kindness he once showed, whether it's Smeagol unintentionally destroying what destroyed him & saving Frodo's soul, Boromir regaining his honor, Fingolfin leaving a lasting scar on Melkor, Maedhros' true nature finally showing itself after so long in his last moment & expressing such deep shame & regret by killing himself when the Silmarils judged him evil, Maglor's good nature shining through even in his worst moments when he decided to raise the half-elven twins & passed down the best of himself still remained to him to them & them growing up to become such great people, & eventually his good nature showing shame & regret by condemning himself to be forever separated from people & singing songs of regret...as @helimir beautifully expressed, if it's not outright a redemption arc, it at least feels like it. Their struggles mattered, but even more than that, their struggles were what mattered.

Even in things like Nirnaeth that were nothing but catastrophes, they're such beautiful, epic, spectacular catastrophes.

Really, how many endeavors truly result in success?

They made an effort, & therefore, they left an impact. & for that, they went down in history. If not as heroes then at least as tragic figures.

They dreamed, they hoped, they willed, they fought, they tried, they were here.

& that mattered.