Latest Posts by muahahahahah - Page 4

Adhd things that need to be talked more about (because adhd is more than just not being able to focus)

Short term memory loss. Seriously, I forget things that are said to me 5 minutes ago or will forget I opened a soda and will have 3 open cans by the end of the day with none of them finished. A lot of people don’t know about this, and so they think that I don’t care enough to listen to what their saying (which I do!!! I just can’t remember it) or that I’m lazy because of all the things I don’t end up doing because I forgot I had to do them.

Lack of motivation. Listen, I honestly can’t do anything on my own for the most part. I have to have someone else tell me to do something or have them set goals for me because it’s so damn difficult for me to do it myself. Again, I’m not lazy, I just have trouble doing things on my own

Language processing difficulties. Sometimes, English and words in general don’t work out in my head. Reading or even listening to someone talk can be extremely difficult for me to understand because my brain just won’t work. Why? Can’t tell you 99% of the time! It’s not that I need to focus, it’s that my brain is just buffering.

Needing multiple forms of stimulation at all times. I have a tin of putty that I keep in my book bag and a smaller one I keep in my purse at all times because of this reason. If I want to learn anything at school, I have to be able to look at something, hear something, and have something to do with my hands. Otherwise, it’s probably a big nope for me. What’s frustrating is that since this isn’t talked about enough, I often get called childish or get looked down upon because I have to play with silly putty in a highschool class.

Hyperfixation. Adhd can mean not being able to focus, but it’s also focusing too much on something! This can mean anything from a certain interest someone is in to at that moment, to something like a song that has been stuck in your head for a week. People seem to not understand this and think that we’re boring and have nothing else to talk about or that we’re annoying because we keep bringing the same things up over and over again but that’s not the case. Trust me, I’m annoyed with the hit or miss song too, but at least it’s not playing in your head constantly like it is for me

These are all the ones I can think of right now, but it’s really important we talk about this stuff more. All of these things that come with adhd can be very frustrating for those around us because they don’t understand that we can’t help it. To an outsider, it may just look like a person with adhd is just lazy and doesn’t care, when it’s actually just how our brains are wired. None of us want to be frustrating to others!! In fact, all of this frustrates us too!! But since adhd is just known as “not being able to focus”, people don’t realize what all comes with it and how it can really fuck everyone over.

Please add more if you can think of anything else!! I’m horrible with lists lol

If you don’t have means to a therapist or mental health professional

Check out therapistaid.com. There’s worksheets there that you can download for free.

Of course it would be a lot more beneficial if you have a therapist to help you through it but not everyone has access to one.

It’s a free site where you can have free downloads of worksheets on many things.

If there’s something there that you think would be helpful, print it out and complete the worksheet on your own.

It’s hard to be accountable for yourself but at least there’s a way for you to have some insight and work on yourself.

The present study examined the utility of meaning to differentiate between depression and grief in a sample of suicide survivors (N = 555). Three regression models were tested, each with a different measure of meaning predicting depression and grief. Across three models, meaning was negatively associated with depression but positively associated with grief. Additionally, grief and depression were negatively correlated across all models. Results support a conceptual distinction between grief and depression, with the presence or absence of meaning in life as a key distinguishing factor between the two in a population with a relatively high risk for pathological grieving.

I hate feeling sick. Let’s all never feel sick again!!!!

I went to my med student friend’s house today and I just had to take a look at all the lovely books! (and do the tired “they made a book about the show! joke, of course).

Anatomy books are just the prettiest!

HhehhahahahrhhehehehhhagahaggaggggaGgahhHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

You almost had me.

You almost made me think you didn’t blame me for everything.

I almost started blaming myself again for everything.

I have so much to be guilty for, don’t I?

Hhehhehhheh silly silly silly funny joooookke

... Pls cute girls and boys... Tag your cuteness right with #cute rather than #cut...

A Real Narrative of Borderline

Warning: Triggering, perhaps, to some. A bit of a narrative I wrote recently to help people understand what it can be like living with a disorder that is often signified as ‘bad’. 

________________________________________

Sometimes I’m scared of myself, because of my disorder. People say ‘commitment’ and I curl in on myself and feel my heart constrict tightly in my chest. Commitment.

“Commitment? There’s no such thing as commitment when you have borderline, it’s even harder when you have antisocial.”

And no, it’s not because I get a need to dump a friend for someone more exciting that snorts cocaine and gets high every minute, nor need to have a quick fling whilst in a relationship. No, it’s because commitment means committing to me, a monster, and in turn, this monster needs to learn to commit to them lest it makes their lives miserable. It means 24/7, 100% effort that you, as nothing but a human, don’t have the mental capacity for.

When it comes to borderline, it’s safe to say I hate it. Everything triggers it, every word, every emotion I don’t understand. I can’t handle anything ‘normally’ and every feeling is exaggerated so much my head feels like it will explode- sometimes, I wish I had a gun so that I could actually make it do so. Then the ‘pressure’ would leave my head.

“I like you.”

Makes me happy, yet I don’t return the sentiment. Am I meant to like you back? I don’t even know if I can feel love. Once upon a time I ignored that statement and went for it, now it’s ingrained in me to go ‘that isn’t fair on them,’ and leave.

“I’m okay if you don’t feel the same.”

Makes me happy, yet I know that it will lead down a dark path. When hasn’t it? When has my borderline been on my side? It hasn’t. It’s no one’s fault, but its fault. It can’t handle emotion and doesn’t know what to do with it besides release it in a fit of rage. It’s 0 or 100, no in-between. For me that is punching a wall, or, on a bad day, playing with fire.

“Break up.”

Is like a double-whammy. It’s soul-crushing because you feel betrayed, even if you don’t really feel betrayed. It’s also a sigh of relief, ‘I don’t need to hurt them anymore. And thus, I will no longer be hurt.’ Some of us don’t’ want to be monsters, in fact, I daresay with borderline, the idea of being monsters tortures us endlessly. There’s this notion that being alone is better, and I think the longer you live with borderline, the more you realize loneliness is the best way to cope with it. You have nothing but you and your dreams and little room to hurt and hurt others, there’s no real people involved – real people you care about.

Friends leave. They don’t stick around except a few really good ones, who are able to see your hate and look past it. Relationships? Forget about them. The minute you make a friend, you start to get attached, and god help you if you like them. If you like them and think they’re cool, or epic, then that’s it. You’re doomed.

So are they.

You don’t want to hurt them, you’re a monster inside, but no matter how you go about it, you will. They like you: so you can swallow that anxiety that the future will fall apart and that you don’t want to lose a friend or cool person who you’re attached to, and you’ll give them what you want. Or: you shatter them and lose a friend anyways. Either way, your friend is gone. The person you cared about is out of the picture. One involves ignoring that you feel like a shithead, the other involves being a shithead, but it may work out better for them later. There’s no winning in borderline. Only losing. Only hurting people. And it’s never them that’s wrong– oh no. It’s always you. And no matter how much you deny it, you’re very aware of it.

So when people ask me what borderline is like I skirt the edges of truth because I know it’s ugly. It’s an ugly disorder, and very few except two people in my life get it. The one person seemed to understand the practicality of emotions, but not nearly as loyal a friend as the other and ended up following his own dubious impulses. I forgave it quickly, because I, although borderline and not antisocial, knew having impulsive behavior was tricky to get rid of – I still find myself punching the wall, or walking along a river at night. The other, a longstanding friend, gets it on a level unlike any other:

1.       The anger: mostly at yourself, and when you’re angry you get so angry you want to blow a hole in the wall, then in your head.

2.       The loyalty: loyal to a fault, so loyal you’d rather suffer and crawl through the dirt for someone than have them abandon you because you like them. That’s the problem, you care too much and feel emotions too much. But at the same time…

3.       Emotionless: that disassociation, where you feel nothing sometimes for days on end, where eventually you become so good at acting you don’t even know what real emotions are. Underneath it all, you care so deeply, but you don’t know why. ‘Why do I care?’ will have your brain feeling like it’s crushed because the question is beyond your comprehension.

“They baffle me,” is how he’d put it, “People ask me what I’m feeling, and I can’t answer. We don’t feel, or we feel too much.”

And then there’s the self-hate.

“Self-hate,” he’d say, “Is what gets us Cluster B’s. On the one hand, this personality is a part of us, it’s who we are…but we see others happy, falling in love, we see them get hurt by some action we did that we don’t get, and we realize …that will never be us. We will never be the good ones because even if we learn to behave properly and act good, in our head, we’re bad news. In my head, I still think ‘I want to punch you in the face.’ It makes you hate yourself when you’re aware you’re bad news, and especially so when you can control it. Then people don’t believe you anymore.”

We all hear the familiar words and phrases from loved ones. Many deny it – what, after all, even is borderline? Or antisocial? Narcissism? Stories and tales that depict the evil characters in books! Plot devices! Consider those as well, who don’t understand it: how can you not feel? Are you insane?

I am insane, at least I feel I am insane. But I still feel that twinge inside, that hurt when you call me as such. You’re side-lining me, making me an outcast for something I have no control over. I didn’t choose this.

Then there’s those who think they’re helping. These phrases vary from “It won’t hurt me if you tell me” to “That’s a bit selfish,” “Hah! That’s a funny thing you said there!” and “That’s evil!”

It is selfish, isn’t it? Imagine being called selfish. Or evil. Or having others find you amusing for your savagery, and the fact that you beat up a guy who looked at you funny.

Imagine being called a word that is immediately connotated with ‘bad’. Imagine being essentially called a bad person for something you can maybe control behaviourally, but can’t erase.

Eventually, you want to give up, run away, and let loose. ‘I’ll cut my hair, get 10 tattoos and have that crazy orgy I never had whilst getting high on cocaine. Because I’m bad anyways, and no one seems to care.’

Having this disorder sometimes feels like a sentence. A very misunderstood sentence that I’m being punished for.

The worst is…

You feel like you deserve it.

If you don’t have means to a therapist or mental health professional

Check out therapistaid.com. There’s worksheets there that you can download for free.

Of course it would be a lot more beneficial if you have a therapist to help you through it but not everyone has access to one.

It’s a free site where you can have free downloads of worksheets on many things.

If there’s something there that you think would be helpful, print it out and complete the worksheet on your own.

It’s hard to be accountable for yourself but at least there’s a way for you to have some insight and work on yourself.

Wow just realized how hot and how much i like hearing the sound of 'Yes?' as an answer to name-calling which comes with the speakers' secretly proud of something and knowing that thing is none of his/her/its/their business. Fking hilarious.

- Hello, good morning! How did you sleep?

- Oh, hi! I didn't sleep!

💖

yo if anyone’s interested in psychology:

here’s a free copy of the DSM V! it’s p expensive and if you’re anything like me, it can be easier to read from a computer screen instead of a book. i also have a physical copy but even then it’s rly helpful to have a quick ref if i’m doing research on my laptop.

enjoy! :)

Typing Tutorials With Different Keyboards

After switching from the Russian phonetic to the regular Russian keyboard, I’ve had to learn to type all over again. I did some Googling and found https://sense-lang.org/typing/. It’s a website that teaches typing, but the coolest part is they have a bunch of different languages available. Change the language from the drop down menu here:

Then click the icon that has the hand with the coloured dots (it should say “lesson” next to it in your target language).

It will take you to a dozen lessons or so to practice typing!

Once I clicked on the first lesson, it took a while to load — I thought maybe I had done something wrong. Just be patient and it will start up.

Hope that was helpful!

Marvel Preview: Star Wars: Lando – Double Or Nothing #1

Before his days in the Rebellion, before he ran Cloud City, even before he lost the Millenium Falcon, comes this tale.

Star Wars: Lando – Double Or Nothing #1 Written by Rodney Barnes Art by Paolo Villanelli Color by: Andres Mossa Cover by W. Scott Forbes Release Date: May 30, 2018

The rest of the preview is found on the AiPT site.

This scene really struck me, and ever since I saw the movie I’ve been trying to figure out why.

And now that I’ve had a while to think on it, I believe I know.

Here we have Wanda:

Wanda, who has just shown herself to be incredibly, dangerously powerful, to the point that she not only destroyed an infinity stone single-handed (a feat that was supposed to be impossible) but also managed to hold off Thanos and his entire array of infinity stones at the same time.

Wanda, who has just been forced to watch yet another person she deeply loves get slaughtered in front of her - this time by her own hand, for the sake of the universe - and who has at this point simply given up on her will to live.

And then we have Thanos:

Thanos, who has just seen firsthand the power of someone who could potentially take him out (and, if it weren’t for the time stone, would have succeeded) whether he holds five infinity stones or not.

Thanos, who has just watched her make the ultimate sacrifice to keep him from succeeding, and in doing so has proven to him that she will do anything to stop him.

Thanos, who has just had what was supposed to be an easy victory suddenly snatched from his hands by the exhausted girl on the ground in front of him - a girl who is a fraction of his size and laughably weaker than him physically. (He was throwing Cap and Thor and Hulk around like they were nothing.)

And right now, they’re the only two left standing.

Wanda just waits there, lying in the dirt, for him to kill her.

She doesn’t fight, or shield herself, or try to run when Thanos starts walking toward her. She has nobody to step in and save her, because everyone else is trapped or unconscious.

Wanda doesn’t even try to get up.

She doesn’t want to live anymore. She has nothing to live for.

She wants to die, and at this point is more than willing to let Thanos be the one to strike that blow.

Even when he physically puts his hand on her head, all she does is flinch.

Thanos, on the other hand, is unscathed.

He’s standing - towering - over the one person who poses an actual, legitimate threat to him. She’s down for the count, hurt and exhausted and with no will to live, waiting for him to finish the fight.

He’s got her at her absolute most vulnerable, and probably the most vulnerable he will EVER have her - this chance isn’t going to come again.

But he doesn’t kill her.

He reaches down, gently strokes her hair, and walks past her to finish what he came here to do.

Even when he brings Vision back and she stands to fight him once more, he still doesn’t kill her.

He strikes her away, and does so gently enough that she manages to recover and crawl over to Vision’s side before she’s taken by the stone.

Given every opportunity and every reason to end her, he doesn’t do it.

Why?

Now it could be argued that Thanos figured there was no point in wasting the effort because he was going to wipe half of all life from the universe as soon as he got the last stone anyway, but as it was mentioned earlier in the film - the selection of who died would be random.

The stone would not pick and choose - it would take rich and poor, passionate and dispassionate, strong and weak, etc. - completely at random.

There was no guarantee that Wanda would be among those that were taken.

So knowing that she is a legitimate threat to him, and that there’s a 50/50 shot of her surviving that final finger snap…

Why would he let her live?

The second thing that strikes me is how gentle he is.

We’ve seen him order half of a world’s population slaughtered for the sake of his goal.

We’ve seen him torture multiple characters without batting an eye.

We’ve seen him crush skulls and snap necks with his bare hands.

But we’ve also seen this.

And this.

And again, the clip with Wanda.

Thanos has instances where he is incredibly gentle.

And it’s honestly a bit unsettling to watch.

He’s so convinced of the true morality of his own objective - so blinded by the end goal - that the means to reach it no longer matter.

Thanos believes himself to be good and kind, and that he is simply making the tough call that nobody else was strong enough to make for the good of the universe in centuries to come.

He’s culling the herd so the rest don’t starve.

Now I’ve seen the comparison made a few times to seeing pictures of Hitler playing with children (and I’ll admit that’s what came to mind for me as well) - it’s disturbing because we don’t want to humanize someone who has committed genocide, and sympathizing is exactly what our brain tries to do when we see someone being gentle and kind to another creature.

We see Thanos not only being kind to a young Gamora, but being surprisingly good at it, and our brains sort of short circuit for a second because we think that he’s not supposed to be CAPABLE of that.

And yet somehow, to an extent, he is.

Hell, even when he’s about to kill half the universe, he doesn’t cause death wantonly.

He traps Bruce in the cliff, but lets him live.

He catches T’Challa by his throat and punches him into the ground but doesn’t break his neck. 

He shorts out Sam’s wings to drop him out of the sky but doesn’t finish him off.

He destroys the suit around Rhody, but doesn’t crush him.

He throws Bucky aside but doesn’t kill him.

He tosses Okoye aside but doesn’t kill her.

He pins Natasha with a bunch of rocks, but doesn’t crush her.

He rips Groot’s vines away but doesn’t go after him.

He punches Steve out, but doesn’t continue once he’s down.

Hell, when Thanos goes after Wanda his gauntlet lights up blue with the teleportation power of the tesseract. He’s planning to move her - not fight her.

And even when that fails, he doesn’t grant Wanda’s silent wish for death.

He lets her live.

Thanos is not crazed, or high off his own power, or running on blood lust - he’s doing what he thinks is truly the right thing, and going about accomplishing it in a cold and calculated manner. When he’s not trying to accomplish his goal, he acts in a way that might even be described as good.

I believe that Thanos is truly Lawful Evil.

And that’s what makes him so scary.

Psychology & Handwriting Analysis: Size

Aristotle spoke of dividing man into three aspects: the mind, the body, and the spirit: “Speech is the expression of ideas or thoughts or desires. Handwriting is the visible form of speech. Just as speech can have inflections of emotions, somewhere in handwriting is an expression of the emotions underlying the writer’s thoughts, ideas, or desires.”

Meaning: The size of the writing reveals whether a person is feeling socially extroverted or introverted. It also reveals your capacity for concentration.

Note: Sometimes your size changes, look at the definitions that describe your mood.

1. Overly Large Handwriting:

This person demands to be seen & heard

This writer overdoes (exaggerates) the size in compensation for an inner feeling of smallness and/or unimportance

Obsession with attention & will go to great lengths to obtain it

Displays obsessive tendencies by writing huge letters (to call attention on himself)

Keep reading

10 Interesting Psychology Facts

1. Cognitive Dissonance - the idea that when we hold two conflicting thoughts or beliefs, we unconsciously adjust to make one fit with the other. My social psychology professor gave an example of a student who values studying all the time, but slacks off when it comes to their favorite television show. So the student tells herself that watching the television helps her study later when it really doesn’t. However, telling herself that helped her eased the anxiety.

2. Hallucinations are common - one third of people report experiencing hallucination at some point in time. Similarly, normal people often have paranoid thoughts. So when was the last time you hallucinated?

3. The Placebo effect - this is when you think that something like a drug has an effect on you when really it doesn’t. It’s your thoughts that actually resulted in you getting better.

Keep reading

I should have killed myself~

When👏can👏I👏die?