Leeisallyouneed - Finding Peace

Am I ambitious

I have dreams, goals, things I want to do the kind of life I want to live but am i ambitious? I feel like I want to achieve my goals but also sleep when I need to or even want to, I want to have this lifestyle but actually have time to be in it.

Now I am not interested in being a new bill gates or Elon musk because I feel that kind of success defeats the purpose, your time, mind and life is perpetually occupied with one thing and for me that’s not exactly living

Franca Afegbua was a Nigerian beautician and politician who represented Bendel North in the Nigerian Senate in 1983. She was the first elected woman senator in Nigeria.

They taught us to be quiet about it. To cross our legs. To hide our hunger. To feel shame for the fire that lives between our thighs.

They whispered that good girls don’t touch themselves. That women who love sex are dirty. Easy. Wrong. But they forgot something.

Sex is power. Sex is healing. Sex is fucking holy.

When I touch myself, I’m not being selfish— I’m remembering I’m alive. When I moan, it’s not sin—it’s release. It’s prayer. It’s worship. It’s a woman choosing herself.

I love sex. I love pleasure. I love the wild, untamed, wet, shivering truth of my body.

And there is no shame in that. Not anymore. Not here. Not in this temple I call me.

— Seraphine 💋🔥💦

parent-child dynamics are soooo crazy. i love you i resent you i can't stand you i adore you i pity you. and still watching your hair get a little more grey every time i see you makes my stomach feel weird

What does it feel like?

Anxiety feels like a weight on my chest

The weight is dependent on the day

Sometimes it’s heavy and sometimes it’s light

Anxiety feels like my lungs can’t suck in enough air

It’s feels like they can’t hold the air in for long

Short breaths

Anxiety feels like an uneasiness

Relentless undercurrent of unsettled energy

Constantly in alert mode

Constantly analyzing, thinking, ruminating

Anxiety feels unsafe

In those moments I just want to feel safe

On my own or helped by someone who cares and adores me

You know “do it scared” is a legit CBT technique called Behavioral Activation. The basic tenet of it is that there’s a thing you have to do for your wellbeing that you’re having an emotion about (that you’re scared), and thoughts about (that you don’t want to do it) but the easiest thing to change out of the three of those (behavior, thoughts, emotions) is the behavior itself.

Because actually doing the work to change the emotion or thought so you want to do the thing is gonna take all day, but going and doing the thing without changing the thought or emotion is gonna take you like 10 seconds. And then once the thing is done (or started) your thoughts and emotions about it are kind of automatically different than they were before.

Doing it scared literally makes you less scared.

Note: it’s not the quick fix that avoiding the behavior is. It’s gonna take a lot of doing it scared before you get to do it not scared. But the difference is you’re doing it. And you’re building up to a day when doing it isn’t the worst thing you’ve ever done.

7, 8, 9 billion people I’d still chose you, why? I don’t know, I just know that I would, if wishes came through, we’d never be apart, all my anxiety wouldn’t exist, and I’d love you even more than I do now. It’s not just about you, it’s about us, I am scared of the hope, the tiny voice that keeps saying maybe this isn’t the end, maybe we’d chose different. Maybe we are still young, still figuring it out, still trying to have conversations, still t r y i n g t o s a y I l o v e y o u. If wishes came through, we’d hold so tight nothing would pull us apart but the high is high and reality slowly walks in, we both stand as still as we can not breathing, so we are invincible, maybe that’s what it’s all about being delulu until it becomes the solulu

Do I exist

Like I know I am here

I feel my body, I see everything around me

I smell smells

I hear things

I feel feels, I love and I am loved

But sometimes it doesn’t feel real

It’s hard to call it dissonance

But I feel untethered from time to time

Like most times I am not here

But the real me fights through the haze and I am me

In that moment

But that makes all the other moment not feel real

Okay it doesn’t sound coherent

Maybe it’s not

Maybe that’s the whole point