She Turns Around To Gag, The Overwhelming Smell Of Chicken Shit May  Have Gotten To Her. This Was Absolute

໒꒱ . BLACK BANQUET # REFLECTION 、

when asked to reflect — inquiries under the pretense of theory and hypothesis — lili feels this is legacy’s own way of leashing them. a toxic reminder that the wrong attitude could land you on the wrong side of the public masses all wrapped up in a situational ‘what if’ of an interview. 

so, lili sprinkles a little truth in each answer — but not too much, even if her own thoughts on the matter were of little concern. 

“it doesn’t really matter to me — i was just in the background, but it is kind of annoying that they’ll have to reshoot a bunch of stuff though. i’m sure the production staff must be exhausted, and i feel sorry for them. it’s a pricy mess, too.”  

truthfully, if lili had been a little more committed to the project, she probably would be frustrated. but since she wasn’t —

“what type of scandal?” she teases, before shrugging her shoulders — her face flattening to its default blankness as she thinks about it. “i'd probably do the opposite of what han sohee did.” she fanned the flames of her own  demise, really. 

didn’t she know the general public loved a tragedy — tearing down a blinded-by-love starlet was probably their afternoon snack in between their boring 9-to-5 and 5-to-9. 

“it would have blown over if she had just put the phone down,” and unilaterally kept her head down. ugh, the thought of it makes lili want to scoff. if it had been a man — he would have been praised for his blatant display of genuine love. but since it was a woman — lili tries not to frown. “people forget in time, or when another piece as equally — or better yet — more interesting drops.”  

from a realistic standpoint, lili thinks it’ll only be a matter of time before she’s accused of having an attitude problem — standing at the pinnacle of a misogynistic society does that to a person, especially if said person was a woman. she wouldn’t be surprised if she was prosecuted for even less than what han sohee had embroiled herself into. 

where they differed was that lili would never sacrifice career and face over a man — not when such a man did nothing to shield her from the backlash. god, reading the headlines the weeks before nearly had her gagging. such a waste, she thinks.

it’s easy enough to say it’ll never happen to her — but no one really knows the future, and lili was a time bomb ready to explode at the most minor inconvenience. “there’s really no avoiding a scandal — people try to make the most smallest of things into something newsworthy, it’s just the truth. getting in front of such a situation would probably be the smartest.” hiding things that should be kept hidden could only work so well — and for the filthy rich — but lili liked to think realistically, and while she liked to think she didn’t have anything to hide, there were some things she knew — about herself, her life, through experience — that could quickly turn from her sweetest advantage to the professional-fatal knife in her back. “that or being a nice person but no one is a perfect saint.”

most especially, lili.

she doubts it — but lili should be thankful for zoe’s optimism. it might be the only thing keeping her hopeful for the rest of the day until the ride home. just a couple more hours and they were home free — at least, this is what lili thought.

lili was not a work with what’s available but god told her beggars could not be choosers — and it is only today that she realizes the truth of those exact words. with a grim smile and a hand to hide it she feigns a dramatic sigh before falling onto zoe’s shoulder, “don’t worry, zoe, once we get back, you’ve got a ginseng chicken soup with your name on it on my dime, i swear it.”

only a couple more hours, she tells herself, and lili is near ready to  buy their whole dormitory soup if she needs to speed up the process. sitting up straight, she raises a brow, genuinely pondering what part of the weekend that she enjoyed — sparingly — there were times here and there she liked, if she truly could get out of her nitpicking ways to admit it. 

“mm,” she thinks for a minute longer because it was genuinely that hard for her to find some part of the weekend she actually found enjoyable — because knowing lili, this weekend was not her top ten — nor top one hundred — best picks of a good time. “spending time with you and jiah, i guess. but like —“ she lowers her voice to a whisper, a hand raised to cover her lips lest their be lip-readers in their midst. “i already hang out with you guys back home and at least there we have cell service.” before dropping her hand. “but i guess the chickens were kinda cute — smelly, but cute. kinda like you.” she laughs before pinching the other’s cheek, “kidding but you definitely did stink after friday.” 

— 🐰 » 

Zoe watched Lili with a mix of amusement and concern, noting the exhaustion etched in her friend's features despite her attempts to maintain a smile. Being on their feet for hours wasn't easy, especially when trying to promote something as seemingly mundane as soap bars at a fair.

"Grace, indeed," Zoe replied, her accent softening with empathy. She could sense Lili's frustration, the subtle strain in her voice as she talked about luck. Zoe leaned more toward believing in hard work, but she understood how luck could sometimes sway things.

Zoe chuckled and shook her head. "Well, you're so right there, but I guess we'll just have to work with what's available. Who knows, maybe we'll be pleasantly surprised today," she said optimistically to Lili's mention of the disappointing food, though she shared her doubts about the culinary offerings.

The mention of ginseng chicken soup brought a wistful smile to Zoe's face. "That does sound amazing," she agreed, imagining the warmth of the soup on a chilly day like today. "But hey, even if the food isn't great, at least we have each other's company," she added, playfully nudging Lili.

Zoe's gaze softened as she looked at her friend, silently offering her support. "Hey, amidst all this chaos, did you manage to enjoy any part of the day?" she asked, genuinely interested in hearing Lili's perspective.

satisfied with his answer, lili only beams in response. maybe she should call it luck that the cameras were rolling — getting an complimentary answer from minkyu as so has never been easier. 

“alright, alright, picasso. i can’t wait to see what you come up with.” she teases, eyes shining bright as she looks from the set of colors she had already swiped to her side to him. 

every now and then, her eyes briefly glance his way — a mirror of the image she was trying to transfer to the kite itself. unfortunately, lili was no artist — not in this way at least — but she makes the most of her materials and does her best to her strengths.

in the end, her kite looks more reminiscent of those old school shoujo mangas she and taeha used to pour over back in high school in between competitions; how she had remembered such a small detail is beyond her — but here it is, drawn in it’s full length: accented with big yellow stars and overly-drawn pink and blue flowers to surround the image of minkyu in the style of a shoujo protagonist from the 90’s. 

her ears perking when she hears his completion and she immediately snaps up the kite before his eyes could take in what she had made — smile already just that bit triumphant and overall pleased with what she had come up with.

“okay — i’m ready.” she takes a breath before initiating the countdown —

“one …. two …. three!” 

once sung, she spins her kite in time with his only to feel her lips crinkle in amusement; laughter already on the cusp of her tongue as she tries to choke out a — “is that supposed to be keroppi?? or is it kermit?” 

Off-camera, if this were truly Lili and Minkyu in their natural states, her comment about Hollywood actresses would be met with a snarky reply;

Minkyu would likely respond with something along the lines of how she’s pretty cute, but there’s no way she could compare to someone like Anne Hathaway.

This, of course, would all be in playful jest, never serious, always lighthearted. But the cameras are rolling, and while Minkyu always strives to present his most genuine self to the viewers and fans ( slash girlfriends ), he knows this moment calls for sweetness;

it's a moment meant to quicken Lili's heartbeat and those of the audience.

So he gives her a sweet smile, one that seems reserved solely for her, and gently lifts his free hand to fix a stray lock of her bangs. "You should already know you're much cuter than any Hollywood actress." he says, his voice soft and sincere.

Even as they sit down, his perpetual half-smile remains, his eyes scanning the array of tools before quickly picking up the right markers and pens to decorate the kite.

"You'll be surprised. I'm the modern Picasso!" he declares with a playful brow wiggle in her direction, almost charming, before his focus returns to the kite.

He's chosen the same colors as her favorite plushie, even attempting to draw a chibi version of it. Though it hasn’t turned out perfectly, it's recognizable enough.

After a few minutes, he looks back up, a grin on his lips as he hides the result of his craft with his arms. "Okay, let's show what we've created on the count of three!"

໒꒱ . TRAINEE MISSION # 17 _ NOSTALGIA REVIEW、

it is to no one surprise that lili’s least favorite week was week 5 and no we will not elaborate because lili’s headache throughout rehearsals should be enough of an explanation.

she was rather pouty and mouthy ( to any ear that listened ) about the song choices but when it came time to actually performing, like the hypocrite she is, she smiled and sang like she hadn’t just bad-mouthed each song the week prior to performing it.

funnily enough, lili’s favorite week was probably week 6 because she enjoyed ’tt’ the most. not only was it the most vocally challenging of the songs they had to perform during this stint, she found herself having fun performing it as well — understanding just why people liked it, in the end. 

she probably got a little too into character during the performance with her pouts.

one thing lili knows how to do is be charming and she thinks ( SHE THINKS ) her charm was shown the best during week 6’s performance.

from rehearsals to their subsequent performance, lili finds herself craving the stage more than she usually does. maybe it has something to do with the fact that they were building up for something — maybe it was the fact that with each week came a new performance and that only sparked a new sense of fulfillment in her; whatever it was, by the end of the program, lili finds herself a little sad that it had ended so soon despite her many ( many ) complaints.

she, surely, complained a bit too much to chaekyung and is still sore that chaekyung did not bring her to the nurse when she said her headache was life or death.

while lili prizes herself as an all-rounder performer, she’s realizing that being an all-rounder also means being able to cover for her peers when they fall short and not only does lili fail in that regard, she loses sight when she puts rapping and similiar low-toned range performances on the back-burner. another that she finds herself shirking is the way she portrays herself in her performances as a performer, being away from the stage had set in her a precedent of comfortability that she needs to ease off of — she needs to want it again, to not be okay with being comfortable, she needs to succeed in its light rather than just be on stage. she wants to shine. 

໒꒱ .  TRAINEE MISSION # 16 、INTERVIEW .

lili had never been the spill your guts, vulnerable in front of the camera kind of person.

but she likens this scenario as a part to play. a role she must succeed to in order to get to where she must. and where that place is is where people liked that vulnerable in front of the camera, spill your silly guts kind of crap. 

so, lili does what she can — musters up the silly little guts that would get her somewhat of a good standing and puts on that darling, pretty smile her grandma loves.

WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE MOMENT FOR TODAY ?

“my favorite? it has to be —” she racks her brain for something memorable that happened today: she had almost fell in chicken shit — it literally was everywhere, it was probably all up in the grooves of her boots — the smell was permanently stuck in her nose no matter what jaekyung had tried, she was tired — lili did not want to revisit such a memory. and yet, here she re-tells the tale like it was some funny comedic sketch that had brought her to her tears in joy and jest. a darling smile brought to her lips even if the only thing she wished to say was that she was thankful that the day was finally over. “getting to see all the cute chickens, we even got to see some eggs hatch in the incubator, it was really cool. i’ve never seen that before.”

HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT THE CHALLENGE GIVEN TO YOUR TEAM ?

“hard.” probably the most truthful thing she’ll utter this weekend — and it was only friday. despite grinning and bearing it for what she could, today had really done a number for her. “bearing through the chicken coop was … an experience, i was honestly kind of scared — i thought the chickens would attack us. can you imagine getting chased by a chicken?” she shudders at the horror of the thought, for effect.

WHO DID YOU FEEL YOU GOT CLOSER TO ?

she pauses, thinking about it for a good second. even if most of the day she had stuck herself, like glue, to jiah, lili couldn’t deny that there had been quite a number of trainees she had inadvertently gotten closer to. not that she could help it, in between biting her tongue at the complaints that wished spill from her tongue, she knew the others could tell she was having a hard time and, in the end, was thankful for those who helped to make her dire experience even just a sniff better. “i’d say jaekyung? she even offered her towel to me when she saw that i was struggling.” sure, lili was being a tad bit dramatic but the stench was truly nauseating, the viewers would be glad they’d didn’t see lili hurl.

WHAT WAS ONE LESSON YOU’VE LEARNED FROM THIS EXPERIENCE ?

nothing. lili learned absolutely nothing — she wished to say, but knows that isn’t what they came here for. that that wasn’t what the viewers wanted to hear. so instead, lili works the courage of what a menial, less troublesome, more humble person would think: she knew no one of this manner so she was struggling but she makes do — “that it’s good for all of us to take a moment to slow down and feel the wind in our hair.” something like that, right?

“all the aunties here were super cute, too, maybe their fashion sense here is another lesson to remember.” 

໒꒱ . LGC’S CHARITY CONCERT # 2024  、

in hindsight, if lili knew where she would be assigned to perform — maybe she would have chosen songs that were better suited for the environment. singing about loneliness in front of five year olds in a language they were less than acquainted with was not what lili had pictured when she had submitted her song lists to the coaches all those weeks ago.

if they had been given the heads up, maybe she would have thrown in a few more dance songs rather than singing about a love yearned or a love missed. lili had definitely missed her target audience by a long shot. a part of her wishes she had traded with someone else from day 1 — now, it was too late to wish, much too late to regret.

and without much thought of much else — it wasn’t like she had much choice to do anything other than what she had prepared — she lays her regrets in the back of her head. her confidence shot, her song choices shoddy at best, she was at odds with herself by the time it came for her last time at the mic.

as she’s begun her final song — had watched as the kids’ eyes rolled to the back of their heads at her last song — she could already imagine the chorus of internal groans at how another slow song was ready to leave her lips.

and yet, she carries herself as she’s always done; her confidence had always been something as strong as a mountain’s will; nothing could truly shake her, even if her crowd was less than thrilled at her song choices, she sings as if they’re all dying for an encore ( instead of the other way around ) — the heartache in her voice probably going over their heads — but she learns, as the last of the song departs her; the mist in the eyes of the center’s employees is hard to miss her gaze. and with that, lili is satisfied.

at least, lili could say she touched someone’s heart this holiday season.

@LGCENT just posted a photo!

they say that for every cherry blossom petal that you catch in your hand, you get a wish. were you able to make any wishes? i know what i would wish for 💝

#lgctrainees #lgcent #xulili

FLY WITH ME. wanna fly with you in my arms ; hangang citizen’s park, seoul — @lgcminkyu

lili hadn’t thought much about the date lottery when the option had been placed on the table. it had been more or less a throw-away decision, sign her up there, hear about it later — sort of thing. 

however, when news came of her actually participating — and worse, having to be the one to plan the whole date — lili had her reservations. 

she had never been one to care about such things but what if her date sucked? and what if her date hated what she planned — what if netizens thought it was boring? ugh, this was the type of stress that imprinted permanent wrinkles to the forehead.

said wrinkles are ironed out as she eases herself into a sense of zen ; rolling her mystery date’s hint between her fingertips —  an adorable kuromi plushie that makes her wish she had chosen a my melody counterpart rather than the jellycat snake she had been eyeing for ages — as she waits at the corner of the entrance of hangang citizen’s park. all the cherry blossoms had finally departed from their blooms and all was left were their fallen petals, skirting around her heels.

she tries hard to keep her face from falling into a look of anxiousness as she pretends the camera currently zooming into her face from several steps away isn’t there, nor is the producer whispering into his headset isn’t inducing an annoying buzz in her ears. from afar, she can already spy the dozen or so kites taking flight ; vibrant colors painting the afternoon sky in their illustrious rainbow. "i hope they like it," she whispers to herself, taking another breath to calm herself.

lili immediately raises her fingers to form an ‘x’ in rejection. “no, no — just brunette and maybe layers, but no bangs.” lili was firm with her likes and her dislikes and she absolutely disliked the idea of bangs on herself. 

“yea, it’s kinda crazy. but i guess expected since we’re not like debuted official just training official? at least we get exposure through the company instagram.” like a pebble in an ocean, lili surmises. “better than nothing,” she adds at the end even if it was closer to nothing than anything else on her end.

nodding, her hand pushes the tray further towards kyoka with a smile, “はいー めしあがれ.” her japanese had somehow gotten better to a fault, enough for casual remarks but still not well enough to hold a lengthy conversation. 

Kyoka cocks her head to the side and blinks. Fair enough, Lili does look great as a brunette and she makes sure to say as much. Very mindful, very demure, she nods approvingly. Hey, maybe she should consider going brunette too someday, "With bangs too maybe, what do you think?" she asks, grabbing the tip of her hair to illustrate her vision.

She shrugs, the idea clearly not bothering her that much. "Everyone I really know is here or they're back home still and I'm not allowed to talk about them." She was definitely forgetting a lot of other people around her, but then again, she never made enough of an impression for people to really notice her anyways. "Can you believe we're not allowed in any social media, not even from fans posting about random meetings?"

And does she want Lili's potatoes, of course she does. Kyoka never turns down free food and she's also almost always kind of hungry anyways. Her piling up on the potatoes onto her plate is her response, and it's only right before she takes her first bite that she remembers to thank Lili, "I do, いただきます!!" head bobbing as she spoke.

໒꒱ . TRAINEE MISSION # 17 _ NOSTALGIA PERFORMANCE ( DOLPHIN ) 、

despite her initial toil and complaint, lili finds a refreshing relief once she finally steps foot onto the stage. the heated lights overhead that dim before the start of the performance. the quiet murmur of staff and performers as they quickly take their places. the silent cue to begin — it all pricked at her nerves and delighted her in ways that make the past few weeks of grumbling kind of worth it?

( i know — shocking )

the songs aren’t necessarily hard. 

in fact, other than the slight hitches in octave, lili finds them fitting into her range with ease. she had never thought she’d grow accustomed to singing such cutesy songs about love but — here, she is. grinning and bearing it, as she can, all while prancing around as if the cutesy, pretty love that she sang about was all that mattered in the world. 

its fitting though — such cute songs for the turn of seasons. and with that thought, lili realizes, she could hardly care less about what they wanted her to sing. even if it was a song about some mid dude being a dolphin, no less. 

( lili’s interpretation, mind you )

she just missed being on the stage, in front of people, having them fawn over her in ways that only the lights and the roar of a crowd could do. the lights are blistering as the song starts up and the peppy beat drills through the sound system.

the dance isn’t hard — a flourish of hand movements here — side stepping into formation, there. rocket science be damned — it as like clockwork, hitting each beat with it’s composed movement that lili wishes that they had changed it, made it their own but she supposes this is what it meant for them to be doing these stages:

to be appeasing to its nostalgic factor. 

when songs only required pretty girls to sing cutesy songs with average choreography that aided in its virality. it’s in no way for lili to meddle — she thinks — as she moves from the side to the center once it’s her turn, the words rolling off the tongue with a dazzling smile to boot. 

because if it got her on stage, what did it really matter?

( at least for now )