My Cat

Franca Afegbua was a Nigerian beautician and politician who represented Bendel North in the Nigerian Senate in 1983. She was the first elected woman senator in Nigeria.

On the verge 

This is not a poem or poetry, it’s rambling, I feel close to tears not for anything in particular but because I think I feel everything and nothing all at once, i want them to come get me and make me feel better, i want them to call but i know I don’t want to pick up, I want them to stay and I want them to go, I want the opportunities but I don’t know if I can manage, I want ice cream, berry blast and suya, I want to be home so bad, I want to close the door of my room and disappear, I want to ball my eyes out.

I want to not care so much, while simultaneously caring about everything, I wish I had more bandwidth, I feel loose at the hems, I feel too overstimulated but somehow bored, I want to not exist, I want to not feel, I want to sleep so deeply and only wake up when necessary, I want love, I want to be wanted but also not care about being wanted, I want to move out but stay put.

Nothing helps, nothing helps, should I have fought harder, why does life have so much to do with fighting, even plants fight each other for sunlight, can being alive even ever be categorized as peaceful, I think to be alive is chaos, living is chaotic, the entire universe is chaos with everything hanging on a delicate balance.

This too shall pass, Abi is that this too shall end, anyone Sha, social media is shit, the economy is shit, can I manage my life, myself. Knowing there is something special about myself doesn’t make me feel special, does anyone feel so uncomfortable being seen as I do? I don’t want to need anyone or anything, why do we all need sustenance, why can’t life be just a little easier, to be Nigerian feels like you drew the short straw, do you think we draw straws for the kind of life we get to live?

I passed out once, I think about it sometimes the simple and quiet emptiness of not being conscious or could we also say of not existing, I feel nothing but a low buzz of everything, I know it’s there, I am just disconnected

Get to know your self,

What you love, like or hate

What makes you smile the widest

What makes you feel excited

What is love to you

What makes you feel afraid

What saddens you deeply

Who brightens up your day

Missing her

Is it worth it?

The efforts we put in, to be with another human,

I would say yes, because love holds up a mirror to your face and you get a chance to see your self differently.

But is it worth it?

To feel truly loved by another is the most profound feeling we can experience

But is it worth it?

Yes, because the gain and the loss of love is the truest evidence of our humanity

Love is worth it

This is my kitty cat Luna, as you can see she loves sleeping and is actually asleep on my lap as I type this.

I hate to do this but I need some help, due to her health issues Luna needs medication multiple times a day, which altogether costs around £200 a month. Which I cannot afford with my paycheck and I have tried. Without her daily medication her health will go downhill and she will have to be euthanised.

I'm not going to ask for donations but if I could have some help signal boosting my Etsy shop that would be awesome! Please have a look, especially if you or someone you know likes pokemon, I have been told they make great gifts too.

Etsy

ZiggyZaggyCrafts - Etsy UK

Shop items by ZiggyZaggyCrafts located in Fareham, England.

Forbidden whack-a-mole

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