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Humans are odd

To jump into the whole humans are space oddities, imagine an aliens reaction to contacts.

Human Kayla had recently joined the ships crew, who all felt rather prepared. They got her a hamster and everything. And so, they go on for a good two weeks until Human Kayla says her contacts were irritating her.

So, of course, everyone is super freaked out because, “Human Kayla! What are these contacts you speak of? Are they part of your body?” and etc.

But then they watch her reach to her face and shove her finger onto her eye. And peel a bit of it off.

And now, of course, the aliens are terrified, because humans can casually peel the top part of their eye off if it hurt them, and it was once again time to update the intergalactic human manual.

This seems to relate to the ability humans have relating to the 4th dimension.

Humans are Weird: That One feeling

Im talking about the ‘I know someone is there’ feeling. You could haveyour back to something, but then just /know/ that theres someone/something behind you without seeing or hearing anything. You just /know./ Like, imagine how weird that’d be to Aliens

Bizarinvin: *Walks up to Ava slowly and quietly, maybe trying to see if xey can surprise them somehow*

Ava: *Immediately turns around* Yo Biz. Trying to scare me?

Bizarinvin: Yes but how did you even know I was there! I made sure I was silent!

Ava: I have eyes on the back of my head

Bizarinvin: Really?!

Ava: *Laughs* Nah. I just felt you there.

Bizarinvin: But you havent touched me.

Ava: I just sensed you there I guess then

Bizarinvin: What? How?

Ava: *Shrugs* I dunno. Humans can just… know if theres someone there without looking or hearing them sometimes

Bizarinvin:….Ok. *Goes to update the Human Guide with this new info 

The pack bond feature your race has aquired is vastly inconvenient to say the very least.

Okay, so I feel like contributing to the Humans Are Weird section and it’s just, humans and predators get along? Like, we have mutual beneficial relationships and companionship with animals that, in theory, we should be fighting with. 

Like, we have cats and dogs as pets, some people have wolves, we see lions and tigers and think they’re cute, hell, zoologists have been raising Big Cats for years, not to mention the stories about people care taking bears. 

And if Jurassic World became a thing, you can bet your ass someone would Chris Pratt a set of pack dinos

So like, imagine that theres a race of aliens who are, by genetic script, predatory, and vicious and every alien system are like “Theres no chance at establishing peace with them, it’s impossible.” But then humans come and we stumble across a wounded one like 

“this species ?? Is adorable ?” And all the other aliens are like 

“No, human Mike, it is a vicious predator! It’s bet to just avoid the quadrant where theyre from and destroy any that come too close.” 

“You want to kill him, but he’s just a wittle cutie!” 

“ … Human Mike, stand back!” And of course the humans rally around it and force the other aliens out and slowly feed/build up trust with the species and we form a bound with them and Aliens are like ???? 

Evetually humans teach the aliens how to respond to the species and while they’re still pretty dangerous if they’re hungry and you shouldn’t turn your back on them, there’s still like, relative trust between the species. 

Gravity

Something I haven’t seen yet with the “humans are weird/space orcs” thing is differences in gravity

Like imagine humans going to planets or moons and having to have an alien escort to hold them down. Humans stuck to their alien friends with those little backpacks with leashes that parents put on their kids or pets!!

Or humans going to a planet with such high gravity that the aliens feel like they’re being crushed to death and ppl are just “ah yes, the comfortable pressure of home world”

here’s another one i thought of

what if humans are the only ones capable of being offended?

like, an alien says, casually “i don’t like you” and the human… reacts? the alien is all “am… i not using that word correctly? like is to indicate a preference for? and I have no particular preference for you human we just met?”

and the human is like “first of all, how dare you“

and the alien doesn’t understand why the human is angry? there was nothing about the value of human in the statement, so why did the alien’s statement distress them so?? the feeling of liking (or absence thereof) was completely dependent upon the [internal thinking mechanism process] of the alien???

and like 30 minutes of language analysis later, they come to the conclusion that, because the human is new, there is no reason for their presence to cause a pleasant feeling (which is liking? the alien guesses), that the alien wasn’t trying to cause offense (OF COURSE NOT, THEY DON’T HAVE A DEATH WISH), so the human is just like “oh, ok, i guess i’ll just have to grow on ya!” *failwink* and then there’s the lightbulb moment for the alien, like

OH. This is why humans are aggressively social. pets/hugs/touches everything. forms pack bonds so quickly and fiercely. They like things. and they want to be liked in return.

Filthy Habit

To add my voice to the humans are space orcs headcanon…

Nail-biting.

Considered a “filthy habit” by humans, it *horrifies* aliens who are all like OH MY GOD the human is EATING ITSELF ALIVE OMG OMG RUUUUUUN BEFORE IT EATS US NEXT!!!!

And when the crewmembers report this no one believes it at first but after a while the ship captain and CMO fearfully approach their human crewmember and catch her in the act.

CMO: Human Theresa… are the rations you are allocated insufficient for your needs?

Theresa: Um… no? I mean yes. I mean er… I eat enough yeah. Why? *chews cuticles absentmindedly*

CMO: *cringes in horror*

Captain: THEN WHY ARE YOU EATING YOURSELF!??!

Theresa: *blushes and takes hands out of mouth* I know, I know, it’s a filthy habit. I can’t stop though, I never even notice I’m doing it till someone points it out.

Captain: *horrified* You… you don’t NOTICE that you are self-cannibalizing. O.O

CMO: We have to put you on suicide watch. This attempt at self-destruction must be halted. Don’t worry, Human Theresa. We will help you. Thank the stars we caught this problem before you gnawed off a limb!

Theresa: Umm… O.o *absentmindedly chewing on pinky nail*

yES GOOD

i will sell my soul for amputee, half blind angry kid vriska. 

she lost her arm in an escalating LARPing conflict that ended in fireworks and the hospital and a few mangled friends.

vriska serket, 12 years old and missing an arm, trying to claw out a group of friends and companions. 

vriska who was raised by a grandmother who doesnt care and who lives in her mothers diaries  

vriska who is a shell of spikes and anger and a gruff temper because without that there would be nothing left of her 

I really want a science fiction story where aliens come to invade earth and effortlessly wipe out humanity, only to be fought off by the wildlife.

They were expecting military resistance. They weren’t counting on bears.

I have only once contained this much terror and confusion at a time,.and that encounter involved a Quag'snartian Fleshchanger.

how would aliens react to tattoos? like, some humans undergo large amounts of pain to have an image permanetly inked on their skin and sometimes the reason is no more than "eh, it looks cool"

“Human Tyler, you seem to have acquired pigmented particles under your skin.” Rytrinq began, trying to gain their attention at the same time as xe remained polite and considerate. “Do you wish time to cleanse yourself?” Xe asked, quite pleased with xemself for remembering the appropriate question.

“Fuck off, don’t be rude.” Human Tyler repeated, looking enraged for some reason. Granted, Rytrinq didn’t have the longest experience deciphering human mannerisms, but the wording didn’t leave much room for ambiguity. “This took a loot of time, and I’ll have you know I’m really happy with how it turned out.” They added, baffling Rytrinq further.

“You got dirt under your skin on purpose?” Xe asked, getting more confused each time Tyler spoke. Fortunately, it seemed they realised xe genuinely didn’t understand. Or at least they were willing to indulge him. 

“It’s not dirt. It’s ink, and yes. It’s called a tattoo. It’s art.” They said, clearly still angry, though they did look slightly less terrifying, which xe decided to count as progress. Xe had heard that human art came in many forms, but xe had never heard of one involving the human body itself.

“Human Tyler, that is immensely intriguing. How is it made?” Xe asked, relieved when they seemed to realise it was a case of cultural confusion rather than xem being purposefully rude.

“Well, you go to a tattoo artist, and they make the design and then make a sort of template, I guess you could call it. Anyway, they put that on the place you want the tattoo, and it transfers a bit of ink so the artist’s got something to guide them. And then they have this machine, which is basically a bunch of needles that pierce the skin with ink. Which the artist use to sort of draw on the skin, leaving cool art like this.” Human Tyler said, adding a pointed look for the last part while showing off the art. Rytrinq was however too worried - and quite frankly terrified - to think too much about it.

“It pierces your skin and drags the ink machine through your skin? Is that not painful?” Xe asked

“What? No, no it goes up and down into the skin. If you drag it without the needles getting up you’ll end up with big scars. It does kind of hurt, but it’s not that bad.” They answered, clearly believing that to sound better. As if getting stabbed multiple times was no big deal.

“What purpose does it serve? Is it a hierarchical or sociological requirement?”

“No, some people don’t even like them. Think they look unprofessional or whatever bullshit like that. But it doesn’t really have a purpose.” Human Tyler answered with a brief elevation of their shoulder area.

“Then why do you put yourself through the pain?” Xe wondered. They had to have some reason after all, right?

“Eh, it looks cool. I mean, I just really like daffodils, always have. They’re cool.” They said, once again reminding Rytrinq that xe would never fully understand humans.

I have fallen down the "humans are space orcs/earth is space Australia" hole

I see a lot about humans being scary durable and cute and they bond readily to other creatures type of posts. But like what if the aliens don’t understand that we can bond with other creatures sometimes MORE than other humans….

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Zůrłtg is “best friends” with human-trixie, their crew first got their human 7 cycles ago and it has been a fast friendship, humans are infamous for their bonding ability, but Zůrłtg didn’t know that they sometime bond more with one person then others. Zůrłtg was honored when human-trixie bestowed upon zem the title “best-friend”. Human-trixie joined the crew as there botanist, which might be part of there friendship as Zůrłtg is made mostly out of cellulose. She has been a true asset to the crew, as she has saved many a fellow crew member from harm with her bravery and courage. Zůrłtg remembers unwillingly the time she pushed Captain Cul out the way of a carnivorous plant only to be devoured herself, and when all thought she had perished bust out of the bloom with the plants brain stem in hand. Human-trixie is also adorable, she is small and kind and smart. So if this is what humans are like it no wonder everyone was so excited to be meeting with Space Crew Valen as they also has a human aboard. Maybe they will be lucky and their humans will mate and they can have baby humans! Unfortunately for Zůrłtg the Valen crew human was not like human-trixie. He was not as small as human-trixie or having pleasing brown “hair” from his head, in fact he seemed to always be making the face human-trixie makes when she is displeased, though not nearly as adorable. But ze tried not to judge a book by its cover as human-trixie would say and was extatic to meet him. Even more unfortunate, the human did not choose to bond with zem as human-trixie did, in fact quite the opposite, this human, human-dave, did not like zem at all, calling zem a (swear word) jolly green giant and that he should (swear word) off. OH NO this is terrible!!! Human-Dave will tell human-trixie not to like zem anymore and he will lose his “best-friend”. If ze had tearducts he would be crying like human-trixie when her pet-hamster-walnut died. Human-trixie must never know this or she will surely not like zem anymore! To zes dismay human-trixie knew something was wrong the second that she saw his drooping mumds. Zůrłtg ended up telling her everything as ze is not as adept at the act of deception as her. Zůrłtg watched with horor as human-trixie got really really still, “he said what?” she spoke with a stone voice so unlike her normal happy squeaky tones. She got up. This is it. She is abandoning zem. She told zem to follow him as she walked calmly to the common room where the visiting crew was. There must be a ceremony to leave a “best-friend” that another human must witness Zůrłtg thought. Or maybe she wanted say hurtful things with human-dave at him. Zůrłtgs mumds were dragging on the floor at this point. Much to Zůrłtgs surprised as he watched human-trixie mall human-dave screaming swears words with a violence that none of either crews thought possible for such a small adorable being. Zůrłtg was still disappointed about not getting any human babies but ze was releaved that ze was the “best-friend” of such a fierce creature.