Franca Afegbua Was A Nigerian Beautician And Politician Who Represented Bendel North In The Nigerian

7, 8, 9 billion people I’d still chose you, why? I don’t know, I just know that I would, if wishes came through, we’d never be apart, all my anxiety wouldn’t exist, and I’d love you even more than I do now. It’s not just about you, it’s about us, I am scared of the hope, the tiny voice that keeps saying maybe this isn’t the end, maybe we’d chose different. Maybe we are still young, still figuring it out, still trying to have conversations, still t r y i n g t o s a y I l o v e y o u. If wishes came through, we’d hold so tight nothing would pull us apart but the high is high and reality slowly walks in, we both stand as still as we can not breathing, so we are invincible, maybe that’s what it’s all about being delulu until it becomes the solulu

Sometimes it pays to be embarrassed by a romantic partner or prospect for you to start to see clearly if a relationship makes sense or not

Shame can be strong teacher to re asses s situation

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There are days were the heaviness in my chest is so strong that I want to crawl under the bed or be unconscious for a while till the heaviness lifts off.

Is it always going to be like this?

Not a lot of people talk about GAD but it’s a real and deep struggle on its own

#anxiety #breathless

I genuinely think pictures are weird

However they are a deliberate way to keep memory, to remember and being intentional about remembering because forgetting is very easy

Being there for someone who is struggling is exhausting, the ups and downs and constant cycle of presence and absence can be overwhelming

So here’s a poem

My heart beats rhythmically when the skies of your mind are clear, I can see your laughter light up your eyes with a slight twinkle of mischief in them, I recognize you I think to myself you are right here

But without warning the skies darken, it creeps up on you like spring comes after winter, it’s been brewing underneath, under that thick hearty smile, under the jokes and the occasional glances

As I watch you sink, struggling to breathe, I reach out my hand but it misses yours and I know then that all I can do is wait in your line of sight so you see that I am the light at the end of your tunnel but my heart beats like a horse racing for it’s life as I am screaming at the top of my lungs “breatheeeeee”

Into the well

On the verge 

This is not a poem or poetry, it’s rambling, I feel close to tears not for anything in particular but because I think I feel everything and nothing all at once, i want them to come get me and make me feel better, i want them to call but i know I don’t want to pick up, I want them to stay and I want them to go, I want the opportunities but I don’t know if I can manage, I want ice cream, berry blast and suya, I want to be home so bad, I want to close the door of my room and disappear, I want to ball my eyes out.

I want to not care so much, while simultaneously caring about everything, I wish I had more bandwidth, I feel loose at the hems, I feel too overstimulated but somehow bored, I want to not exist, I want to not feel, I want to sleep so deeply and only wake up when necessary, I want love, I want to be wanted but also not care about being wanted, I want to move out but stay put.

Nothing helps, nothing helps, should I have fought harder, why does life have so much to do with fighting, even plants fight each other for sunlight, can being alive even ever be categorized as peaceful, I think to be alive is chaos, living is chaotic, the entire universe is chaos with everything hanging on a delicate balance.

This too shall pass, Abi is that this too shall end, anyone Sha, social media is shit, the economy is shit, can I manage my life, myself. Knowing there is something special about myself doesn’t make me feel special, does anyone feel so uncomfortable being seen as I do? I don’t want to need anyone or anything, why do we all need sustenance, why can’t life be just a little easier, to be Nigerian feels like you drew the short straw, do you think we draw straws for the kind of life we get to live?

I passed out once, I think about it sometimes the simple and quiet emptiness of not being conscious or could we also say of not existing, I feel nothing but a low buzz of everything, I know it’s there, I am just disconnected

Get to know your self,

What you love, like or hate

What makes you smile the widest

What makes you feel excited

What is love to you

What makes you feel afraid

What saddens you deeply

Who brightens up your day