To Whomever It May Be Relevant;

soup

hello !!! angelkin here who’s recently been reawoken to this part of me. in most ways i feel like i was some sort of eyeless, formless sort of humanoid. like a being composed of light, almost like the very rough sketch of a figure in an oil painting, lines and all. i also know in heaven i had very large wings that could wrap around two different beings at the same time! though they were severed when i fell to earth. sorry for the rambling !

Oooooo your being sounded so majestic!! And cool!! (And a little bit terrifying but I mean that lovingly)

That wingspan!! Damn! I'm jealous 👀 I remember my wings being pretty small most of the time or not there at all until I shifted them (bonus of being a demon was formshifting/shapeshifting).

I'm sorry you no longer have your wings at the moment.

I'm delighted that you rambled to me, and I will absolutely draw you!

Demon Of Pain - Day... ?

I had an odd experience yesterday.

I helped my sister move into her new apartment. 2-3 hours hours in and my body started flaring up (well, I had already needed to submerge my hands in very hot water to get them to hurt less and be less stiff twice. But this time it was my back and the rest of my body.)

So I biked home, parked my (public) bike. I had to walk 2-3 blocks. The entire way there I was hit urges to claw at the pain in my back by my shoulder blades, and couldnt stop doing it. Or to press my hands on the muscles, hard. When trying not to claw at it, I'd stim very obviously with my hand(s). This might sound rude, but I felt like ppl looked at me and saw an addict on a bad trip.

I was breathing weird, through clenched teeth in a permanent open-mouthed grimace. Sounded a bit almost darth vader-y. I'd bare my teeth, but there was nothing to bare my teeth at. I'd snarl at nothing. Start to hiss and then try to stop cause I was still in public. Kept having the words "fuck off" repeat over and over in my head. I dont even know how to describe what I was feeling emotionally. It felt. Barely lucid? But at the same time very aware. Like my brain was getting blinded by the light of my pain.

As I kept walking I kept doing these more. Not cause I wanted to. I just couldn't stop.

I got home and prepared a hot shower—by the time I was in the bathroom I had started repeatedly hissing "fuck off" repeatedly out loud.

Eventually it all stopped in the shower.

I know it was all just cause I was overwhelmed with the pain, but it honestly felt like I was having a fucking fit. It was horrible.

Ended up doodling it a bit in my journal and remembered a really old piece of art similar to what I drew.

Demon Of Pain - Day 1

Going thru withdrawal again. Day 1 without seroquel (a sedative). Wish my sanity luck cause my insomnia came back with a vengeance.

Drew this when I got off of effexor almost a year ago.

My fibromyalgia is a bitch to deal with when it comes to withdrawal. Last time I was often bed bound for a month and then after gradually got my strength back while dealing with less withdrawal symptoms, and at the time I felt like I had lost my sanity. That my mind had fractured from the pain.

It's taken months and therapy to get where I am now. I'm stronger for it. I know I can make it through this, and I know what to do when I get overwhelmed now.

Still. Not looking forward to the upcoming breakdowns.

I'll most likely be posting a lot to the void on this account during this time btw, cause thats what I did last time (on a different site that my family follows so fuck that this time around). It helps for some reason.

Welcome to the Demon of Pain series where you'll be following this demon in its natural habitat... pain 😌

man I just wanna feel rested

"DrOwn yoURself IN the sound of wHIte noise"

You ever hear a song that makes you feel like someone has been secretly attending your psychiatrist appointments?

I kind of enjoy being human in this life as well! Just, yeah. Not psyched about being in human society.

But the sensations and experiences I have in this life, I treasure. The feeling of a hot shower on my skin--I didn't have that before, for example. And isn't that quite wonderful? I had always been curious about humans and their lives that I visited in dreams.

I'm excited to rejoin the divine when my energy leaves this vessel, but for now I'll honor being a human by doing these things I haven't yet gotten to.

Being in a human body can suck, but for me, that's mostly cause it traps me in human society

I actually quite enjoy my human body as is, and wanted to make a post about it cause I think it's important to spread positivity about our physical attributes!

One thing I think is really cool about humans is for how long they can run. They may not be the fastest, but a trained human's stamina is basically never ending, and they wear their prey down due to it, almost like a hyena. Something also quite hyena-esk is how absurdly strong the human jaw is relative to body size. In a fight, a human can rip someone else's throat out rather easily. And our teeth tear through flesh and break through bones!

A human bite is also incredibly dangerous due to how many bacteria we have in our mouths.

Humans can digest a TON of stuff!! They eat almost everything they come across, which is really cool in my opinion...

Then there's human hands. An absolute masterpiece of evolution. Almost no other animalscan grab things like a primate does! And I don't just mean picking stuff up. Go to your kitchen and get a glass, some cutlery, maybe a bowl... And just be amazed by how your fingers wrap around the tools, how you can hold all those things with just one limb.

Isn't that so amazing?

Humans are also excellent climbers. You may feel like you're slow on top of trees when compared to squirrels or other monkeys, but look at all the other species! You are one of the beings BEST equipped on the entire planet when it comes to climbing!

Our shoulder's joints differ from most other species', and allow us to hang from branches, swinging back and fourth easily. That's so cool....

I guess what I'm trying to say is... There's lots of cool stuff you can do in a human body.

If you're physically a human it doesn't make you any less cool.

Biologically you're literally an extremely intelligent ape that hunts its prey down in packs until it just collapses, with incredibly dangerous jaws, never-ending stamina, a really strong sense of smell, and overall one of the most adaptable beings on the entire planet.

Many species didn't make it through the ice age. But homo sapiens did.

You're badass

Demon Of Pain - Night 3

My legs ache so badly i can't sleep. My back isn't much better. Took melatonin earlier and i think i fell asleep for a little bit but now im awake again and no matter how tired I am I just. Cant sleep thru the pain. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts! FUCK fibromyalgia and withdrawal

guys pls im nice i promise (<- literally a demon)