What I'm Actually Saying When I Defend People With Stigmatised Disorders: “Please Don’t Spread Harmful

CW: mentions of "narc abuse" and ableism against pwNPD

There is no NPD awareness day but there is "narcissistic abuse awareness day" on June 1st.

My proposal: we take over the whole first week of June and make it NPD awareness week. We use that week to raise awareness of what NPD is and the fact that the concept of narcissistic abuse is DEEPLY ableist and it doesn't exist.

They might claim we're being narcissistic by making a day "about abuse victims" about us, as if most of us aren't abuse victims ourselves, but they already made it about us when they made a day about "narcissistic abuse" instead of calling it what it is: emotional abuse. It's not our fault they're so obsessed with us that they blame us for the actions of a completely unrelated group of people (abusers) /hj

But in all seriousness, I do think making June cluster B awareness month, with NPD the first week, ASPD the second, HPD the third, and BPD the fourth (May is BPD awareness month, but almost no one knows this, so including it in June makes sense), would be a good idea.

(If there already is an awareness time, lmk, google only showing me the ableist bullshit)

A lot of pop psychology gets thrown around and since I already have a headache, here's preventing you lot from making it worse.

Love-bombing: A manipulation tactic of increasing affection and grand gestures before or after doing something abusive, specifically to weasel one's way out of consequences.

What it is not: A streak of affection and generosity towards friends/loved ones.

Trauma-bonding: Knowingly traumatizing someone to take advantage of their vulnerable state, to then act like the "hero" or the one who cheers them up.

What it is not: Bonding over similar traumas.

Gaslighting: *Knowingly* convincing someone they cannot trust their own perception of a situation in pursuit of one's own narrative.

What it is not: Misaligned perception of events.

Narcissist: Someone afflicted with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a traumagenic cluster B disorder, that struggles with self-obsession, paranoia, craving validity from the public, delusions of grandeur, and social disconnection.

It is not: Your rubbish ex that cheated on you.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

-Xanthe

“Don’t let your disorder define you”

Okay but do you support the people whose disorders do define them?

Do you support people with the chronic illnesses who have had to develop whole lives around their conditions? Do you support the intellectually disabled people whose whole way of thinking is defined by their disorder? Do you support the people with personality disorders who literally have a disorder as a personality? Do you support the autism/ADHD people whose disorder you can’t separate from who they are? Do you support the DIDOSDD people who have multiple definitions of themselves because of their disorder?

Or are you just saying that because a disorder defining someone means you can’t ignore it.

friendly reminder there'd be a lot less abusive narcissists if there were reliable sources on npd symptoms and how to handle them 🥰

(Source)

On February 8th, this nonbinary child was violently beaten by three cis girls. The school did not call them an ambulance after the beating was stopped, and they later died in the hospital from head trauma. They have also been deadnamed and misgendered in their obituary and in the news. As the author of the article puts it:

How is that not national news? A 16 year old beaten to death in a public school bathroom? By other students. All these unanswered seemingly obvious questions about what transpired, and how the adults involved acted. That should be every headline. In fact, almost every local outlet covering the story misgender and deadnames Nex, using their same assigned at birth. The indignities pile on. We don’t yet know if Nex’s nonbinary identity is directly tied to this incident. But, my God, it sure matters to me that this would happen to any child. A nonbinary kid assaulted in a girl’s bathroom. That outcome from the narrative of anti-trans rhetoric these past years. Still why wasn’t this story breaking news? It involves a nonbinary student in a public school. And school violence and school police resource officers. It involves the deep fear so many trans youth have shared with me about their schools.

Here's to narcissists. You aren't evil, abusive, or bad for having NPD. The trauma you went through to develop NPD was not your fault, you didn't deserve it, and I genuinely hope you can heal from it in whatever way is the healthiest for you. I love you, care about you, and wish you the best.

ppl will be like ‘i support people w mental health issues!!1!!!’ until it’s about a societally demonised disorder. ppl will be “allies” until they’re asked to stop using psychotic as an insult, to stop equating low empathy with being inherently evil, to stop calling anyone they don’t like a sociopathic narcissist. it’s so telling how people will immediately resort to the exact same ableist language the second they’re not talking about a ‘sympathetic’ disorder like depression or anxiety.

if ur respect for people w mental health issues is conditional on what sort of issue they have, it’s not respect at all.

Remember when someone was like “haha the funniest thing tumblr could do right now is make it so you get a badge for looking at 600 posts instead of what twitters doing lol” and then they did it. That was pretty awesome. I think the funniest thing tumblr could do right now is stop flagging trans women’s post as sexual right fucking now lol and fix prev tags and get rid of the fucking bigots and racists and nazis for once haha and also apologize for this shit. Wouldn’t that be pretty funny lol haha it would be so funny if they did this

questioning npd culture is always blaming mistakes you do on trauma or neurodivergencey because it’s not my fault im like this

-🎒🌲

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I genuinely don’t get the whole shtick that NPD makes you a bad person, for many reasons.

I mean most obviously a disorder doesn’t define you but like, in my experience it’s also just that NPD does the exact OPPOSITE of what people think it does!

it can be a horrible thing to deal with, I won’t deny that. But it has forced me to confront two choices- who I am/who I want to be, and who NPD wants me to be. Like, most people don’t ACTIVELY make the choice not to hurt or manipulate others, but I do because NPD is always influencing my desire to be in control and manipulate others. It’s much more present in my mind which means i HAVE to actively make a choice every day to not hurt other people. So actually, NPD just reveals the kind of person I actually am, which is a good one!

I didn’t choose the emotional struggles that forced me to develop this way, but i DO choose how I react. When I want to yell and hurt, i CHOOSE to be kind instead. I’m not saying that I never fuck up or anything like that, I mean hell y’all have seen me fuck up a lot. but even with all the narc crashes and self esteem issues, I am glad I have NPD because I wouldn’t know how much I care about doing the right thing without it!