Twitter User: I wish I had more followers, then I’d be more likely to get verified.
Facebook User: I wish my posts reached further, then I’d get famous.
Instagram User: I wish I had more followers so I can unlock more basic features for my account.
TikTok User: I wish I had more views then I’d be a real influencer.
Tumbler User: I specifically didn’t tag this so no one would find it why does it have 200k notes? Who the hell are these people following me? All of you need to go away so I can go back to posting incomprehensible garbage and pictures of frogs.
I have this weird headcanon that Thorn was named by Fox in a “Why are you a Thorn in my side?” And Thorn just ran with it kind of way… well, here’s the rest of the commanders as they are accidentally named by Fox.
Stone (who accidentally ate something he wasn’t supposed to and Fox is coming to replace him in patrol)
Senator: “Are you high?”
Fox, panicking: “No, he’s stoned. I mean his name is Stone and he’s in training.”
Thire (who was talking about Thorn with Fox)
Thire: *yawns*
Fox, also tired and stopping mid-sentence: “You’re Thired. Go to bed. We’ll continue this in the morning.”
I feel like its a running joke in the Guard that vode are taking Fox’s insults and misspeaks and are like “yup. You will never live this down. This is my name now.”
“Move, Caff. I need away.” (Move away. I need caff)
“Unless the Chancellor is dying, I don’t want to hear it, Shehn'eta (was trying to say shiny or vod’ika and his brain mixed them ended up with 80 in Mando’a) (now the shiny is called 80 despite not having those numbers in his designation. He loves telling the story though )
headcanon that once when the 501st was on coruscant between missions a group consisting of echo fives jesse kix and rex all decided that they were gonna play as spies and figure out where the fuck skywalker was going every fucking night
like, they have a whole plan: we gotta be stealth, we are speed, we are the shadows. they have to wait outside the jedi temple for hours on end because anakin's schedule is whack and he's really unpredictable and they all have to station themselves at five different exits because anakin always changes it up and they still lose him for the first week
that is, until one night. The group is arguing outside the temple about who is gonna guard what exit (fives really wants to go to the front so he can talk to the hot jedi he saw earlier) when suddenly the window above them slowly slides open and all five of these fully armored clones just swan dive behind garbage cans as anakin dramatic skywalker scales the building from one hundred feet up
they all just look at each other like. wow. it was that easy.
and the thing is is that anakin is so focused on making sure no one is able to see him from a distance that he doesnt even clock in the five clones in bright blue literally five feet away
and they're off, with rex leading the boys on their play away adventure
and it gets really tricky. Anakin walks the entire way ("honestly we should just quit now" -fives) and he's constantly doing his jedi jump tricks and launching himself onto fifty foot buildings so the clones have to make a human ladder and send kix up on comm so he can continue to track (kix is actually the best climber out of all of them due to the fact he always has to scale fucking cliffs to get to skywalker whenever he does something stupid) and they eventually realize exactly where anakin is beelining to. the senate building.
and then anakin just waltzs into the senate like its nothing and all the clones stop and are like "can we do that?" and they agree to just send kix in again to follow like hes on duty and then the rest of them climb using the grappling hooks fives convieniently forgot he had
after kix manages to track anakin to like the millionth floor the clones all meet on the landing deck to this random senator's room (kix had to jump out a window two hallways down and crawl along the window ledges) and then theyre like well whats the worst that happens we get fired?
so they argue and eventually it gets physical to the poitn where jesse and echo straight up launch fives through the window into the room where anakin is sitting watching padme cook on the counter
fives looks up like "heeeey guys whatchu makin?" and anakin immediately force throws him back out
but then the other clones bring it up to just go in so they walk in and as echo is writing down the details of the trip in his notebook jesse is like "are you fucking kidding me skywalker" and rex is shifting on his feet because yeah he knew but he didn't know that was what anakin was doing every night
and then padme sees kix and is like "oh hey kix! are you staying again tonight?"
and thats how kix manipulated his friends into basically breaking and entering when they could have just knocked
Snippet of a thing im not going to finish:
Obi-wan and Anakin meet Jango years before cannon. Jango is on a Job for Dooku. Ani and Obi are on a mission to help a tiny moon celebrate a holiday. Of course it all goes wrong and the crash into Jango during their escape, Anakin may accidently kidnap him thinking its a rescue. One thing leads to another and they go on a roadtrip to kill a sith.
"My mom is the best!" Anakin gushed. "She raised me all on her own as a slave. Managed to help start an underground railroad for escaped slaves. And saved 2 jedi all on her own."
Jango nodded. He liked the sound of Shmi Skywalker. Couldn't wait to meet her. Curiously he turned to the third person in their impromptu team up. The redheaded jedi. Who so far had been quietly working away on a plan for their roadtrip to murder a sith.
"What about your parents?" Jango asked. He may as well. He'd already shared information about his buir.
"Hmm? Oh they sold me to slavers when I was 2. Not sure what they're doing now." He answered absently. Voice calm and disinterested.
A loud crash broke the following silence. "What?!" Anakin exclaimed having dropped the small deactivator he was working on for the clone slave chips. "Your parents sold you?!"
Obi-wan finally looked up from his pad. Looking a bit confused. "The jedi found me a few months later. I don't even remember any of it. There's no need to be upset about the past Ani."
Jango bit back his scathing response to that. "What planet are you from?" He asks. Though he's got a good idea. Redheads were pretty sparce in the galaxy. Only coming from a few mostly insular planets. It would also explain why Jango's first urge when meeting had not been to kill the annoying man, but to get him away from danger.
"Stewjon." He answers. No sign of him understanding the implications of what sitting a few feet from a mandalorian means for him.
Jango resist the urge to groan. Of course he would meet the 1 Stewjoni who didn't know about the Call. And he was a kriffing Jedi of all things.
Anakin nearly chokes on his own gasp as he of all people realizes what's going on. The teens eyes snap to Jango and he stabs a finger at him. "I'll toss you out the airlock. I swear to the force. Don't you even-"
"I wasn't!" Jango snaps. He is not getting threatened by some baby jedi. Not even if part of him is crowing with excitement at being so close to one of his people. Jedi or not the redhead belonged to his people. To the Mand'alor.
"Sorry. What's going on?" Obi-wan demands. Scowling at the other two men.
"Everyone's joke about you being mando bait is more literal than previously thought." Anakin answers before Jango can. "You're not allowed be be alone with Jango anymore." He puffed up when Obi-wan snorted in response.
"Anakin-"
"He has a right to be worried. Though I have more control over myself than he thinks, others might not." Jango cut in.
Obi-wan frowned. Looking between them. "I think you may need to explain."
Cody hugs his brother close, hoping it would be enough to stave off the nightmares. He knows it won’t, not when he can feel Fox’s fingers twitching against his chest, curling around his shirt in tiny bundles. He raises a hand to his vod’ika’s hair, brushing it back while shushing gently.
“It’s okay, Fox,” he murmurs quietly. “You’re safe now. It’s all okay.”
His brother’s hands never still but his breathing has evened out from the small gasping from before. Cody can’t help but tuck his brother’s face into his neck, pretending that the water on his face wasn’t tears. Maybe if he closes his eyes and wishes hard enough, he’ll wake up to them being cadets, before the war separated them, before Coruscant wore down his little brother to exhaustion, before they realized they were only pawns in a Sith’s play for power.
Cody wishes they could go back to when they were small, barely decanted for a day but already cuddling in a pile with their batchmates. At least then they still had faith in each other despite barely meeting for more than a couple of minutes, rather than distrust and hatred thrown around for no reason other than to separate them.
Cody stares across the medbay to where his other batchmates lay, wounded and exhausted from the fight but still alive. More alive than how they found Fox.
Wolffe sends a questioning look, a small sign with his hands and Cody nods. He squeezes his brother close and breathes out.
Fox’ika will be alright. Cody will make sure of it. After all, it’s his duty as Ori’vod and he has a couple of years to catch up on.
Humans are weird thing: Hiccups
I don't know if this has been done, but the first time a human gets hiccups when on an alien crew.
It is meal time and suddenly one human who finished eating faster than the others makes a loud sound that has yet to be documented. At first the aliens think that human Mike got suddenly excited and did a strange shout, but that possibility is thwarted when the sound is repeated. Human Mike scowls at the other humans who have started snickering at him.
Perhaps it is an angry noise? Why is Human Mike angry though? He did not show signs of it previously, and nothing has happened between eating and the noise to make him angry. Why must human emotions be so confusing?
"Try drinking water upside-down." Human Dawn suggests randomly, "That's what we always do where I grew up."
"No do NOT drink water upside-down!" An alien crew mate panics. "Doing so could cause you to choke and die!"
"NO!!!" All the aliens who have experience with humans shout at the crew mate who told Human Mike not to do it.
Everyone knows not to tell a human not to do something. It's the first rule in the handbook. They all sigh in resignation at the smirking humans.
Human Mike gets out of his seat, raises his arms, and flips to stand on his hands. Human Dawn who suggested the action is already prepared with her bottle of water. His body wobbles as he hiccups again, and she quickly pours it in his mouth.
There is a tense silence as the entire room watches. A moment later there is another hiccup large enough to send Human Mike tumbling to the floor, cursing loudly at his misfortune. The aliens breathe in relief, a higher up taking the new recruit out of the room for a refresher course on rule number one of dealing with humans.
Throughout the rest of the day, the other humans could be found trying to scare the hiccupping Human Mike with varying degrees of success. The hiccups finally stopped when Human Mike was trying to hold his breath, and Human Josh came up behind him and slammed into his back to scare him. It caused him to choke, yet he seemed grateful to Human Josh anyway.
Animagus AU again
Rex: *standing there with adolescent monkey Ahsoka on his shoulder, quietly grooming his non existent hair*
Anakin: *comes over and looks at everyone for a long moment* Why is Echo crying?
Echo: *feeding bat Fives some watermelon*
Fives: *wrapped up like a burrito in a soft bat blankie while monching and cronching his noms*
Rex: Have you SEEN Fives eat watermelon? It’s cute. I cry sometimes too.
Anakin: *goes over to watch Fives eat his noms* Oh… oh no… they’re right…
Anakin: *turns back to look at Ahsoka* Hey! Why aren’t you cute like that? I watched you shove an entire banana in your mouth this morning, that wasn’t cute! Be cute!
Ahsoka: *fake sadness, hiding her laughing little monkey face in Rex’s neck*
Rex, upon mistaking that for real sadness: *holding her little body close, very protective* First of all, how DARE you-
Looking back, the first sign that something's wrong was that the human had been gone for hours. There aren't many place to go on a spaceship, and yet Gyali was unable to find her.
Now xe spots the human, Alex, as she's hurrying down the long corridor with a brown paper box in hand and a huge smile on her face. Gyali long ago learned to be suspicious of that smile.
"What's in that box?" Xe steps in front of the human, glaring at said box.
Alex's grin widens, showing all teeth and making Gyali shudder. "Wouldn't you like to know." She coos at the object.
Gyali's scales flutter in confusion. "Yes, that's why I asked."
"Oh. It's just... Stuff."
If possible, Gyali's suspicion levels rise even higher. "What stuff?"
The human shrugs, the movement rattles whatever's inside the box, muffled sounds of scattering emerges from it. The human winces. "Sorry, sorry!" She hushes the box. "It's... Come, I'll show you."
Gyali reluctantly follows after the human. Xe doesn't really want to know, not really. But xe's the human's supervisor, so it's not like xe has any choice, does xe?
They hurry down the remainder of the corridor, the human silent as death, while Gyali's steps echo heavily around them despite xir small size. When they reach Alex's quarter, she lets Gyali in first, then firmly shuts the door. She carefully places the box on her desk, then beams down at Gyali.
"They must have been here since we ported at Earth."
The box opens, and Gyali jumps backwards with a screech. The human doesn't even flinch, the sound must have been over her hearing levels... From the box, two small, furry creatures look up with round, black eyes, both of them baring sets of small, but sharp looking teeth. The creatures are terrifying, yet the human watches them with such adoration, of course she does.
"They are mice." Alex says, as if that explains anything. "I haven't seen one in ages. They are harmless, don't worry."
Gyali continues to worry. "Where did you get them?"
"In the garbage cabin. I was just in time, the cat was hunting them, but I managed to catch them first!" She smiles proudly.
Gyali's scales slowly rise into a defensive position. Xe knows what a cat is. The humans' pet predators, vicious and deadly creatures, absolutely banned from all intergalactic ships.
"What cat." Xe squeezes out.
Alex freezes.
"Alex? What. Cat."
It’s-all-just-a-tv-show AU in which they’re all going over the script of the clone wars:
Fives: *reading silently*
Echo: *same*
Fives: what?!? *slams script closed* NO WAY!
Echo: *closing his script and wiping a tear away* aw man, just like that? Just “boom”?
Fives: *pulls echo into a hug* damn man, I’m gonna miss you
Echo: shit, me too. Ah, man, Rex’s gonna be so pissed.
*camera pans to Rex who’s just closed his script on the corner*
Rex: *pointing at the camera* you stop filming this shit right now, I’m going on a strike. *walking away* Oi Cody. CODY! I want you to make a petition online to the writers of this thing RIGHT FUCKING NOW.
Anakin requests hard copies of his casualty reports after every campaign. Rex hand-delivers them and watches the General disappear into his quarters - it will take him 20-30 minutes before he’s ready to transmit anything to the council or senate. For two years, Rex doesn’t think much of the little routine.
Then the Resolute is ambushed during Skywalker’s prep time. The General bursts out of his quarters and asks Rex to finish up the transmission while he joins the dogfight outside.
On his desk, the casualty report. Beside each CT number on the list, in bunched, angular handwriting, is each clone’s name. This is the sheet going straight to the senate - perhaps the only legal document on which their actual names would ever be found. Skywalker immortalizing them in the only way he can.
Rex completes the list in his own sharp scrawl. It sends successfully, and he and the General never discuss it. But when he can, Rex hangs in the hall outside Skywalker’s quarters after delivering the reports, guarding the sacred space. It’s never lost on him - this may be the closest thing to a funeral the fallen 501st will get.