Humans Are Weird

M-melting brains? I-uh I think I might need to sit down and rethink my life.

Alien: So… when harmful foreign substances enter your bodies, you increase your body temperature?

Human: Yep

Alien: You slowly burn yourselves alive???

Human: Well when you put it like that, geez

Alien: And you regularly survive this?

Human: Mostly, but sometimes people’s bodies get too hot and their brains start melting.

Alien: ….

Human: It doesn’t happen so much anymore though, don’t worry!

Alien: Don’t worry, they say. Melting brains is fine, they say.

What is this planet

There’s someone who has their iPhone named “hot single horses in your area” and they airdrop people pictures of horses randomly. Nobody knows who it is. Once, during an assembly, the laptop that the projector was from had airdrop turned on, and in the middle of a presentation about bullying, it popped up in front of the entire school. HOT SINGLE HORSES IN YOUR AREA WANTS TO SHARE AN IMAGE. A picture of a horse, with text in bubble letters over it saying “available”

Earth oceans and what's in them

Going off how the Humans are Space Orcs and “Humans bond with anything despite obvious danger” that annoys the rest of the alien crew, think about them being introduced to earth oceans

After all it’s common to have to always remove their human from unknown likely dangerous life forms despite constant protests and that they were only “playing” they start to notice that their human never really speaks of their earths sea creatures, which makes sense as the humans organs aren’t equipped to survive in that environment despite being able to “swim” (it is a common theory discussed that humans could survive if given no option to otherwise as that’s what they always seem to do) curious and nervous, a rookie of the crew, decides to ask (the veterans have learned not to ask about earth as it always ends in confusion and horror) Only to be told that “they aren’t really sure”, in human speak this can mean many things. One is that they never looked, another is that they were honestly telling the truth. Confused, they ask again as surely the species that does everything to fulfill their curiosity would surly know what fills 75% of their surface? Only to be told of creatures that are the length of their ship with a jaw just as wide. Of creatures that glow to attract and trap their pray. And that there was never a pod that was created could withstand the pressure of deepest depths. Or if it could, the visual feed would always disappear within rows of jagged teeth. And that are only the stories that have been proven. There are stories of the old ages, of creatures that could drown you with the sound of their voice, of things only seen in the shadows with a glimpse of sharp teeth. Humans don’t go in the ocean, they learn. Humans that are made of iron and steel, known to bond with anything, and a curiosity that defies all known logic don’t dare to explore the depths of their own planet. The crew learn that the only thing to terrify their human are the creatures that lurk in the oceans of their own earth. Everything must seem tame to them compared to the monster planet that they call home. And suddenly, things make sense.

Humans are crazy and can do things that sometimes shouldn’t be physically or realistically possible. We relish the chance to break new barriers, to prove someone wrong, to spit in the face of reason and say screw it all for the sake of seeing if we CAN make it work.

But.

The lengths we will go to to avoid doing things we just DONT like? We’ll give away even our most valuable resources. Strike deals with devils hundreds of times over. Employ extreme avoidance tactics. Even go to the point of begging on our knees for aid in avoiding the action. Cousins bargain away their most cherished rations, memorabilia and even monetary items to get out of sitting by that one relative at dinner. Siblings sell themselves to each other for labor, snacks and sole rights to consoles and transportation to get an alibi for a few short hours. Humans will scour every inch of their living quarters and tackle every project in their command in under 24 hours JUST to avoid that load of laundry in the dryer, or that single research paper on the Scarlett letter. Proud friends and family alike will fall to their knees and beg JUST to get out of changing that diaper or watching that one wild child.

Humans may be proud,collected, mad geniuses who break barriers and physics just to see if they can and stare death in the face to see who flinches first But there is nothing on earth or heaven above we will not do to avoid the tiniest things. And i think that’s beautiful.

Walking Through a Memory

You know that prank where you move everything in the house two inches to the left and it’s so subtle no one notices but they keep bumping into stuff?

This is a peculiar consequence of kinesthetic awareness trumphing spacial awareness, I think. We don’t need to look at where we are going because our bodies know how to move there and don’t need to double-check. Hence why we don’t look at our feet to walk.

So imagine that aliens don’t have this to the same degree humans do. The furniture moves and they move around it and are confused as to why the human crewmates keep bumping into things.

Then one day, after all the humans ajusted to the prank, the lights go off and the aliens can’t move around.

But the humans are just navigating the spaceship by muscle memory. And that is amazing, that it is possible for them to *walk through a memory* to compensate for being temporarily blinded.

okay so i’ve seen a lot of post about What If Humans Were Weird and stuff about humans and aliens interacting but………….give me some human/alien relationships? where are my complicated courting rituals???? where are my human alien marriages??? Give Me That Shit! what if aliens consider humans the Epitome of Beauty and grace? like yknow how some ostriches prefer presenting to humans instead of other ostriches? and anyone who is lucky enough to be mated to a human is thought of to be like a tier above.

but like the flip side where any human who marries an alien is immediately known as a Kinkster. “i fucking knew david was into weird shit!!! no wonder he got married to an alien from sector 764b4 HE LIKES TENTACLES!!”

or maybe?? aliens who like humans are weird to other aliens? “omg ru'garr stop fetishizing an entire species, u creep.” and ru'garr is trying to hide his weird human porn like “ITS NOT THAT WEIRD GUYS THE GENITALS ARE COMPATIBLE!!!” “fuck off ru'garr”

i just,,, can’t believe i haven’t seen any of this?? @space-australians

Somebody said Humans would be the Mad Scientist species to aliens- like, aliens watch Back To The Future, and they see Doc Brown, and they think yes this is a human scientist, they’re all that crazy, these humans do such insane things with science.

I would like to offer an alternative.

Humans are tough. We can shrug off plenty of injuries, and we recover pretty fast from most others. Hell, we find minor injuries amusing (Don’t tell me you’ve never laughed at someone getting hit in the balls).

Humans have a skewed sense of danger. We think baby anything is cute- tigers, lions, alligators, whatever, no matter how scary they grow up to be- and even then there’s people that would happily cuddle up to a grizzly. Even less adventurous humans keep vermin as pets, or snakes, or dogs, that apex predator sub-species we made.

We are fascinated by morbid and scary stuff. We have a whole genre designed to terrify people. Tons of fantasy revolves around deadly monsters, plenty of which involve romance with said monsters. Lots of grim dystopias in sci-fi. Even children’s stories involve grandmothers getting eaten or witches getting cooked in their own oven.

And if you’re on this site, you know all the jokes we make about depression or social anxiety, or joking about wanting to die.

We aren’t the Doc Brown species.

We’re the Addams Family Species.

Humans are space orcs

I’ve been reading a lot of these “humans are space orcs” posts and that got me thinking…

Imagine that you’re the only human in youre crew. Youre crew is getting attacked by pirates and they start shooting darts with a deadly substance in it. None of youre crewmembers is getting hit, but one dart hits you. The whole crew is freaking out and screaming “Oh no, our human is dying!”

But you don’t feel like you’re about to die. You feel energetic and hyperactive. You manage to blurt out “ohmygodifeelawesomewhatwasinthosedarts?!?” And one crewmember just stares at you like you lost youre mind and says “that… that was caffeine”

And then you spend the next hour running in cyrcles and screaming “WEEEEEEEEE” while your crewmembers slowly start to whish that these darts had killed you.

Variety

We as humans thrive on variety. We need variety in our food, our schedules, our lives! Without variety there is a possibility that we can die. And boy do we every come up with stuff so that never happens.We make new dishes, we constantly change up our schedules so that it is no longer repetitive, we have different types of clothing and/or different needs in a mate. Of course we have even made food that can look the same but taste completely different(or the other way around!) just to have some changes. An alien could be used to seeing a human walk by them at exactly 16:00 and accept that as part of their schedule. Now when the human wants more variety and walks a different way to get to the same spot, all the aliens that have become adjusted to that human walking by them would either be awfully confused or deeply afraid because they can no longer follow their schedule like they were supposed too. Thus, chaos reins in the ship because one human wanted some variety.

My two cents to the Humans are weird tag

I’ve been reading a lot of “humans are weird” posts and I noticed how the aliens just seem… all the same in a way? Like, they all act the same, or live the same way, or something…

Why does it seem like humans are the only ones to… I don’t know, give live birth, or dye their hair/get tattoos?

And why does it seem like humans are weirdly homogenous in those stories. Like… “all humans “pack-bond” “ or whatever.

Why wouldn’t other species have more different languages on their planets?

Why wouldn’t other species have now-useless organs, that are just an evolutionary relic, and serve no real purpose?

Why wouldn’t other species have like eye-sight problems and have some equivalent of glasses or contacts?

Why wouldn’t other species have prostetics?

Why wouldn’t other species get adrenaline rushes (or equivalent of it)?

Why wouldn’t other species wear clothes?

Why wouldn’t other aliens do crazy shit just because?

Why wouldn’t other aliens tan or dye their hair (or equvalent of it) or get tattoos?

Why wouldn’t other species have baby teeth or something similar?

Why wouldn’t other species have mental illnesses or allergies?

Why would humans be so special?

Why would other species act so… primitivelly, despite being so advanced? (Meaning like alpha/beta etc. dynamics being very important or huge size difference between males and females of the species).

So, let’s say that one species usually has like one or two oddities, sometimes more, but none has so many as humans. Humans are not unique in the things they do - they are just unique because of how many weird thing they do.

Imagine some alien captain getting briefed on how to handle humans, before a human joins his crew like:

Older alien captain (O): So, one of the things about humans is that they have many languages they speak on their planet, so they might use translators to communicate with each other, too.

Younger alien captain(Y): Like Nintians or Fari?

O: Yeah, like that. And they sometimes use paint to change their haircolor. Their hair changing color is not a sign of illness.

Y: Like with Zagraw?

O: Exactly. And they like to keep small animals with them, even small predators. They call it “pets”.

*continues for another four minutes, while reading other stuff from a screen*

Y: Slow down… these humans sound really out there. You’re sure they do all that stuff? One species can’t do all that stuff, that’s ridiculous.

O: Kid, we’re like on the first page of the manual. There’s a hundred more pages.

Y: You’re kidding me, right?