I Won’t Be Deleting My Blogs, From Last Year. Lmao. Though Embarrassing, I’ve Decided For Them To

Been a while since i opened my every thoughts in this account. School has been very tough. I wanna give up.

Loving is not an unfamiliar feeling for me. I have always known love, deeply. In a way that i feel as though my flesh and my bones are made out of it. Loving a person, a friend, a family, an animal or a pet, a memory, a place, things i own that I’ve grown attached to; loving them is like breathing.

Although i am aware of the pain that comes with it, the agony that comes with love.

It’s still feels peculiar and soul crushing to be experiencing it for the first time for this boy. I feel pathetic. Because i have always known the pain loving can bring, and YET, i still let this feelings go on and continue without a care of the sufferings it can bring.

I didn’t want this to end up this way. I wanted to be happy with him, to be happy while getting to know this person I’ve longed to know.

summertime sadness (every summer carries the ghosts of all the summers that precede it)

Sometimes in life, people will show you how much they don't respect or appreciate you even if you did so many loving things for them. Even if you were always considering them at the expense of yourself. Allow that to be the blessing of knowing who deserves you and who doesn't. I rather find out the hard way that someone doesn't value me for everything that I am than keep them in my life forever. My love is unconditional but not at the expense of my self-esteem, mental health, and happiness.

I find myself wondering how i’ve been resonating intricately melancholia to Ghibli.

Everything about the music, the art, the stories, and the characters. We all know that’s what makes us fall in love with it. Yet there’s this opaque emotions of longing and nostalgia for something i’ve never had that these films had made me felt. These films just captures it, the simplicity of their manner of living, that fuzzy warm feeling i always feel whilst watching it makes me yearn for that kind of life.

Ghibli kind of conveys these sense of realism through the prism of fantasy or surrealism. That is why i’ve always wanted to be there, not because of the magic or the fantasies, but because i’ve loved how it shows the beauty of doing something so mundane.. or of having a mundane life.

After all these years, these songs are still the ones that makes me feel to live it through again. Always has been and always will be.

"How do you write such realistic dialogue-" I TALK TO MYSELF. I TALK TO MYSELF AND I PRETEND I AM THE ONE SAYING THE LINE. LIKE SANITY IS SLOWLY SLIPPING FROM BETWEEN MY FINGERS WITH EVERY MEASLY WORD THEY TYPE OUT. THAT IS HOW.

warsan shire