Crosshair, To Hunter: Of Course You Can Trust Me. All My Motives Are Completely Sinister

Dare You To Move [5]

Pairing: FWB!Roommate!Tom Holland x Reader

Word count: 3,960

Warnings: Swearing, angst, mentions of sex, fluff, some drinking

Summary: There’s no reason to be jealous…right?

A/N: Sorry for the delay in updating! We’re gonna blame Tumblr tbh and also the fact I have an infection and nothing I can do to make it better. Expect an extra chapter later this week! Please lemme know what y’all think!

prologue || ch. 1 || ch. 2 || ch. 3 || ch. 4

series masterlist // masterlist

You told your family you were dating Harrison. What’s that even supposed to mean? Why would you do that? And why are you telling Tom this now? It seems so random and strange for you. You don’t lie to your family, not like that. Well, not really. You’ll lie about you and Tom but that’s your agreement. But, what could be lying to your entire family about Harrison have to do with anything? Why would that even be important? Why didn’t you tell him sooner?

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Crosshair: don’t you kriffing dare die on me

Tech: I have no intent on doing so…

Time for a rescue mission I recon 👀

This is basically a part two to this drawing! The brainrot for any Tech and Crosshair interaction is very real my guys, I just need them all to be happy 🥲

Beard Batch !

Tormenting Secretly.

Alone.

Grogu has the talking stick shhhh

I just want you to know that “The lying bitch who probably isn't even made of iron” is the funniest thing I have ever read and i am forever grateful to you for it

The avengers are FALSE ADVERTISING.

1. Captain America

Apparently America doesn't even have the position of "captain"??? There's only President America. Are you the president Steve??? ARE YOU??? Yeah. Didn't fucking think so. Terrible deception. -2/10

2. Iron Man

You'd THINK he's made of iron but nooOooOO let's call a superhero "iron man" and not tell anyone he's actually made of HUMAN FLESH and ANXIETY I'm fucking PISSED 0/10

3. Black widow

Not a spider (smh). As if that's not bad enough, she's actually a white and unmarried woman. Disgusting. -4/10

4. Hulk

Definition: an old ship stripped of fittings and permanently moored, especially for use as storage or (formerly) as a prison. NOT a big angry Shrek. The sheer absurdity of it all. -6/10

5. Hawkeye

has human eyes -900/10

6. Winter soldier

He was a soldier so I'll give him that. But also can be seen during ALL seasons, NOT JUST WINTER. 5/10 for half truth

7. Spiderman

Ok see this is fair because he's got spider in his DNA. I've only got one criticism and it's that he's not a man. He babey. 7/10

8. Ant Man

DISGUSTING. HORRIBLE. REVOLTING. NOT MADE OF ANTS. DOESN'T EVEN HAVE ANT IN HIS DNA. JUST BECOMES V SMALL AND V BIG AS PER WILL BECAUSE OF SCIENCE. ANTS D O NO T BECOME V BIG. SHOULD'VE BEEN CALLED ELECTRICAL ENGINEER MAN or ANT IMPOSTOR MAN. -80/10

9. Vision

he can see. 10/10.

10. Scarlet Witch

often seen wearing scarlet things. scarlet magic waves come out of her hands. So that's nice. Is never seen brewing even one (1) witch potion (paprikash does not count) or casting spells. Does some weird hand wavy thing. Yuck. Not a real witch. 4/10

11. Quicksilver

was v quick. Not made of silver though. Yet another half truth I'm sick of it 5/10

12. Falcon

regular man. Can't even fly without science wings. Is never even seen swooping down on his prey. Decidedly NOT a falcon. -59/10

13. War Machine

has done like 3 wars at least so that's good. Unsure whether the "machine" part is referring to the metal onesie or the man inside it. I'm gonna go with the former because James Rhodes is a hero in his own right. 20/10

14. Thor

yeah. 1000/10

one CREEPY spider just earned the KISS of a lifetime- turning her back into her original princess form! (larger spider