When👏can👏I👏die?

Nouveau recueil d’osteologie et de myologie (1779 - Engraving) - Jacques Gamelin

I hate feeling sick. Let’s all never feel sick again!!!!

The Narcissist: A Fractured Hall of Mirrors

The narcissist is a child masquerading as an adult. At a young age, they stop developing and start maladapting. They adopt facets of society, culture, and loved ones as a basis for their identity. They take note of what attracts adoration, support, and positive attention. They add those traits into a better version of themselves. Eventually, their paper-thin facade is convincing enough. They seem to be charming, generous, friendly, loving, desirable but will manufacture opportunities that create an air of importance for themselves. No matter how well presented, these qualities are not genuine and merely projections that cover a bottomless need for validation and an endless search for security. 

FMRI scans irrefutably show there is a lack of cognitive function in the cerebral cortex of the narcissist. There is an inability to model concepts competently. If you catch one copying ideas more complex than their understanding, it will show. They may deviate by trying to sound technical on a more familiar subject to compensate.

There is also a failure to deeply simulate other people’s experiences. They will always snag someone though and appear to be empathic. The other is usually below the narcissist’s experience level or is unwittingly having their own desires played like a tune so they do not see things as they are. Don’t be fooled by a well-practiced face. It is a surface act. “I’ve been there, so I know you.” Anyone who has overcome actual trauma beyond the human drama will see through this. It will leave an awkward taste in the mouth, like fake, sugary icing from a store-bought cake.

The narcissist also has an undeniable need to be right. Being “right” can appear as downright obstinance or it can look like, “I have grown, so now this is how I do things.” What they aren’t saying: My example is the right example. My thoughts are a better perspective. They will haphazardly insert statements that fly in the face of things previously said, trying to dissolve the perception they are presenting a better way, their way, even when the end goal is to sell something!

They will try to manipulate the victim by triggering fears and insecurities in a passive, casual, and even friendly manner. They distract with smoke and mirrors by pretending to bolster the weak self-esteem of their victims. Seeing this can be especially helpful when dealing with a more compelling classic narcissist or a hidden narcissist that is probably unaware of their behavior. Don’t buy the BS. It is not worth the money, time, or commitment. They make promises that claim little effort for a short-term gain, then turn around and tell you to put in the work.

Watch out for repetitive, circular thinking while quickly jumping from one idea to the next without coherency or clear transition. We all live in the age of distraction and many of us show to some extent circular thinking, but the flighty narcissist will seem like they have a peculiar kind of dementia. It is even more extreme. They are just sadly confused about what they should latch onto in their desperate attempt to appeal to others. They will run with anything that uplifts and reaffirms the shaky ground their identity stands on.

If the narcissist believes their idea of self is affronted or challenged (even if one has done nothing at all) they will obsessively fixate on that person. The fixation can be as strong as the obsession with perfecting their image. They will do this by stalking, mimicking, or finding ways to oppose the insubstantial pieces they can target. They may even incomprehensibly try to both copy and insult the assumed offender simultaneously.

One must resist the urge to engage with or react to the tactics of both the classic and covert narcissists. If one falls prey, then they have succeeded, for they can play the victim, the innocent, or the hypersensitive sweetheart who understandably had a bad moment. Don’t feed their ego. Be aware of the poor fools who are wrapped around their fingers, ready to fight their battles. The takeaway: Stay away.

The most dangerous truth a narcissist can never personally accept is that they are a fractured mirror. They will mirror whatever reflects best, no matter how distorted. Every story they spin to convince themselves that isn’t so only further pushes them away from integration. Everything they uphold about being authentic, they will tragically tell themselves over and over until the bitter end. 

These lost souls will always be compelled to defend, will always be fine-tuning a flawless persona, one they think is beyond reproach. Yet they continue to yearn for an unattainable assurance they are someone, that they are real. As long as the narcissist personality exists the individual will never know the depths below.

i know you can’t stand me just tell me already

Marvel Preview: Star Wars: Lando – Double Or Nothing #1

Before his days in the Rebellion, before he ran Cloud City, even before he lost the Millenium Falcon, comes this tale.

Star Wars: Lando – Double Or Nothing #1 Written by Rodney Barnes Art by Paolo Villanelli Color by: Andres Mossa Cover by W. Scott Forbes Release Date: May 30, 2018

The rest of the preview is found on the AiPT site.

Rest in peace, Billy Drago (1945-2019) 

Thank you for bringing the biggest, baddest villain, the Demon of Fear (and Hope), to life for Charmed fans. 

When a new cafe opens on the high street, Yuki’s constant fears and worries finally catch up with her – will Beniko remain by her side, or is her role as the authoress’ muse finally over?

Read/DL at the Google Drive link above!

Neuroscience of BPD

Lately I’ve been hearing that BPD isn’t a real mental illness because nothing is actually wrong with our brains and so, naturally, that means we’re using BPD as an excuse for our mood instability and impulsive behavior.

Guess what, naysayers? You were COMPLETELY right and totally called us out on our nefarious scheme!! We did, in fact, all convene at a super secret BPD convention of sorts and plotted to infiltrate the psychiatric field.

Haha, no. With the help of alix660 and porcelaindissonance I’ve learned a lot about the neuroscience behind BPD. And, while much more needs to be done in terms of BPD research, I did find strong evidence that BPD does have biological causes. You know. Just like an actual mental illness.

So here’s what we found, sorted by brain structure:

Amygdala: This brain structure is very heavily involved in emotional regulation and responses, particularly negative emotions. An fMRI study of BPD patients while being subjective to distressing visual stimuli found that our amydalas were significantly more reactive than those of control patients. This means that either the signals in our amgydalas are much more intense, or they continuing firing in our brains, preventing us from shutting down our emotional responses. Or perhaps it’s both, because that’s fun.

Another thing to note is that the amygdala receives tons of visual information, sent by the thalamus. The thalamus circumvents emotional processing in the prefrontal cortex (where we would consciously process how to regulate our emotions) and thus is involved in automatic, subconscious emotional processing. This is probably why our mood swings are so fast, unpredictable, and uncontrollable. It’s a knee-jerk reaction to even the tiniest triggers we come across.  (Herpetz, et al.)

Amygdala volume is significantly reduced in BPD patients as well. (van Elst, et al.)

Hippocampus: This structure is involved in formation and retention of long-term memories, as well as autobiographical memories. Not only is hippocampal volume reduced in PTSD and MDD, it is also reduced in BPD. (van Elst, et al.)

I know from my studies that the reason for hippocampal volume reduction in PTSD and MDD comes from prolonged activation of the stress response. When we go into “fight or flight” mode, several physiological changes take place: our immune system shuts down, digestion stops, etc. But most importantly, when we enter “fight or flight,” glucose, which is necessary for cell metabolism, is redirected from the hippocampus and to your muscles. If you’re faced by a life-challenging thing, like a pack of velociraptors, you don’t want to think about it. You want to run, and you want to run fast. This is biologically adaptive in the short-term and in prey species… but not so with humans, because we can have this reaction to long-term, non-threatening stressors. So in long-term distress—like MDD, PTSD, and BPD—our hippocampus is starved of energy and atrophies. Result? We have absolutely terrible memory.

Prefrontal cortex: This is where we do our conscious thinking. More specifically, the medial prefrontal cortex, which is involved in processing emotional memories, is more active in the BPD brain. Essentially, this means we have difficulty mediating our conscious emotional responses.

In the ventrolateral prefrontal cortex, BPD brains also show abnormally high reactivity to aversive stimuli. This part of the cortex directly connects to our good friend the amygdala, and thus has some level of control over emotion-driven responses. (Herpetz, et al.)

In the anterior cingulate cortex, which is involved in feelings of apathy and emptiness, we see a significant reduction in volume in the BPD brain. The ACC is linked to self-harm and pain sensation. (van Elst, et al.)

In the orbitofrontal cortex, we also see volume reduction in BPD. The OFC is responsible for irritability, impulsivity, and instability, which are our favorite things.

Fusiform gyrus: Found in the temporal lobe, the fusiform gyrus is the facial recognition center of the brain. And—you guessed it—it’s also shown to be hyperactive in the BPD brain. Which makes sense when you think about it: we are EXTREMELY sensitive to even the slightest changes in the facial expressions of other people. If you appear disinterested, annoyed, angry, or otherwise upset, that’s an immediate trigger. (Herpetz, et al.)

Taken together, this means that the limbic circuits (emotional regulation) and the prefrontal cortex (executive control) are uniquely involved in BPD, resulting in a hyperarousal-dyscontrol syndrome. As of right now, no other psychiatric illness has this combination of reduced brain structure volumes and hyperactivity in certain regions. (van Elst, et al.)

Bonus!!!

Serotonin: Most of us know serotonin as a crucial neurotransmitter involved in major depressive disorder. But in BPD, studies show that reduced serotonin activity is found in several locations in the brain, including the cingulate cortex, which is critical in processing incoming emotional cues. Reduced serotonin impairs inhibition of aggressive behaviors, both directed at others (like outbursts) and directed at the self (like self-harm and self-hatred). Genes involved in serotonin can easily be studied. (Skodol, et al.)

Sources:

Skodol, et al. “The Borderline Diagnosis II: Biology, Genetics, and Clinical Course”

Herpetz, et al. “Evidence of Abnormal Amygdala Functioning in Borderline Personality Disorder: A Functional MRI Study”

van Elst, et al. “Frontolimbic Brain Abnormalities in Patients with Borderline Personality Disorder: A Volumetric Magnetic Resonance Imaging Study”

PS I did read several other articles that corroborated these findings, so it’s not like these are the only sources of evidence I found that point to the biological nature of BPD.