Anakin Requests Hard Copies Of His Casualty Reports After Every Campaign. Rex Hand-delivers Them And

Humans are weird: Nerf Wars

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Alien: Friend human, why do you keep that plastic ballistic toy beside your desk? Human: *Hefts nerf pistol* I was unprepared once…..never again. ——————————– Alien: Does everyone have these plastic ballistic toys? Human: They do, but each department has their own favorite. Human: You can actually tell a person’s job depending on what nerf gun they have. Alien: Really? ——————————– Human: Most of the clerks and desk junkies have pistols. Alien: Why is that? Human: Most nerf wars often start here and they need to pivot quickly if they are in the middle of a task. ——————————— Human: Janitors use shotgun nerf guns and hide them in their carts. Human: They like sneaking up on people and shooting point blank. Alien: Isn’t that excessive? Human: They clean the bathrooms, their revenge is justified. ——————————– Human: The IT department are the most dangerous, you should avoid going near there in the middle of a nerf war. Alien: How dangerous can they be? Human: They like to booby trap everything. Alien: That doesn’t sound so bad. Human: You ever try to go to the bathroom only to set off a nerf grenade? Human: My body was covered in warts for weeks. ———————————- Alien: What kind of nerf guns do executives have? Human: Well, assuming they’re not total assholes, you’ll have one of two kinds of executives. Human: First ones are those that splurge on the giant rapid firing nerf guns that cost, like, $500. Alien: What’s the other type? Human: They buy nerf sniper rifles and take pot shots at people from across the office. Alien: Seems like you could all gang up on them. Human: If we they do they start firing us. Alien: That doesn’t sound fair. Human: Hence being assholes. ———————————- Alien: How does one start a nerf war? Human: Observe. Human: *Pulls out nerf pistol, shoots random officer worker.* Human 2: WTF? Human: Steve shot you. *Points at random other office worker* Human 2: *Pulls out pistol and shoots steve* Steve: *gets hit, roars, grabs nerf rifle and starts firing wildly* Office: *Everyone reaches for nerf gun and starts firing* Alien: How are you humans so easily triggered to violence? Human: *Pulls out pistol and shoots Alien* Alien: YOU SON OF A B- Alien: *Picks up human and throws him across office* ————————————- *Middle of office nerf war* Alien: *Dashes between cover* Alien: I need to get to the copy room! Human: You won’t make it ten feet! Human: *Points down towards copy room, sees deployed tripod with belt fed ammunition.* Alien: Where did that come from?! *Dodges stream of darts* Human: *Loads clip* Todd from accounting brought it up Alien: *Shouts from cover* That’s not fair Todd! Todd: Eat my dick! *Begins firing wildly* ————————————- Alien: Is there a reason a majority of nerf guns look like real firearms? Human: Oh that. Human: That’s just the military attempting to plant subliminal messages into children to get them to associate having fun with holding a gun, therefore making them more likely to enlist into the military. Alien: My gods, that’s awful! Human: I wouldn’t worry; lately it has about as much of a success rate as the military making video games for kids. Alien: Do they work? Human: They fail so badly they turn everyone who plays them into hippies. ————————————– Alien: Moring D- *Sees coworker* Alien: by the gods what is that!? Human: *Hefts giant rocket sized nerf* Human: I call it the “Pink Slip”. Alien: I don’t think they’ll let you use that inside. Human: Hence the name. —————————————- Alien: Isn’t this barbaric? Human: You should have seen it when we were using nerf swords and shields. Human: We built castle walls out of used soda cans for protection and drawbridges made out of sticky notes.

Spiderman Field Trip Fic Recs

Whoever came up with this trope honestly deserves an award... every single one of them manages to do something different, and most of them are hilarious!

This is the worst timeline by Hittinmiss (6.6k)

this fic is absolutely hysterical from start to finish, with cameos from almost all of the Avengers and a (let's be honest) realistic number of vine references.

Mr Stark Enough For You? (another field trip fic bcs we dont have enough) by Livinei (7k)

this is one of my all time favourite field trip fics... the relationship with tony & peter is just written so perfectly and it is so sweet!

It's Above My Clearance Level by tsk (5k)

this fic is so funny!!! the sheer curiosity of all of Peter's classmates even when they are getting told they can't ask questions makes me laugh every time

Perhaps He's Not Missing Out After All. by NotYoCheese (6.6k)

this is just so sweet!! i would pay all of the money to see the look on Flash's face as well xD

The Field Trip by DJ_unicornsgr8 (8.6k)

i think the tag "Flash has no sense of self preservation" sums this entire fic up pretty well!

Definitely Worth It by jennylarner (16k)

Peter is not having a good day in this, but it is so worth it, exactly as the title says!

from your perspective, the world is flat by blueh (18k)

this fic has a lot more peril than most of them do, and i would say it's probably it's the different to the rest of the fics... but it is written amazingly, and i just love all of the characters in this!

so...that's all of them. if you have any fic suggestions or you want me to make a specific fic rec list, feel free to ask! and, as always, thank you to all the wonderful authors for writing and sharing all of these :D

I think I've worked out (part of the reason) why there's been such a huge uptick in folks who don't reblog things on here.

This post has like 14k notes right now, and the tags and comments and reblogs are FULL of people who didn't know about fast-reblog, and -- you guys have been slow-reblogging this whole time!?!??!?!?

In the interests of a) making your lives easier, and b) encouraging you to reblog posts, which is what keeps this site alive, here's how you fast-reblog:

On mobile: press and hold the reblog button. Your blog icon will appear. If you have sideblogs, all of the different icons will appear. Drag to whichever blog you want to reblog to, and release. Job done.

On desktop: hold down the E key and click reblog. Job done.

You're welcome. Now get reblogging.

“WHAT DO I DO?!”

“Only Captain Rex knows how to break that hold, sir!”

“WELL GET HIM ON THE COMMS!” 

-

The shinies try to warn Obi-Wan of Cody’s struggle snuggle tendencies before his morning caf. He didn’t listen. 

REBLOG IF THIS RELATES TO YOU:

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

a thing a human did

It had been… Nine months, since we took a human in our crew. I knew what they looked like and how they behaved, but that was mostly from the manual and stories from some friends. All the normal things everyone knows. They had destroyed their world once, rebuilt it, and now dedicated their entire existence to… Stop that from happenning again. And also everything they do, have and make is either extremely useful or the most horrifying thing one could ever heard of. Just the basics.

Isa was the human’s name. A marine biologist. Our ship was one of the first ones to be made for life-keeping. Our job is to ensure that planets would still have life after the humans did their thing, a risky and complicated job, but an important one.

I had expected Isa to be small. Humans were small, from what I’ve known, but somehow that one was bigger and bulkier than me. Not as big as some others, but everyone was surprised, especially when she decided to cover her teeth in order to not scare us. She spoke in a soft tone and did everything with such delicacy we forgot how humans were.

And then, she reminded us of that.

First, she took in a seed and tried to make it grow. She would try to sing to it from time to time. I thought she was going to… To do that thing. When humans use their voices and things just start to grow out of nowhere. But, thank {   }, that didn’t happen. She just kept talking to it for hours. I don’t know why she would try to communicate with it, and I was too afraid to ask.

Second, she would carry everything we deemed to be too heavy and couldn’t be carried by Ki. Some heavy things. I had to remind myself human sweat wasn’t poisonous to my species multiple times. I don’t know why, but I had to. Especially when Isa got sick and continued to work even when she was sneezing and producing muckus. That was disgusting. But then, once again, some humans would collapse before they dared to admit they had to rest.

And… And third thing. Yes. The third thing. I like her a lot, she’s my friend, but that was before we became close. Isa would collect random things to “preserve” them, and she would say those fancy words to try to classify creatures that were for no practical use. We would get to them sooner or later, but we had to have priorities. She didn’t seem to have these. She would just name and name and name everything, and somehow she remembered it all. And when one of the species became extinct once again, she would cry and write it down to remember. She would… Make them graves. I thought it was religious, but it wasn’t.

I would feel sad for them too. For the lost ones. I helped Isa with her graves, and I was the one to tell the others of who we had failed that time, and sometimes I would have to lie down and rest because it was too much. But not to the point of tears. Not to the point of my own body breaking itself down out of heartbreak and sadness. Isa got sick because of the ones we lost, and we had to care for her. I had to write things down for her so she wouldn’t try to work until she had passed out. I learned to take care of humans because of her heartbreaks with fish.

And then we… We lost too much. Sometimes we would lose some species, but not an entire planet. We were glad no deadly bacteria got to us, but we were all heartbroken. That thing ate an entire planet, and we couldn’t do anything.

Isa was the most affected. She… Vanished. Not literally, but she retreated to her own lab for weeks. We tried to keep her safe, to keep her healthy, but it was hard when we had to deal with our own failure.

One night I decided to stay awake. And then I decided to check on Isa, because she wasn’t coming to her “dinners” anymore. I did what the humans would do: Knocked on her door and waited for a response, but Isa wasn’t responding and I was worried, so I entered anyways.

She… She was trembling, but holding a thing. I asked her what was it, and she whispered for me to come closer. I did, and she asked me to hold it.

Of course, I didn’t know what to do, but I held that thing. It was mucky and wet and soft and, honestly, very disgusting, but… But I looked at Isa, and I was going to ask her what that was, but she was crying. That’s- that’s another thing humans do. They cry, and I knew they did, but that was the first time it looked so raw. I… For a moment, I thought that was blood. I had forgotten what human blood looked like, but then I remembered and I got even more scared. I was afraid of what Isa would do. Because an upset human is a problem for everyone.

But, but she just, she just looked at me. Looked at me with her face covered in those tears that multiple species were using for medicine, and pointed at that thing that was in my hands, and I knew that I shouldn’t have asked but I did it anyways. “What is this?”, and looked at that thing in my hands.

“It came from the seed”, she whispered to me. “It opened up after i fed it with the red devouring”.

“You fed that seed with a plague?”

“Listen to it”.

I did what she had asked me to. I listened to that thing. You know what it sounds like. It whispers things without words. It has something beating, and something singing, and another, last and quiet thing, growing.

What she said to me next is something I will never forget, because she was sobbing but smiling. It was a raw cry of hope.

“It’s the heartbeat of a planet”.

Another attack this time on @mothsmeadow ! He looks like he’d tear up a dance club lol. Hope you like it!

Please Reblog is Your Blog is Safe for Non-Binary People.

If my mutuals can’t rb this then we can’t be mutuals

sketches of scenes from "Shattered Mirrors" by Catnoodles (ao3). idk if they hav any socials so😭but anyways this fic absolutely ruins me and has so many tropes that i love UGH it lives in my head rent tf free🤧🫠(although the monkey mk aspect is my own personal touch hehe)