This Will Never Not Be Relevant. 

This will never not be relevant. 

The Happy-Sads

I was having a conversation with someone important to me a few months ago and they said something I had never heard before.

We were talking about depression. More specifically- the flash-flood of bulletproof mania, and it’s inevitable descent into lengthy, paralyzing anguish- our shared condition. 

“The Happy-Sads.” they said. “That’s what my doctor calls them”.

 I rested in the hum-quiet lapse that happens every so often on the phone. 

It seemed such a simple way to put it, but it summed it all up. I hear these little pieces all the time- I think we all do- someone says something, a turn of phrase, or a sentence fragment- and it sticks. It resonates. It becomes a short story or the subject of a comic, a song title- sometimes more.

The Happy-Sads.

It felt like something larger and smaller at the same time- it made sense of everything, boiling it down to a simple phrase- and I laid down under it’s gravity. 

I remember being a boy, and the times where everything was quiet. Those were the briefest moments, and you had to catch them like comets. Then came chaos and noise- reckless, indestructible enthusiasm. That part lasted longer than the quiet, but not nearly as long as the empty.

I think it was easier for those older than me to say I was simply shy, and I wasn’t to hear the word “introverted” until I got to high school, and I didn’t hear anyone seriously talk about “depression” until I was in college- and even then it was just something you could “will away”. No one’s son or daughter was “crazy” or a “manic-depressive”. Labels. From youth to adulthood I would bounce back and forth from “very artistic” to “quiet”.

If my depression was robbing the bank, then my anxiety was waiting in the get-away car outside, masked and armed. There would be stretches that would go on for weeks where I thought I was going to Hell. These would segue into stretches where, knowing that everyone was going to die eventually and I would lose everyone I knew, I couldn’t spend more than 2 minutes in school before going home in hysterics.  I just didn’t want to lose a single moment with people I loved- moments I could never get back.

My anxiety found different ways of manifesting itself- more subdued versions as I got older, but the back and forth, the up and down, stayed the same. You couldn’t wind a watch to it, but you could see it just over the hill, and you’d wait for it to hit.

Years of it.

Then I learned to use it, to tap into it, but I was hiding, not facing.

Being a singer in a band allowed me to tap into 2 very extreme emotions, and ones I knew very well- violent happiness and theatrical despair. This worked for me for years. And the more I could use them every night, the less I had to deal with them during the day, or night afterwards. Zeroes in a bunk, zeroes in the morning, drinking coffee, watching mile-markers. 

Zeroes. Years of them.

I then decided to deal with it.

I had another conversation, again with someone important to me, but this person was life-threateningly ill. They said to me one thing that was the most important.

 “Everything is temporary. When you’re happy- it’s temporary. Sad? Temporary. Job? Temporary. Bought a house? It’s only yours until you no longer need it. “

There were two ways to look at it- happy or sad. But everything was temporary.

In your worst moments, where you are staring into the blackest hole, the razor-lined mouth of a vicious, rabid animal- when you aren’t good enough, pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough- when the worst thing inside you chooses to attack- it is temporary. Likewise, when you are in those moments of pure joy, surrounded by your loved ones, high scoring skee-ball, holding your best friends hand at a concert- it is also temporary.

And that is ok. 

It is life, and living, or the closest thing to it- but more than that there is help.

I go to therapy- my doctor and I don’t use labels, because she believes that every single person is a different case. What one person has more of, another has less of.

And in the differences, we are all the same- imbalanced, and some of us need an assist. I grew up in an era that came off the tail end of damning the notion of mental treatment, so it was a dirty phrase. Unfortunately it still is today. The labels linger, the stigma exists, and all of it keeps help further away.

This is the part where I get serious and say that if you suffer from severe depression, you should seek treatment. If no one takes you seriously- find someone that will. Knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t fear a single repercussion for taking my mental health seriously and in my hands. Nothing would stop me. Not a label, or a joke- nothing.

I hope you find comfort in this. I hope you know that a lot of people, including myself, battle the beast all the time, and we win. I have finally gotten myself to a place where I no longer face the extremes, but it takes work, every week- I get up, and I make sure I am at my session- even the days where I don’t want to be there. I would imagine you’d feel the same way sometimes, and that is ok. Maybe it’s even hard for you to take the first steps- and that’s ok too.

 I know you can.

More Posts from Nene-san49 and Others

3 months ago

First Day Back

First Day Back

Working at night is very different from the day as I remember. Since I have been with my company for years I have seen the changes go from "if you don't do everything you are in trouble" to "Eh good enough". I don't get that mentality, but my manager just left me alone to do what I knew and the results spoke for themselves I think.🤔

First Day Back

Tonight should be easier since I have a rhythm back so I shouldn't be so late or so tired that I forget to eat...hopefully.😬

First Day Back

Tags
9 years ago

What I Get High On

One of my fav readers asked me what it’s like for me when I get high. I told them that I actually have never gotten high on drugs. Yes, I am not lying. What I did tell them was that I get high on the amazing comments that they and my other wonderful readers leave me. It sounds stupid, but when I am feeling down and I get a comment, it lights up my face and makes me smile. ^-^

What I Get High On
4 months ago

A Reintroduction I Guess🤔

Not sure if this is for anyone or just me but here we go.

A Reintroduction I Guess🤔

My tumblr used to be for my Bandom writing back in the day, but back in the day it was also a cess pool here so I got out when I stopped writing after my husband passed away in 2018.😓

A Reintroduction I Guess🤔

I did pick up writing again but this time it was anime which I started watching as a coping mechanism for his death and still use it till today. Sadly my writing has slowed down in the past few years, but I really do want to pick it up again. I guess I just need a bit of motivation but i can't figure out where to get it from. I digress though.😩

A Reintroduction I Guess🤔

Most of SNS is a cess pool now thanks to shitty people and politicians that think they are playing a game of LIFE for real. I just need a place where I can vent my feelings without someone judging me that I just can't delete without retaliation.🙄

A Reintroduction I Guess🤔

Not sure if this place is it but fuck it we'll give it a try. Meanwhile if anyone wants to know more about me they can check out my AniList profile. I am pretty transparent there. Also my AO3 where i write!🥰

https://anilist.co/user/DaisukeTakahiro/

https://archiveofourown.org/users/momiji_neyuki/profile

A Reintroduction I Guess🤔

Tags
2 months ago

Thursday Big Anime Wrap Up!

Thursday Big Anime Wrap Up!

I can't believe its over already! Thursday in the day all my anime started this season so it's fitting to start my wrap up on this day. Warning this will be a full on discussion on the whole season so spoilers for sure. Again I wish that there was a way to cover up spoilers here like on Anilist.😓

Thursday Big Anime Wrap Up!

Alright, here we go!😎

Akuyaku Reijou Tensei Oji-san

Thursday Big Anime Wrap Up!

I knew this was going to be a good when I started this but i had no idea it was going to so good that i wish it was a 24 ep. I was the same way for Bakarina too! While the animation was not the best, I mean that red head looked like he had a toupee on half the time honestly, it was there when it counted and that was what Grace was on screen. You for sure knew she was the main character.😅

Thursday Big Anime Wrap Up!

Was there a real story other than the fact that Grace was actually Kenzaburo, man that was the longest name I've ever encountered in any anime or manga, and his daughter is trying to finish the game he is stuck in to hopefully wake him up from his coma? No not really. if I was playing this game I think I would have dropped it honestly, especially since i don't like any of the male routes, but Grace and Anna carry this enough for me to want a second season oh and more of that ED too!😁

Thursday Big Anime Wrap Up!

Dr. STONE: SCIENCE FUTURE

Thursday Big Anime Wrap Up!

Oh my Goddess! That ending! I mean the whole season is easily is my fav out of all four now, but still going from being on the ship to get America, reinventing gambling, bar drinks, ect... AND finding out that Senku has a mentor that seriously wanted to kill him! Plus we got a some scenes with baby Senku and Taiju and Byakuya! I love that man so much! Senku survived getting shot by Stanley and now with Dr. Zeno as hostage they will have a cat and mouse chase to South America! I hate the season, but now I can't wait for summer for the second cour!😄

Thursday Big Anime Wrap Up!

Trillion Game

Thursday Big Anime Wrap Up!

This anime has been an amazing ride for me and I really wish more people had watched it. Watching Gaku and Haru go from nothing to everything without breaking laws or doing underhanded schemes was amazing. Did they...well mostly Haru stretch the truth, absolutely but it was never to the point of hurting people or each other...well for real cause for sure there were moments of um...did Haru really do that? No he didn't...not really...well you get it. Again from the beginning we know that they made it but watching it happen still made the anime amazing and worth the two season watch! Plus we are green lit for a season 2!😎

Arafou Otoko no Isekai Tsuuhan Seikatsu

Thursday Big Anime Wrap Up!

Okay so was this the best anime? No. Was it the best isekai? No. So why did I watch it? Cause I have never seen a protag get so many cheeks from so many women! Even in the last episode he got with a maid and each encounter was consensual so I have no complaints! Do I want to see another season? Yeah I would cause there is a real plot here with the spices of this country being held by one big power and it keeps the nobles in check and the commoners with nothing. I believe that Kenichi could really solve that problem the right way.😆

Momentary Lily

Thursday Big Anime Wrap Up!

I'm not sure how i felt about this anime honestly. I did enjoy the battle scenes and if it was not for watching this i would not have discovered Hanabie but other than that, I can't see this ever being a rewatch for me.😵

Fuguushoku [Kanteishi] ga Jitsu wa Saikyou Datta: Naraku de Kitaeta Saikyou no [Shingan] de Musou Suru

Thursday Big Anime Wrap Up!

i actually enjoyed this fantasy a lot. Even though Ein is super OP because of the World Tree Spirits helping him he is genuinely a likeable character and has many good intentions including not needing to kill Zoid out of revenge for leaving him to die. That takes a lot considering what Ein went through. I hope this gets a second season at some point as well cause i would love to see Ein take Jasper as his husband.😄

Thursday Big Anime Wrap Up!

Well that's it for this seasons Thursday line up! Hopefully next season is not as full on Thursday cause its a work day and D&D night and i hate waiting till after game to catch up on my anime! First world problems I know. Jaa ne!🤗


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1 month ago

Tuesday/Wednesday Anime Line Up

Tuesday/Wednesday Anime Line Up

Since I only have a few anime on each day I decided to incorporate them like Fri/Sat. I'll only separate them if I want to talk more detail about one of the anime on that day. Okay onto the first one!😊

Tuesday/Wednesday Anime Line Up

Aru Majo ga Shinu made

Tuesday/Wednesday Anime Line Up

I was on the fence about this one but the third ep pretty much cemented it and funny enough there were no tears collected at all! it was more about meeting the people that will help Meg on her journey to collect them. I think that is what made it most enjoyable. As she collects more of them I think that will help me settle in even more.😁

Tuesday/Wednesday Anime Line Up

Ballpark de Tsukamaete!

Tuesday/Wednesday Anime Line Up

Every story just gets better and better I swear! We got to meet the announcer this ep and another one of the players and I hope that is a thing. They hinted but you never know with anime.😉

Tuesday/Wednesday Anime Line Up

The other two let Reiko be a detective to try and figure out who the culprit of compliments was and the answer was even better than i had hoped! I was giggling so much at the end of the episode! So fun!🤭

Tuesday/Wednesday Anime Line Up

Kanpekisugite Kawaige ga Nai to Konyakuhakisareta Seijo wa Ringoku ni Urareru

Tuesday/Wednesday Anime Line Up

This anime is fast becoming one of my Top Five for this season! I am constantly surprised how quickly it ends and how good each episode is! I just want the next one so fast cause I just want to know what is gonna happen! I've never been on the edge of my seat for this kind of anime before that was not full of action and suspense!😆

Tuesday/Wednesday Anime Line Up

Uchuujin Muumuu

Tuesday/Wednesday Anime Line Up

Did I just learn a basic DIY electronic lesson from an anime? With perfect step by step instructions and a safe environment? Yes. Yes I did and from an anime about idiot cats trying to rebuild the tech part of their society after they got rid of all the smart cats...well they are pretending to be cats at least.🧐

Tuesday/Wednesday Anime Line Up

Saikyou no Ousama, Nidome no Jinsei wa Nani wo Suru?

Tuesday/Wednesday Anime Line Up

The ending of each episode drives me crazy because we get like 30 seconds of the next ep after the ED and it is so frustrating cause we have to wait for it to be resolved! I wish it was just a flash moment PV instead cause that is less frustrating to wait for...for some reason.🤔

Tuesday/Wednesday Anime Line Up

Your Forma

Tuesday/Wednesday Anime Line Up

This anime is starting to blow I-Robot out of the water. The Ai and how they think and behave are so mind blowing! Like they are Ai as in having to watch another human attack another human and unable to do anything cause it violates the Three Laws of Robotics or rather Respect as its called here is insane. I can understand why they are not really thought out other than from a selfish perspective.😒

Tuesday/Wednesday Anime Line Up

That's it for today! I'm looking forward to the next two days cause I have like three all together which gives me a chance to chill and watch older anime or write...hopefully.😓


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9 years ago

This was awesome! ^0^

nene-san49 - Watch Less Popular Anime. ꉂ(ˊᗜˋ*)♡
nene-san49 - Watch Less Popular Anime. ꉂ(ˊᗜˋ*)♡
nene-san49 - Watch Less Popular Anime. ꉂ(ˊᗜˋ*)♡
nene-san49 - Watch Less Popular Anime. ꉂ(ˊᗜˋ*)♡
nene-san49 - Watch Less Popular Anime. ꉂ(ˊᗜˋ*)♡
nene-san49 - Watch Less Popular Anime. ꉂ(ˊᗜˋ*)♡
nene-san49 - Watch Less Popular Anime. ꉂ(ˊᗜˋ*)♡
nene-san49 - Watch Less Popular Anime. ꉂ(ˊᗜˋ*)♡
nene-san49 - Watch Less Popular Anime. ꉂ(ˊᗜˋ*)♡
nene-san49 - Watch Less Popular Anime. ꉂ(ˊᗜˋ*)♡
nene-san49 - Watch Less Popular Anime. ꉂ(ˊᗜˋ*)♡
nene-san49 - Watch Less Popular Anime. ꉂ(ˊᗜˋ*)♡
nene-san49 - Watch Less Popular Anime. ꉂ(ˊᗜˋ*)♡
nene-san49 - Watch Less Popular Anime. ꉂ(ˊᗜˋ*)♡
nene-san49 - Watch Less Popular Anime. ꉂ(ˊᗜˋ*)♡
nene-san49 - Watch Less Popular Anime. ꉂ(ˊᗜˋ*)♡
8 years ago
✗ UPDATE: CHAPTERS 4 AND 5!!

✗ UPDATE: CHAPTERS 4 AND 5!!

× Title: Namida Kareru na (なみだ枯れるな) × Chapters: 4-5 × Artist: ANDOU Romeda × Language: FEELS × Link to read online: [ ch 1 ] [ ch 2 ] [ ch 3 ] [ chapter 4 ] [ chapter 5 ] × Download: right hurr × Note: Retranslation: qvfamma’s spanish version has already been released. other languages: TAKE IT, EAT IT, JUST CREDIT US!

Summary:  some sad shit. feelings. the usual shit.

Ω one more chapter left…….

1 month ago

Thurs/Fri Anime Line Up

Thurs/Fri Anime Line Up

it has been raining almost every day for two weeks now. We were supposed to get this shit in April, we did when I was a kid, so why a month later...but there's no Global Warming. Onto the anime.😒

Thurs/Fri Anime Line Up

Wind Breaker Season 2

Thurs/Fri Anime Line Up

Ugh my heart for the second week in a row! I honestly thought we were going to go throw hands with Tsubaki-chan but nope, we got an even better reason for their background story, although I cannot wait to see a fight too.🤭

Thurs/Fri Anime Line Up

Yes i know that is actual a girl in that anime but I didn't know how to look up the gif I wanted.😳

Yami Healer toshite Tanoshiku Ikiru

Thurs/Fri Anime Line Up

Damn Zeno! Hurting and healing at the same time after high heal of that magnitude? His mana core has gotta be insane! Also I swear to the anime Gods that is my man Sakurai Takahiro-san as the voice of the Guide but the anime is too new to find that info anywhere! If not than its Uchiyama Kouki-san cause they sound a lot alike. Ugh, being an seiyū otaku can be painful at times.😓

Thurs/Fri Anime Line Up

Kusuriya no Hitorigoto

Thurs/Fri Anime Line Up

Look at Jinshi gettin' shit done! I wonder if Maomao had not been taken if this conspiracy would have ben uncovered as fast. It sucks though that he has the same face as pedo Emperor but man that's genetics not his fault. He's waaaaay better than than piece of shit could ever be! 😤

Thurs/Fri Anime Line Up

Can we also talk about the adopted son of Lankan? Adopted or not he looks just like his daddy and acts like him too in his mannerisms. I wonder if he is seen as a chess piece or not. Lankan himself losing it finding out his daughter is gone was the best moment of the whole show.🤣

Thurs/Fri Anime Line Up

I'm working on a post about comparison again, I'll put a link to my last one in it cause I have a feeling it isn't going to be the last one i do sadly. Anyway, I'll get that up when I can cause tomorrow is Sat and we all know the anime list i have then. Mata ne Mina.😁


Tags
1 month ago

Thurs/Fri Anime Line Up

Thurs/Fri Anime Line Up

I don't know why I didn't do this in the beginning. It makes more sense since I only have three anime both day. Anyway lets get to it cause i am excited to talk about these episodes today!🤗

Thurs/Fri Anime Line Up

Wind Breaker Season 2

Thurs/Fri Anime Line Up

We finally met them! Okay okay before i get into that lets talk about Sakura letting himself be vulnerable! Like he doesn't need it at all but I want to protec that part of him!🥰

Thurs/Fri Anime Line Up

Now onto best Them! First i am a bit biased cause Ōsaka Ryota is doing their voice and he is the voice of my number one baseball idiot and sunshine boy Sawamura Eijun! One of the faces they made even looked like him! Ugh my heart!😘

Thurs/Fri Anime Line Up

Yami Healer toshite Tanoshiku Ikiru

Thurs/Fri Anime Line Up

And I called it so hard. It was as pathetic as I hoped it was and now Golden Phoenix is as tarnished as the people in it. Can we please not see them anymore...but no sadly that would not be fun cause they clearly didn't learn their lesson yet from the last scene.🙄

Thurs/Fri Anime Line Up

Kusuriya no Hitorigoto

Thurs/Fri Anime Line Up

I got a lot of mixed feelings about this episode. At least Maomao is safe and she is being treated alright but man a lot of people are gonna be punished for this one for sure! Jinshi isn't gonna let anyone be left unscathed by someone taking what's his.😤

Thurs/Fri Anime Line Up

One more day of work and then a day off to chill...meaning doing everything that I need to get done on that day off. Mata ne Mina.😊


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9 years ago

Wow, I Write A Lot

So I currently have 13 fics going. Some with other writers, some on my own. I like collabing, but i am careful because i have gotten burned quite a few times. Still i am willing to give people a try and not blame them for the last person’s screw ups. 

I also like taking requests, so let me know is you have any! ^-^

Wow, I Write A Lot
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nene-san49 - Watch Less Popular Anime. ꉂ(ˊᗜˋ*)♡
Watch Less Popular Anime. ꉂ(ˊᗜˋ*)♡

Originally a bandom blog turned anime with still a few old posts here and there. Lover of obscure anime and writer of Daiya no Ace fan fiction. (・ิω・ิ)ノ

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