There Is No Love Here

Dualities exist

You can both be in love and know you can’t be together.

You can both want to have the same thing but life keeps pulling you apart

You can both not breathe properly without the other person but have to go on living

Dualities don’t just disappear then bore deep into your heart and your only job is to try with all your might to hold both thoughts and hope there is some peace as you move forward

and so we stand, 2 lovers on opposite side of a great river without a clue on how to cross but unable to walk away maybe eventually we will find a way

I forgive myself

At every point in time, I tried to make a decision that I felt was right based on the information I had and my experiences and I would probably still make more decisions that will require self forgiveness and that is okay.

I am choosing to be grateful,

For my body, my legs especially they are so strong and they work so hard, I am also grateful for the wind or breeze helps with the heat cause it’s so hot these days, I am grateful for ice cold water with little chunks of ice in it, I am grateful for my friends and how they cheer me up, I am grateful that my loved ones are okay, I am grateful for my hands, they helps us work and make delicious meals for ourselves, i an thankfull for my gut health, digesting all my food, I am grateful for love, from my family, lovers and friends, I grateful for comfort shows that keeps my breathe moving steadily, grateful for work that is exciting, grateful for the opportunities that come my way.

I am grateful

Being there for someone who is struggling is exhausting, the ups and downs and constant cycle of presence and absence can be overwhelming

So here’s a poem

My heart beats rhythmically when the skies of your mind are clear, I can see your laughter light up your eyes with a slight twinkle of mischief in them, I recognize you I think to myself you are right here

But without warning the skies darken, it creeps up on you like spring comes after winter, it’s been brewing underneath, under that thick hearty smile, under the jokes and the occasional glances

As I watch you sink, struggling to breathe, I reach out my hand but it misses yours and I know then that all I can do is wait in your line of sight so you see that I am the light at the end of your tunnel but my heart beats like a horse racing for it’s life as I am screaming at the top of my lungs “breatheeeeee”

Into the well

They taught us to be quiet about it. To cross our legs. To hide our hunger. To feel shame for the fire that lives between our thighs.

They whispered that good girls don’t touch themselves. That women who love sex are dirty. Easy. Wrong. But they forgot something.

Sex is power. Sex is healing. Sex is fucking holy.

When I touch myself, I’m not being selfish— I’m remembering I’m alive. When I moan, it’s not sin—it’s release. It’s prayer. It’s worship. It’s a woman choosing herself.

I love sex. I love pleasure. I love the wild, untamed, wet, shivering truth of my body.

And there is no shame in that. Not anymore. Not here. Not in this temple I call me.

— Seraphine 💋🔥💦

Some scary things are worth doing. Going outside, talking to people, public speaking, trying out something new, getting a job even tho you're unsure how it will go. You're a scared little plant but you can blossom into a beautiful, self assured tulip if you try being brave.

How do you decide what’s best for you?

I’m not sure if I can answer that question, I think it starts with asking yourself the hard questions.

Are you happy?

Will you be happy?

Does this make you happy?

Is this what you really want or is it what I think I should want?

Hyper independence and help

These days you feel let down, your therapist says accept help, you don’t have to do it all on your own

Almost immediately you start to realize you get a lot of unsolicited support and then instead of saying no, you try a new approach, you say yes why not

You start to feel good, wow it’s nice to be helped until you get 2 disappointing news out of 3 and you feel so deflated and even more alone than you felt when you didn’t accept help

And you wonder why you tried in the first place but you also know you have to keep trying cause disappointment and handling disappointment is part of the learnings