I’m Surprised Malam Has Any Time To Slumber Considering The Child Mortality Rate Of The Middle Ages.

“Surely you can’t expect me to climb a 30ft pole and take the already loose eye out of a dead man’s skull!” -the guy who scaled a vertical shaft dozens of feet tall, shimmied around the exterior of the nth floor of a mansion on a cliff during a storm, has survived an elevator drop from inside a hotel to the bottom of a massive underground cavern, stumbling into an eldritch meat pit in the bowels of another world, and being thrown down a mineshaft, and has killed “I don’t know, seven?” people, two of which by shoving his thumbs through their eyeballs.

Y’all will do fuck all for Yorick smh.

i thought something like this might be neat bc it takes place in the 1930s n all :]

rbs are appreciated

SHUT UP SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Favorite characters merged. New more powerful favorite character created.

“…who?”

GOT ‘IM. ABSOLUTELY DESTROYED.

Old favorite character divorced, new favorite character acquired.

okay the thing is Kayne literally speaks abt the fucking patrons and i picked this up last night and it’s been driving me mad bc he. He Is Talking About Us.

Well, us as in the patreon users but ykwim

Ep 20, when they’re talking about Destiny and Choices and blah blah blah, This is what Kayne says

“Nooo nononono its not your choice, or his choice”

and then he says a bit later

“okay it’s not a choice, it’s fate, it’s allll predestined”

what he’s Saying is, it IS a choice, but not for Arthur and John. It IS a choice, for the patrons, but it’s fate for Arthur and John. So talking to them, really, it’s not a choice, for them it is destiny.

There’s also another one that MIGHT be a stretch ?? but idk. This is in Coda

“and there’s nothing in it for me ? yknow, someone outta tell them that coins don’t land on their sides, your friends SUCK at following the rules”

Idk I kinda think the “friends” are the Patrons, and not following the rules could be. the ties in votes, which i think people said gives John another limb ? or could even be the patrons getting Arthur killed with their choices, and he still gets back up.

I only drew this conclusion bc Arthur doesn’t have friends so this is the last thing i could think of.

ANYWAY Kayne knows the patrons exist this motherfucker does the office stare of podcasts and it’s great

The Larson kids, few months before all goes to hell.

canon: the very first thing John did upon gaining control of Arthur's hand was strangle someone to death with it

fandom: with this power they can... no I daren't say it... oh but I must... they can hold hands 😳🤝😳

Malevolent 26 dropped 3 days early baybeeeeee

Stoathur.

i have nothing else to say, and nothing in my defense. Arthur as a stoat. or weasel? i don't know at this point.

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[ID: A digital illustration of Arthur Lester, as an anthropomorphized stoat. His fur is scraggly and unkempt, most of his fur a rich brown while the fur of his chin and his throat is a light tan. His suit is a darker shade of brown than his fur, and his shirt, tie, and pocket square are off-white. He wears a pair of glasses. The expression on his face is tired as he stares at the viewer, his eyes a glowing yellow. /end ID]

Arthur and John BFFs forever!

Unfortunately I don’t have it written down. I figured it out by ear from mr guthrie’s bandcamp: https://malevolentcast.bandcamp.com/track/faroes-song-piano-only

(Is this how one replies to a reblog? I don’t know how tumblr works lmao)

Ah yes, the brainrot is developing nicely