Chuuya: The Mission Might Be Over, But As Long As You're Around, We'll Always Get Into Trouble.

Chuuya: Isn't the idea supposed to be "you saved my life, now I owe you a debt?" Dazai: Nope. Other way round. You saved my life, so now I'm your problem. If you don't like it, then kill me. Dazai: God wanted me dead, now you get to find out why.

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Atsushi: What was Chuuya like when he was a little?

Dazai: Oh I think you mean young. He's always been little.

Dazai: Kunikida and I get along perfectly. Don't we, Kunikida?

Kunikida: I have never been so stressed in my entire life.

*some years later*

Dazai: Atsushi, Akutagawa...

Atsushi and Akutagawa: Yes, Dazai.

Dazai: About the rumour...

Atsushi, Akutagawa: What rumour?

Dazai: Poetry.

Atsushi, Akutagawa:

Dazai: It's not what everybody thinks it is.

Akutagawa: I'm afraid explaining any further while in your partner's bed will only make matters worse, Mrs. Nakahara.

Dazai: Did you just call me Mrs. Nakahara?

Atsushi: It's best if you get used to it sooner than later.

Dazai:

Akutagawa, opening a door he shouldn't have opened: Dazai, Chuuya?

Dazai and Chuuya shocked, as their kissing session just got disturbed: Akutagawa?

Akutagawa, concerned: Is everything alright?

Dazai: It's perfectly fine.

Dazai: Chibi, tell him what we're doing.

Chuuya: We...

Chuuya: I'm teaching him some poetry.

Akutagawa: Poetry?

Dazai:

Dazai: Yes, I love poetry.

Akutagawa:

Chuuya: I'm surprised as you are. He can't get enough of it.

Akutagawa: I'll leave you to do your poetry then...

Akutagawa: *closes the door, regretting all his life decisions*

Ranpo, first time meeting Dazai about Chuuya: My special abillity says there's a man in your life you're having problems with.

Dazai, angrily: That's an easy guess.

Dazai: I'm clearly an annoying person and have problems with both genders.

Ranpo: Yes, you clearly are.

Atsushi: What is it like to be aspec? I don't really get it.

Dazai: Ok, listen up. Mentally I'm very romantic.

Dazai: Physically I'm asexual.

Dazai: Spiritually I'm a fucking slut.

Atsushi: Yep, makes sense.

*the agency reorganizes and cleans the office cause it is a total mess*

Kunikida: We need a more efficient method. What about the Norwegian system Munkensmat?

The ada: ???

Kunikida: In Munkensmat, you get rid of all personal possessions except one.

Dazai: Ok I'll go first. It's between my antidepressants and this fidget spinner.

Dazai: *throws in the can his meds*

Dazai: I think I made the right call.

*Dazai and Chuuya get captured and are tied together*

Dazai: Chill out slug. It's not like you've never been tied up before.

Chuuya, talking really fast: Sure. But there weren't involved a psycho and a piece of shit.

Dazai: Am I... Okay, Am I the the psycho or the piece of shit?

Chuuya: Both.

*after that dead apple scene*

Chuuya: We had a bonding moment! I cradled you in my arms!

Dazai: Nope, don't remember. Didn't happen.