Me, Baking Anything: For Patton

Logan, in front of camera: Yeah, I'm good at baking because it's a science, I follow instructions exactly and get the desired outcome.

- (Flashback) -

Remus: A fourth teaspoon of cinnamon? You're fucking with me. What do you think this is, radioactive?

Remus: 1/6 cup? Eh, this'll be close enough

Remus: This frosting doesn't have salt? Seriously, the recipe's fucking with me. You can't have frosting without salt.

Remus: I'm out of almond flour for macarons? Eh, I'll grind my own

-

Interviewer: And how do you feel about Remus's baking always turning out better than yours?

Remus: *in background, putting cinnamon and chili powder in his hot chocolate*

Logan: *eye twitches* It's fine.

Logan: "A pinch of salt." (grates it into Patton’s hand)

Patton: "Ah! I'm gonna throw it over my shoulder. Which one is it? Left or right?"

Logan: "I don't know—"

Patton: "Left!" (throws it over left shoulder)

Roman: "What happens if you get that wrong?"

Virgil: "I don't know. You kill God or something."

Roman: (laugh)

Virgil: "One's the devil, I know that much."

Logan: "Wow. Don't wanna make that mistake, do you?"

Me: Okay, let's go through this again. Spell his name?

My brain: S-A-P-N-A-P.

Me: And how do you say his name?

My brain: Sap-Nap.

Me: Again, slower.

My brain: Sap. Nap.

Me: Good. Now, what's his name?

My brain: Hehehe Snapnap

Me: NO

Alternative to 'Working Through Intrusive Thoughts' Episode (no spoilers)

Janus: *sewing peacefully*

Janus: *cuts thread*

Remus: Y'know, those scissors are really sharp. You could poke them in your eye right now. Not even too hard, just cut your lenses. Do you think that would bleed? What would your vision look like? Would it leave a scar or make your eye look weird and blob-like? Or would it be foggy?

Janus, handing him a beanbag frog: This is for you.

Remus:

:0

Remus, squishing it: He,,, he bean,,, he sound like bean,,,

(Episode end.)

Wonderful post op but I read this as 'milf' at first and that gave it a WHOLE other meaning lemme tell you—

janus centric stories where he's insecure of his scales and thinks they're evil and monstrous are fun for angst reasons and all but you can't stare me dead in the eye and tell me that canon, present-day janus doesn't look in the mirror every morning and think he's the prettiest mf in thomas' mind

If anyone's wondering what they're eating—

Roman: Toaster waffles

Janus: He just unhinged his jaw (traumatizing Roman and Patton) and had a few whole raw eggs before leaving to not eat for a few weeks

Remus: Raw oats (just throwing back handfuls and sometimes not even chewing them, Patton is very concerned)

Patton: Cereal

Logan: Oatmeal (he offered to make Remus some out of politeness but he wasn't interested)

Virgil: Dry toast

(I feel it's important to emphasize that everyone is sitting at the table, even Remus, except Virgil, who is sitting on top of the fridge, munching on plain toast)

(Virgil's shooting Janus infuriatingly smug looks because whenever he tries to get on the fridge in the dark side, Janus swats him down with a broom, but he can't do that now haha take that Receipt)

Sides: *eating breakfast together*

School bus: *drives past*

Remus: *sees that it's empty*

Remus: This bus empty,

Remus, miming jerking a steering wheel to the side: SKEET

Remus: *continues eating breakfast*

Patton, the only one not used to this: ???

Influencer drama I'm not interested in: Idk like fighting or whatever, I don't pay enough attention to have good examples

Influencer drama I'm absolutely interested in: The animosity between Quackity and Rat

Theodore (my cat): *meow*

Me, through my closed room door: You can't come in buddy

Theodore: *sad meow*

Me: I'm sorry but my room isn't clean and you're a little bastard

Theodore: *sadder meow*

Now I can just imagine one of the sides having this conversation with Remus (Remus as my cat, obviously)

Janus: Can you preheat the apartment? I'm on my way home

Virgil: What are you banana bread?

Janus: Be very careful with what you say next.

The beanless bois

Patterns: cut

Colors: matched

Bois: pinned together

Reference boi: ready

Special eyes for the special boi: Ready