Latest Posts by maylambb - Page 4

Bruce, adopting Dick: Aw-w, what a sweet little kid! Surely, he is so polite, and—

Dick, the instance he gets in the battle: You fucking disappointment of a person, and (string of curses on his mother language)

Bruce: Oh. Okay.

Bruce, adopting Jason: Well, Jason was well-mannered and soft-spoken so far, so, maybe—

Jason to the random goon: You motherfucking asshole, I am going to shove this boa to your—

Bruce: Right. Okay.

Bruce, making Stephanie his Robin: Maybe...

Stephanie, using the same street language Jason did, if not worse: I FUCKED YOUR MOM, YOU SON OF A—

Bruce: Whatever.

Bruce, eying suspiciously quiet Tim, who came to interrogate the goon for the first time as a Robin: ?

Tim, the minute door closed behind him: Listen to me, you pathetic excuse of a man, I am going to fuck you up, in an—

Bruce, sighing: Yeah. Honestly. Whatever.

Bruce, staring at angry Damian, who looks like he is about to explode, but keeps up as much as he can: Go on, chump. Say what you want.

Damian, staring at the floor with the deadliest stare ever: Not to sound unbecoming, but... Loser. -_-

Bruce, flabbergasted: ...Okay.

Hehehe 😊😘

im obsessed with the difference between the Wayne family and the Kent family. like i can imagine Clark and Bruce working on some kind of case at the watchtower when Kon storms in angrily talking about how Jon won’t stop whining to play games on his phone and it’s really getting on his nerves and Clark needs to go and tell him off bcs he won’t listen to Kon, and Clark sighs before turning to Bruce with an eye-roll like ‘kids amiright?’ and then they hear a far off scream from Dick on the other end of the watchtower that’s like ‘BRUCE JASON KEEPS DRESSING UP AS NIGHTWING AND KILLING PEOPLE IN BLUDHAVEN AND NOW IM BEING INVESTIGATED FOR FUCKING MURDER AGAIN!’ followed by an evil Jason-like cackle and a crash, and Bruce just grunts and stands up to go investigate with a chuckle, returning Clark’s look like ‘oh don’t i know it haha’ as if the two are in any way comparable and Clark isn’t staring at him like his whole family is insane

Jayce has an idea of what his perfect man should be like, it’s super specific and extremely vague at the same time

tfw ur uhhh """"partner""" uno reverses your kabedon

Somewhere, far away from Piltover 💕

i think... this is flirting.

I love the thought of ‘The JLA doesn’t know Batman has kids’ overlapping with ‘Bruce is a single father of multiple children.’

Like, the JLA is about to send out a search party because Batman is five minutes late to a meeting when he shows up with a police report, satellite pictures, and a coloring book.

Green Arrow: …Is that a coloring book? What’s that for?

Batman:

Batman: Coloring.

They’re aiding in the cleanup after a battle in Metropolis. Superman is being interviewed when Lois’ pen stops working. Supes asks, “Batman, do you have something to write with?”

In Bruce’s utility belt, he has a confiscated yo-yo, three broken colored pencil recently removed from the flesh of two different kids, and a Wayne Enterprises pen that Tim scribbled an ‘-ED’ after so it says WEED. Bruce gives Lois the pen and then disappears.

One day, Batman is working on something at the Watchtower. Barry is reaching to pour his second cup of coffee for the day when Bats says without looking up, “Don’t you dare.”

Barry did not dare. He pulled his hand back.

Unbeknownst to Barry, Bruce was on coms listening to his children argue about the physics of a crime scene and Dick had just suggested they test a theory by throwing one of them off the roof handcuffed.

a headcannon i just cane up with

Damian is 8 years old when he first comes to live with his father. He’s all harsh glares, standoffish arm folding, and clever barbs aimed at everyone’s vulnerable points. He’s also adorable. Small enough for Bruce to pick up with little to no effort, with big green eyes and baby fat still in his cheeks.

Bruce is overwhelmed with emotions he’s terrible at expressing; shock at the fact that he has a biological child, furious that said child was kept from him for 8 years, devastated that the child was robbed of a normal upbringing and instead raised in a cult of death and devout loyalty to a madman, and overjoyed that this little boy has his nose, his eyebrows, and the same black curls he got from Martha Wayne. He mourns the moments and milestones he’s missed. First steps, first word, potty training, learning to read and write. He doesn’t even know if Damian can ride a bike.

Then, six months into living with Bruce, Damian loses a tooth. A lateral incisor, by the looks of it. Not because of a hit to the face or a Robin-related incident—no, it’s just the natural, logical conclusion to a loose baby tooth Damian hadn’t mentioned having until he bit into an apple at breakfast and pop! Out comes the tooth, stuck to the apple, leaving the boy with a gap just left of center in his smile.

This hasn’t happened since Dick. Jason and Tim had lost all their baby teeth before Bruce took them in, but Dick had been so young. Bruce remembers the angry 9 year old who just wanted revenge marching to the Cave, presenting him with a molar and pouting silently for hours. It had taken a mug of hot chocolate to get him to admit that Mary Grayson always sang him a special song when he lost a baby tooth, to congratulate him for being one step closer to adulthood, but he couldn’t remember all the words and Bruce, my mama’s not here, who do I give my teeth to? What do I do now?

Bruce has no idea what Talia did when Damian lost baby teeth. All he knows is that he’s on his feet and rushing toward the boy and getting his arms around him and—

“Father!” Damian will never admit to the indignant squawk that escapes him when Bruce plucks him from his seat and holds him close. “Are you—“

Bruce settles Damian on his hip with one arm and cards his other hand through the boy’s soft curls. He breathes in the scent of apple shampoo and oatmeal soap while peppering his forehead with kisses.

“I will get you a new pet,” he says softly, resting his cheek atop his son’s head. “A kitten, a puppy, anything you want. Just…let me have this, baby boy.”

Damian instantly stops protesting. He huffs and pouts—which, oh my fucking God, how is he so precious?—as he wraps his arms around his father’s neck.

“That is…acceptable,” he grumbles. Bruce kisses his cheek and smiles into his hair.

That’s how Damian gets Titus.

Damian is not above using his status as Baby to get what he wants. At the same time, the Bats know that their littlest family member using his power (rare though it may be) is a sign of affection. Nobody says anything because Damian feeling comfortable enough to act his age (even if it is a manipulation tactic) means he trusts them.

Also? It’s fucking adorable.

Bruce is a man of principles and discipline, but he’s ready to shave his head and steal Lex Luthor’s identity no questions asked when Damian silently crawls into his lap. He was on a shareholders videoconference the first time the boy did it. No amount of money, notoriety, or achievements will ever compare to Damian laying his head on his father’s chest, sighing quietly, and closing his eyes peacefully as board members oohed and awwed. Screenshots went viral almost immediately. #BabyWayne trended for weeks.

Bruce booked them a trip to Chicago to see the new tiger exhibit at the zoo that Damian had mentioned over breakfast. He absolutely knew he’d been had and oh fucking well.

Then Damian does it again. And again and again, with no ask beforehand. When Bruce finally asked what was going on, the littlest Wayne said he was cold and simply required a heat source. Bruce pressed a kiss to his boy’s hair and read the quarterly reports over his head. And then took him out for new art supplies. And got him a pet lizard. And some ice cream. And yes, Alfred, I have a problem, but look at him! 🥹

Within 3 months of Damian becoming a doctor injury rates among heroes and vigilantes drop DRAMATICALLY.

He's Dr. House but worse. He watched the show, got inspired and added a culturally appropriate amount of his special flavour of trauma into the mix.

Thomas Wayne and Alfred are Proud.

damian wayne would totally be a fan of the sonic the hedgehog franchise

more specifically, he would be a fan of shadow.

hearme out on this please

ok but like, i dont have anything to back this up, but like

just trust me on this

tell me that this little kid, who was told from birth that he is genetically perfect, who eventually learns to chill out with the killing:

would not look at the ultimate lifeform, all broody n shit:

and not start learning the lore reasons for why shadow is cool as fuck

Toddler Damian if he grew up with Bruce will constantly be put in air jail.

Running through the halls and knocking things over? Air jail but if it's Alfred he hooks him onto a coat rack.

Almost launches himself into the abyss of the Batcave? Air jail but jason swings him around.

Escapes into the chimpanzee exhibit at the zoo? Air jail by Bruce and they go home early.

It's so cute because toddlers in air jail kick their little feet petulantly and I imagine Damian twisting around really violently in air jail.

i do love the idea of the Justice League finding out Batman’s identity and the fact that he’s actually just a tired vigilante dad and immediately discrediting his spooky-scary-intimidating reputation, and Bruce just being devastated about it. he worked so hard on that reputation, on that respect, and it’s all down the drain just like that. nobody flinches away from his glare anymore, because they’ve seen him glare at Red Hood and get a spoonful of mashed potato flung into his face for the effort. nobody cares about his threats anymore, because he tried to threaten Red Robin to go home and rest one time and Tim just giggled at him deliriously before mocking his tone and stealing his coffee. they’ve seen him pick a splinter out of a whining Nightwing’s finger mid-meeting. Damian once called him a condomless harlot to his face when he told him not to bring his swords onto the watchtower. he’s lost control.

he decides he wants the fear factor back and in all his brilliant genius, he decides the best way to go about that is to invite the league round for a fancy dinner party, specifically so he can use all his ‘brucie wayne’ acting skills to channel the essence of every creepy-rich-guy-in-haunted-manor movie he has ever seen in his life. it is the only time his kids have been fully onboard and willing to contribute to one of his plans without any complaints. they almost seemed more eager to pull it off than he was.

they spend the entire day making the manor look old and slightly abandoned, much to Alfred’s displeasure, and ensure that the only lighting is a fuck ton of candles, just enough to light the halls while leaving the corners and edges shadowy and ominous. Damian is allowed to have some of his more ‘skittery’ pets roam the manor freely for the night, causing occasional scritches and scratches to come from the ceilings. all of the kids dress in their best funeral attire, apart from Jason who gleefully pulls on an old white shirt stained with blood from when Tim crashed through his window with a stab wound, requesting a medkit.

when the league arrive they’re greeted by all the kids lined up on the staircase, staring at them blankly and ominously, while Bruce gives them all a large grin and ushers them into the creepy looking dining room. the league are somewhat nervous.

during the dinner the kids act completely different than the league have seen them in-mask. polite, cordial, and refusing to show an ounce of emotion. they pick at their food and only speak in vague sentences that refer to various horrific events of their past. Bruce has never been prouder.

the first close call they have to breaking character is when Bruce presents a bottle of red wine without any kind of label. as he pours a slightly disturbed Diana a glass, she asks where he got it from. Bruce happily gestures to Jason as says ‘my second eldest procured it especially for you, earlier today.’

Diana looks across the table at where Jason is grinning eerily at her by candlelight, still visibly stained with blood, eyes glowing slightly green. she pales, and Tim knows he can’t watch her shakily lift the glass to her lips without bursting out laughing. he refuses to be the one who fucks up first, so he dramatically stands up and declares he must ‘go feed the experiments’ before storming out the room. ‘the experiments’ are in reference to the pen of rabbits outside that glow in the dark because Damian rescued them from a testing facility, but given the environmental context it sounds much more sinister.

Jason joins him by the pen to also start wheeze-crying in private about 20 minutes later, because apparently after Oliver Queen had finished with his bbq rib, Damian had leaned over and without blinking stared into his eyes to blankly state ‘i would love to feed your bones to my animal friends, if you don’t need them anymore.’ and from the other end of the table Jason had snorted wine up his nose from how hard he was trying not to break.

amazingly, they never break character, although it came pretty close when after hearing another skitter from somewhere above, Stephanie climbed up from the table into the crystal chandelier and deftly returned to present the table with a large tarantula cradled in her hands, to which Damian stood up and declared, ‘ah, dessert! i will help pennyworth prepare it.’ before taking the animal and leaving to put his beloved spider back in it’s enclosure. the league genuinely seemed to be under the impression they were about to be served a tarantula-based desert, and upon seeing their faces at this realisation Dick had to pretend he’d dropped a fork on the ground so he could duck by Bruce’s chair and stuff a napkin in his mouth while he got his laughter under control. Bruce pats his shaking son’s back below the table cloth, determinedly staring at their guests with that same creepy-grin he’d kept up the entire night.

every member of the league makes their excuses to leave early, much to Bruce’s exaggerated disappointment. the second the last of them is out the door Alfred turns to face the family and says ‘mission accomplished. now get this manor back to it’s proper state.’ and they have the spend the rest of the night cleaning.

totally worth it, in Bruce’s mind. none of the JL will look him in the eye for weeks afterwards, and it was honestly the most successful attempt at family bonding they’d ever had. he wonders if they should make it a monthly thing. It’s also how they find out Damian’s a fucking theatre kid with a gift for the arts which is another revelation in of itself

Batboys do stupid shit like compete to see who can eat the spiciest food. It’s what siblings do. It’s the law.

Duke finds ramen on Amazon with an honest-to-God warning label on it. “Caution - Do not handle with bare hands.” The boys unanimously decide that this is the ultimate test. They all regret it.

Dick asks Bruce if he wants to join them and the older man wants no parts. There’s no way this ends without vomit, painful gas, heartburn, spice in eyes, or all of the above. Bruce refuses to suffer and simply warns them not to make a mess.

Jason’s the first one down. Duke’s preparing four bowls and when Jason catches a whiff of the sauce, he tears up instantly and taps out. He’s already died once and refuses to do it again so soon.

Damian’s been eating spicy food since he cut his first tooth, but a single taste has him hiccuping. He puts his chopsticks down and runs to the sink, annoyed that he couldn’t win but more focused on willing the food to come back up. Jason rubs his back and offers him some milk to chug. Best case scenario, it helps with the spice. Worst case, you finally puke.

Dick and Tim manage a few mouthfuls each before disaster strikes. Tim starts sweating and his nose starts running. Before taking his fourth bite, he sneezes. Dick laughs while he’s chewing and something goes down the wrong pipe and oh God, it’s in my nose! He hacks and claws at his face, feeling the excruciating burn in his sinuses. He doesn’t realize that he’s got sauce on his hand until he presses his fingers into his sinuses and brushes his eye.

Damian doesn’t mean to laugh as Dick drops to the floor and writhes in agony, but it’s kind of funny. Of course, that’s when his single bite decides to come back up. Jason would find hilarious if the little gremlin hadn’t yakked all over his new shirt. And shoes. And fucking hell, how is there so much, you only took one bite!

Bruce comes into the kitchen and audibly gasps at the carnage as Tim finishes one last bite to solidify his win. The teen grins triumphantly, but the victory is short-lived. Everyone can hear his stomach gurgle unpleasantly and, to Tim’s credit, he simply pulls out a bottle of Pepto Bismol and takes a swig.

“Worth it,” he groans, beating a fist against his chest as uncomfortable heat blooms beneath his sternum. “I’ll wear this heartburn with pride.”

Duke recorded the whole thing. He saves it as “Stupid Shit” on his phone and posts it on Instagram with the hashtag #WeWereUnsupervised.

All his kids have killer puppy dogs eyes that they use on Bruce in very select situations. It works every time because they’re all use it very sparingly.

Bruce is baffled on how it works on him each time and complains to Alfred about it. But he had to stop because Alfred would give him this stern and disapproving look and he had no idea why.

Alfred gives him that look because he always has flashbacks to baby Bruce using the most saddest and cutest puppy dog eyes on him in order to get his way. Alfred is very much a reap what you sow kind of man.

He still lets Bruce complain sometimes because he himself is still not immune to Bruce’s puppy dog eyes, whether or not the man realizes he’s doing it in the first place.

Every older generation is weak against the puppy dog eyes of someone younger than them. Damian is the most powerful in the family because he’s the youngest.

Love the idea of the Batfamily showing a serious, united front whenever they’re working with the Justice League (i.e., obeying Bruce’s orders without question or defaulting to Dick’s authority, following Bruce’s comm protocol, upholding expected field etiquette, coordinating with one another with terrifying efficiency, and generally just not fucking around), but then the minute they get back to the Cave they immediately start to throw hands over who gets to use the PS5.

Bruce, after nose surgery: Anyone makes a single comment, I will fry you.

Dick: *giggles, trying to contain himself*

Jason: *unable and unwilling to resist his urges* So you finally got a nose job.

Tim: Congrats, you're finally a Kardashian.

Damian: What is that? A kind of otter?

Jason: yes.

Stephanie: Many women find a broken nose attractive!

Bruce: I'm not talking to you, Stephanie. *gives her a cold mackerel look*

Stephanie: If this is about the Wonder Woman thing...

Bruce to the rest of his kids, pointedly ignoring Steph: If anyone asks, Bruce Wayne is damnably vain and insecure about his looks.

Cassandra: Your body language suggests you're telling the truth.

Everyone: ...

Bruce: The best lies have a hint of truth.

Cassandra: But...it was none of it a lie. I can read you, remember?

Jason and Dick: *trying to stifle their laughter*

Bruce:...fine, I hated the shape of my nose after it was broken for the seventy-seventh time. Sue me.

Jason: You could stand to tuck your chin in a little.

Dick: You're getting a receding hairline.

Tim: Your crow's feet have crow's feet.

Cassandra: I googled DILF and got you.

The Batkids: ...

Damian: Father, being your biological and genetic son I think I need to start saving for cosmetic surgery.

Bruce: ...

Bruce: I hate all of you.

Talia: Okay, if I had Damian in the spring and it’s winter now… I forgot his birthday, didn’t I?

Harley (holding a teacup): Yeah, he said he’s used to it.

Talia (panicked): Oh my God! Quick, what do boys like? Fisher-Price is still a thing, right?

Harley (flatly): Tali, he turned twelve.

Talia (lamenting): I thought he was nine! Okay, I can work with this. I’ll call Bruce—no, no, he’ll be upset that I forgot his birthday and think I don’t care. But I do care! He’s my tifl. I spent thirty-six hours pushing him out of my body! My mind just gets foggy at times.

Harley: Talia.

Talia: If I had remembered, trust me, I’d throw him a party! Plus, I’m a busy woman. I am a businesswoman before I’m a fighter. That’s not me excusing my actions, though. Don’t say it is!

Harley (repeating herself): Talia?

Talia: I need to give him something good—

Harley (raising her voice): TALIA!

Talia (annoyed): What?!

Harley (passing Talia her phone, which is open to the Amazon app): What you see is his wishlist. That’s the stuff he wants as gifts. You don’t have to buy everything, just one or two items.

Talia: Oh bless you, Harley! Huh, he has a lot of books in here. I shall buy them all!

Talia pulled out her phone and began adding every book she saw on his wishlist to her Amazon cart. Harley shrugged, sipping her tea.

Two weeks later, Damian received numerous packages from Amazon filled with the books he had been hoping to get. He blinked, unsure of how to react. But what stood out the most was that Talia had also bought him the ship Lego set he wanted.

Damian: Hm… She really went through my wishlist for this. If she got the notification that the packages were delivered, she should be calling any second now.

His phone rang two seconds later, right on cue. He answered with reluctance.

Damian: Don't speak yet. I just wanted to say thank you for the gifts. Now you can react.

Talia (sweetly): I get you the best because you’re my precious twelve-year-old, and I knew you turned that age, but it’s been crazy busy dealing with business and my father.

Ra's: Hey!

Damian (small smile): Mm-hm, thanks anyways, Mother. I… love you.

Talia: I love you too!

The Wayne boys most days without sleep before they finally crashed (two manage to beat out Batman)

Tim Drake - 12 days

Tim fidgeted with his hands, his gaze fixed on the wall.

Tim: All around the mulberry bush, the monkey chased the weasel, da da da da—

Suddenly, an alarm blared on his phone startling everyone at the cafe table he was sitting at.

Tim: POP GOES THE WEASEL!

He erupted into cackling laughter, but as he slowly laid his head on the table, the laughter quickly faded away. Cassie, Kon, and Bernard exchanged worried glances.

Cassie: Hey, Tim, how long have you been awake?

Tim (rocking back and forth): 288 hours.

Cassie (stunned): 200 and what?

Kon (shocked): You've been awake for 12 days?!

Bernard (sighing): Again, Tim?

Cassie & Kon: Again?!

Bernard: I've seen this happen with him so many times. At this point, his brain starts to cry.

Cassie: Don’t you mean die?

Tim sobbed for a few moments, his eyes fixed on his phone, before falling completely silent.

Bernard: Nah, I mean crying.

Tim: You've seen me do it before, and I can do it longer. The first record holder lasted 12 days! I can go even longer—like a full month! I can! Batman couldn't even do that!

Tim cackled rocking back and forth.

Tim: Coffee helps especially when you replace it with all other liquids.

Tim grabbed a large cup of coffee, his hands trembling uncontrollably. He took a few big gulps as Cassie looked on in shock, while Konnor blinked and then shrugged, taking a few sips from his tea. Bernard gently rubbed his boyfriend’s back.

Cassie: Dude, why are you even avoiding sleep?

Bernard (explaining for his boyfriend): The double life, regular paperwork and then hero work. Timmy, let's take you home okay?

Tim: Home, no home. I fall sleep. Sleep for the weak... Did you know if you look at the walls long enough, new people appear?

Tim waved, laughing nervously then tensed horrified.

Tim: Their faces are contorting again!

Bernard: Let's take you away from the scary... invisible person and get you home to not rest.

Bernard took Tim's hand and led him outside of the Dunkin' Donuts.

Cassie: I could not handle dating a batkid.

Konnor nodded.

Kon: I dated him for a while. Would not recommend.

----------------------------------------------------

Dick Grayson - 18 days and 15 minutes

Kori and Beast Boy walked into the Titans' living room. Raven was the only one there, deep in her daily meditation.

Kori: Where's Dick at?

Raven: Outside counting blades of grass.

Kori (confused): Counting blades of grass?

Beast Boy (frustrated): Oh Jesus, has he been awake for days again?

Raven nodded, her eyes still closed.

Raven (monotone): He'll crash any second, but he thought being outside in the sun would 'revitalize' him.

Beast Boy: That's not- I'll be back.

Beast Boy went outside where Dick was, indeed, counting blades of grass. BB approached him, tapping his foot. Dick looked up, his eyes wide and one twitching.

Dick: Hey- Hey- Hey buddy. Did you know we have one hundred thousand blades of grass? I- Did you change colors?

BB: What color do you think I am?

Dick squinted his eyes.

Dick: Blue.

BB: All right, we're on that color. How long have you been awake, buddy?

Dick: I stopped sleeping last Wednesday... Then a week passed... Then another, that was 14, now it's Saturday of the second week. And- I hear the world singing.

Dick lay on the ground, counting the same patch of grass as he whispered incoherent nonsense. Beast Boy crossed his arms, sighed, and walked back inside the tower.

BB: 18 days this time.

Beast Boy walked away as Kori covered her mouth in shock.

Raven: He's surpassing the world record holder. Also, his brain might be dying.

Kori (alarmed): Might be?!

Raven: He's a batkid, their brains are made of steel or something.

Kori: I have one trick that usually knocks him out—

Raven: I know it's sex.

Kori (giggling): Yes, but he falls asleep on top of me every time.

Raven sighed, shaking her head while Beast Boy left the house with a water bottle.

Beast Boy: Right, I'm going to give him this sleep juice Alfred sent us. He says it knocks them out in a few seconds.

Raven: Smart choice.

Beast Boy: Thanks.

----------------------------------------------------

Jason Todd - 5 days

Jason: I can't sleep.

Roy: How long have you been awake?

Jason (groggy): About five days. Man, I tried to go to sleep, but my body physically won't let me.

Roy: Well, you have been drinking Red Bulls every other hour. You're too focused on the mission. Just go to sleep.

Jason shook his head, rocking back and forth.

Jason: Can't sleep… Won't sleep… No sleep.

Roy tapped his foot, thinking of a way to get him to sleep, then smiled.

Roy: You know you're becoming just like your dad. That's good; he can go six days without sleep. Maybe you'll—

Jason stood up, went to another room, closed his door, and fell into his bed to sleep.

Roy: Works every time.

----------------------------------------------------

Damian - 1 day

Damian: I don't want to go to sleep! No!

Damian kicked his feet as Bruce dragged him to bed.

Bruce: Nope, you’ve stayed awake for 24 hours. That's it. Go to bed!

Damian: You're so unfair!

Bruce: You're not depriving yourself of valuable sleep—Alfred, shut up!

Alfred, who was reading a book about sleep disorders, smirked and then walked away.

Damian: Father is going to curse you out, so I’ll ask. Can we have the scroll?

Ra’s Al Ghul: No.

Damian (raising his voice in a high-pitched, innocent tone): Please!

Ra’s (usual strict voice until he sees his grandson's face): No—why are you looking at me like that?

Damian faked a sniffle, pouring on the sad puppy dog eyes and lip quiver. The usually fearless and intimidating Ra's struggled to maintain his composure, covering his mouth to hide his amusement.

Ra’s: Stop it! Don’t pull that crap on me!

Damian (laying on the sweet kid tone): But grandfather... I love you.

Ra’s (trembling): Fine! You can have the scroll! Just quit the act!

Damian immediately returned to his usual self, sporting a smug smile.

Damian: Thank you! We’ll wait here while you retrieve it.

Ra’s groaned and walked off to fetch the magic scroll in question as Batman approached his son.

Batman: What did you say?

Damian: I used manipulation and reminded him I’m his only grandchild... along with puppy dog eyes.

Batman chuckled, shaking his head with pride at his son’s cleverness.

Damian: Father is going to curse you out, so I’ll ask. Can we have the scroll?

Ra’s Al Ghul: No.

Damian (raising his voice in a high-pitched, innocent tone): Please!

Ra’s (usual strict voice until he sees his grandson's face): No—why are you looking at me like that?

Damian faked a sniffle, pouring on the sad puppy dog eyes and lip quiver. The usually fearless and intimidating Ra's struggled to maintain his composure, covering his mouth to hide his amusement.

Ra’s: Stop it! Don’t pull that crap on me!

Damian (laying on the sweet kid tone): But grandfather... I love you.

Ra’s (trembling): Fine! You can have the scroll! Just quit the act!

Damian immediately returned to his usual self, sporting a smug smile.

Damian: Thank you! We’ll wait here while you retrieve it.

Ra’s groaned and walked off to fetch the magic scroll in question as Batman approached his son.

Batman: What did you say?

Damian: I used manipulation and reminded him I’m his only grandchild... along with puppy dog eyes.

Batman chuckled, shaking his head with pride at his son’s cleverness.

twitter dump of my faves of this fuckass horrible ass reunion. welcome back everypony

part two as requested

I have this headcanon that Duke is like… the only person who can shit talk Damian to his face and everyone else is flabbergasted bc like- its damian, but Duke lives with the guy and actually has no chill, so Damian allows it because… Duke’s like… his closest brother because they live together.. like-

Damian: *scowling around at people at a very important social event* Dick: *trying to get him to smile* Duke: *flatly, snaps his fingers twice in Damian’s direction* Fix your face Critter Dick: *ready to hold Damian back if he attacks* Damian: *bats Duke’s hand away, but smooths out his expression and almost looks… normal* ~ Duke and Jason: *having a discussion* Damian: *walks in* D+J: *laugh* Damian: What am I missing? Duke: *without missing a beat* a few inches of height Jason: *agog* Damian: *rolls eyes* ~ Robin: I need to get to the top of that wall Signal: You do? Damn. Thats a shame. *whistles* Damian: *scowling* Duke: Do you have something to ask, short stack? Dick: *ready to intervene on Duke’s behalf* Damian: *through gritted teeth*  Could you help me up the wall, Signal? Please. Duke: *smirks. Yeets him up* Dick: *gagged* Bruce: *used to it, sighs*

Jason and Dick falling back into being brothers after Jason gets resurrected except both of them keep forgetting that although Dick is still older, Jason is now very much not a small little Robin anymore.

Dick, pointing to an ugly old guy on TV: that’s you

Jason, gesturing to a pug: that’s you

Dick: *flicks the side of Jason’s head*

Jason: do that again and i’ll smash your face in

Dick: bring it on, little wing!

Jason: *jokily shoves Dick off the couch*

Dick: *flies two feet and smashes through a glass table*

Tim and Damian watch Dick try and sneak up on Jason from behind to shove him in the pool but Jason doesn’t even budge, and they see Dick’s eyes widen in regret before he gets judo-flipped into the water. Jason tries to jump in after but forgets how big he is and manages to both land directly on Dick’s flailing body and cause a wave big enough to drench Alfred standing at the other edge. Damian turns dead eyes onto Tim,

Damian: promise me we’ll never be that immature.

Tim: we can learn from their stupidity

Alfred, dripping onto the tiles, Jason and Dick struggling in the background: please see that you do.

I literally never considered the whole Batman being called 'B' and then reporting back to 'A' but now that you've mentioned it, I'm obsessed with the idea. I mean, imagine meeting Batman, seeing him in the field, how hard he fights, only for him to report back to 'A'. Especially if you hear how people who've met A talk about him, like:

Batman: I'll give you each 10k if you don't tell A that I busted my shoulder

Nightwing: Sorry B, you're on your own

Red Hood: Hell no cheapskate, I wouldn't do it for 100k

Superman: I don't want to get on A's bad side :(

there's things that the JL have "heard" about A that only make him even scarier (some of these I compiled from the other post):

uses lethal force even when B won't

never leaves Gotham, like some kind of mafia don

has the ability to punish B and/or remove him from active field service

A's urgent requests take priority, even above the JL. B zetas down to Gotham without asking a single follow up question, he just goes

"You think B is bad about [thing], A is even worse." -- a sentence said jokingly by many a Batkid, over the years

I believe, in my heart of hearts, that Bruce teaches all of his Robins to go for the kill. If its between their life and someone else's? Its going to be the other person. Their life is not worth the mission, their life is not expendable. Dick, Jason, Tim, Steph, Damian, even Jarro were all taught that if there is no feasible way to get away without killing the person, then go for it. If they’re being strangled and they are near a brick? Use it to beat the dudes head in. A knife is at their throat? Push them backwards onto that jagged shard of metal. Save yourself. Bruce? Hypocrite. Because his life is worth the mission. If theres no way for him to take someone down without killing them, he just accepts that he’s going to die. And then of course Robin swings in and saves him, but in a life or death situation for them? Choose life. And kill the other person. 

Damian: *peaks head above dining table* Baba

Bruce: *sighs, gives Damian the rest of his incredibly juicy fruit salad* Hn

Damian: *scampers off with bowl, Titus hot on his tracks*

Bruce: *watches with a faint smile, sipping on his water*

Bruce is totally a mom the way he just lets his kids take his food, just like my mom. They give him one look and Bruce is ready to feed them himself