They're Called World's FINEST Because Look At Them!

the demons in hell must be having a riot there's all these rumors about crowley and aziraphale dating and allegedly theres a picture of them together and then 90 years later you hear that a demon and angel ran off to alpha centauri and you're like oh must be crowley and aziraphale they've been a thing for ages but NO its your boss beelzebub (ex boss now, apparently) and heaven's supreme archangel fucking gabriel. like how do you go back to work after hearing this

literally everything being said at trump’s inauguration:

Dropping this here...

have you heard of this spray that makes you see hair on your face that is otherwise invisible so you can shave it with a dull plastic razor that comes in a 20 pack which will be on this planet for hundreds of years??? buy. have you heard of this single use sheet masks that does nothing different than a normal mask and you have to wear it overnight (it will come off) and on flights (you look crazy)??? buy. have you heard of this camera that makes you see your greasy scalp (normal) and dead skin (also normal) up close so you can purchase a treatment for hundreds of dollars and/or exfoliating scrub containing particles that are going down your drain and straight into the sea???? buy. have you heard of this special plastic gadget that

i am nooooot locked the fuck in. im locked the fuck out. call the locksmith

sorry i never replied. everyday is blending together and im losing sense of time

it's just me and my gay fanfics against the world

Ha ha been there Brucie

Dick: *showing off a cute childhood picture to the family* Oh this one is my favorite! Bruce looks so surprised here, haha! I busted into the bathroom and he almost screamed! It was so funny.

Damian: I can’t imagine Baba getting scared from something so… menial

Jason: Shit was a lot different back then kid. I once scared the old man when. I once scared him in the Batcave when he was examining a gun from a case. Weirdly enough he didn’t get mad at me. I’m pretty sure there’s a picture of that too, it’s in here somewhere. *starts flipping through a photo album*

Tim: *grabbing his own photo album* I noticed that! Sometimes Bruce gets pretty weird and startled easily. Still haven’t figured it out… I bet Steph also had a bunch of stories of the same thing

Bruce: *walk in to the living room* What are you all doing? Hopefully not causing any trouble.

Dick: *grinning widely and pulling Bruce to sit down near him* Nah, not this time. We’ve just been going through a lot of old pictures! See! *shows Bruce the picture*

Bruce: *squints at picture before frowning* Oh, I remember that. I was in the middle of a suicide attempt and you caught me

Dick: WHAT! *coughing and sputtering*

Bruce: Yes, see the knife by the bathtub? And the bottle of pills near the toilet? Dropped them when you busted in. I thought you knew?

Jason: *absolutely shocked* Pops… what the hell???

Bruce: *glances over at the picture Jason found* That one too. I was going to turn the gun on myself.

Jason: *looks down at picture in horror*

Bruce: *grabs the photo album from Tim’s hand and flips through it* About half of these are interrupted attempts lol. The other albums probably have more. *shrugs*

Damian: *teary eyed* Baba…

Bruce: *already moving Damian onto his lap and hugging him tightly* Oh no sweetie, it’s okay. I’m… I’m trying to get better. I’m sorry I really thought you all knew…

Tim: *hides his face in Bruce’s shoulder while hugging him* I should’ve noticed. I’m sorry…

Bruce: No Tim, this is never and will never be your fault. It’s not your job to take care of me, even if I did push it on you when we first met. None of you have done anything wrong.

Jason: *voice breaking* B-but…

Dick: W-we could’ve… *tearing up*

Bruce: Done absolutely nothing. I was in a dark place long before I met any of you, even being with Alfred didn’t help.

Dick: I still can’t believe I never noticed… w-what happened to you after I left? After Jason died?

Bruce: Let’s not talk about that, it’ll only make us all upset.

Jason: *flipping through photo album and scrutinizing every photo* Y-you look so gaunt in these… I’ve never noticed…

Bruce: *chuckles awkwardly and slowly pulls album out of Jason’s hands* Yeah, that’s what an eating disorder will do to you. And coke…*mutters*

Tim: Fuck…

Dick: What was that last part?

Bruce: Nothing, anyways… let’s stop talking about this, okay? I made brownies.

Damian: *still sniffling* Okay Baba… can we have ice cream too?

Bruce: *chuckles softly, smiling fondly at all his sons* Of course, cmon, before Alfred finds out.

Most of DC writers be like:

if i had a nickel for every time a gay show gave me a gay kiss before ruining my gay life…

id have two nickels. which isn’t alot but its FUCKING DEVASTATING THAT ITS HAPPENED TWICE