Post Exam Numbness And Dissociation… 🫠

at some point I wanted this right

I wanted to be a doctor

right?

“I treat myself like I would my daughter. I brush her hair, wash her laundry, tuck her in goodnight. Most importantly, I feed her. I do not punish her. I do not berate her, leave tears staining her face. I do not leave her alone. I know she deserves more. I know I deserve more.”

— Michelle K., I Know I Deserve More. (via sadlittlewords)

Your self concept creates you. Your self concept creates your life. Your self concept determines the quality of your reality. The dominant beliefs about yourself and your life are the foundation of your reality. The external reality is the reflection of what’s going on in your internal world. It’s a mirror. 

If you want to change something in your reality, you don't change a reflection. You change yourself, your inner world, the world of your thoughts and emotions. When you put on a new self concept, a new state of being, your reality responds. It has no other option. It has to mirror your new internal state. You are capable of manifesting anything you want. You can live the life of your dreams. But to do this, you need to put on an identity of a person you want to become and then start showing up as this person every single day.

✨IG: nikasholistic✨

For the first time in such a long time, I felt confident in myself today.🥰

We had OSPE (Objective structured Practical Examination) and skill laboratory exams today, and I left the exam halls feeling as if I crushed them both. I was right about one of them, and I am waiting for the results of the second one.

Feeling confident doing these exams reminded me of the feeling of excelling in exams. The rush was something I really missed. Honestly, it gave more motivation to study for my finals, which are in 3 days. I'm hoping to keep this motivation until the end.

In a completely unrelated topic, my boyfriend has broken up with me. The excuse he used was that he didn't have much time to be dating and that he needed the time for other things. Am I disappointed? Definietly. But, I am not going to brood over it and work on myself to be better. This was the last chance I was willing to give to having a relationship in medical school, and that's done for 😅

The general takeaway from this is, "Don't date in medical school." 😂

The moment I realised that worrying is also a form of manifestation, I stopped.

Always take good care of yourself so you can take great care for others

gatekeeping how hot i am by never taking pics

As a girl or woman, raise yourself to be an intellectual. Raise yourself to be a reader, a traveller, a curious explorer. Raise girls who are independent livers and thinkers, who are critical of standard narratives and status quos and societal and religious dogma. Girls and women will never benefit from being naïve, stuck in one place, unaware, ignorant, out of options, close minded etc besides deriving from these states a false sense of safety, but the patriarchy reaps massive profits from afflicting these conditions.

Today, we were supposed to learn about clinical presentations of hematologic disorders. The teacher came in, looked at us and told us he was not going to teach that. We were really confused until he opened a slide labelled clinical reasoning. He then explained that as 4th year medical students 7th week into our internal medicine attachment, we were not ecxpected to know a lot.

"Just the principles," he said. He also told us the feeling of inadequecy and lack of knowledge we feel when our peers answered a question we were struggling to grasp or find the answers for was completely normal. "It's because they read a section you haven't read, there might be sections you read they haven't. Think of it that way."

The fact that he said that quelled my imposter syndome just a little. I felt as if I knew nothing when my classmates answered real head-scratcher questions on bedsides, rounds and classes. And that feeling had affected my study sessions because they made me feel it wouldn't bring any change in my knowledge and I wasn't smart enough for medical school. Maybe these things were also felt by them no matter how much I thought they were confident in their knowledge.

Anyways, he taught us how to take history, do a focused physical examination and form our diagnosis based on the pertinent information from that.

I only wish that we learned this at the start of the attachment because it would've been a great help back then.