Chuuya: Thank You For Inviting Me To Mackerel's Wedding Today, Kouyou.

Dazai: Chuuya and I don't use pet names.

Odasaku: I see. Hey, what do bees make?

Dazai: Honey.

*silence*

Dazai: Ha, you thought, bitch.

Chuuya, yelling from another room: What do you want, whore?

Dazai: We both look very handsome tonight!

Chuuya: You know, if you'd just said that I looked handsome, I would have said "so do you."

Dazai: No you wouldn't.

Chuuya:

Chuuya: Yeah, you're right.

Chuuya: what the fuck are you looking at?

Dazai, on the inside: You’re so beautiful and I'm so in love with every part of you. The curve of your mouth when you laugh while you're having a good fight. How you stand leaning on your side with your hands in your pocket. The way your hair shines like the sun and how you always blush when I get too close. I’m so lucky to have you. You are the greatest person I’ve ever met and I will never regret meeting you. I would find you and love you in every lifetime.

Dazai, out loud: You got shorter.

Dazai, pulling out an engagement ring: Got it a week after we first met.

Chuuya:

Chuuya, also pulling out a ring: Got it yesterday.

Chuuya: Osamu, I'm in love with you.

Dazai: I'm sorry, what? Since when?

Chuuya: Idk, it just happened.

Dazai: How? You think I'm annoying.

Chuuya: You are.

Dazai:

Chuuya: It's one of your most endearing qualities.

Dazai: I need a top.

Ranpo: Chuuya is in the pm, but Atsushi can go get him for you.

Dazai, blushing: I meant for this food container!

Yosano: Ok, bottom...

Dazai: Yosano, please.

Yosano: ...drawer.

Chuuya: Here's the thing. So I've known for a while now that Dazai has a little crush on me...

Kouyou: A little crush?

Chuuya:

Kouyou: Well, I suppose so, in the same way Menelaus had a little crush on Helen of Troy.

Chuuya: Yeah, I don't rlly know who they are...and I don't care, so listen...

Chuuya: The point is Dazai isn't the kind of guy I usually go out with.

Kouyou: Darling, Dazai isn't the kind of guy anyone usually goes out with...

Atsushi: What is it like to be aspec? I don't really get it.

Dazai: Ok, listen up. Mentally I'm very romantic.

Dazai: Physically I'm asexual.

Dazai: Spiritually I'm a fucking slut.

Atsushi: Yep, makes sense.

Dazai: You're wearing make-up???

Chuuya: Oh, it's just eyeliner. Do you like it?

Dazai:

Dazai: No it looks stupid...

*some moments later*

Dazai, sobbing into Odasaku's shoulder: It looked so good!!!

Odasaku: I know.

Dazai: I'm so gay...

Odasaku: *sighs* I know...

Dazai, about Chuuya: Just when you think you've hit rock bottom, you want to get fucked by a short ginger.

Ango: 🤦‍♂️

Odasaku: Please stop talking.