This Is My Kitty Cat Luna, As You Can See She Loves Sleeping And Is Actually Asleep On My Lap As I Type

Chai tea bag + lil but of brown sugar + apple cider packet + 16 oz. mug of hot but not quite boiling water

it will not Fix You but like. maybe. maybe.

I am a sensitive soul and sometimes it understands on some level the struggle of others unspoken and there is an itch to help drag them out of the hole they can’t seem to come out from

But It also knows you can’t really drag another person out of their hole, only hope they get the strength to drag themselves out and letting them know, you are standing right at the exit holding out your hand

7, 8, 9 billion people I’d still chose you, why? I don’t know, I just know that I would, if wishes came through, we’d never be apart, all my anxiety wouldn’t exist, and I’d love you even more than I do now. It’s not just about you, it’s about us, I am scared of the hope, the tiny voice that keeps saying maybe this isn’t the end, maybe we’d chose different. Maybe we are still young, still figuring it out, still trying to have conversations, still t r y i n g t o s a y I l o v e y o u. If wishes came through, we’d hold so tight nothing would pull us apart but the high is high and reality slowly walks in, we both stand as still as we can not breathing, so we are invincible, maybe that’s what it’s all about being delulu until it becomes the solulu

A friend once said “anxiety leave me alone”

Somehow that felt profound to me, cause I also would very much like to be left alone.

I like to think to myself that my mind is an interesting place, I laugh nowadays when my mind conjures something that we need to be afraid and I think to myself like really, a new one? And chuckle a little.

I think making fun of myself makes me feel like I am more in control.

It really does help.

Feelings that come with a new year

It’s melancholy

You can’t be too excited, lest the entire year doesn’t go as expected

You can’t be too sad because there isn’t any present reason to be

Can you hope?

Sometimes it feels futile, your hope can’t make it go any way either good or bad

So I ask for the strength to seat and be excited about the present, while working towards a reality that I am hopeful about

I genuinely think pictures are weird

However they are a deliberate way to keep memory, to remember and being intentional about remembering because forgetting is very easy

Musings part 301

I look around and it seems life is sucking the energy out of us, to be alive is to struggle but it’s time we all got a break, trying to not speak for the whole collective but right now planning for the future feels like a pipe dream, the goal is to make it through the day, the week, the month

How is it that of all the worlds and realities we could have built this is the one we saw fit to nurture, a world that leaves so many wanting and so few full

It’s innate for us to be greedy and selfish, it’s could even be called life, life exists by survival and survival is primal but we are conscious sentient beings shouldn’t that count for something.

I wonder what other type of worlds could we have built? Worse or better than this ?

To The Person Who Walked Past The Window - Jordan Bolton

My first book ‘Blue Sky Through the Window of a Moving Car’ is now available to pre-order! Get it here - https://smarturl.it/BlueSky

Very much okay and it’s also okay to be uncertain about it from time to time, there are no rule books anyways

and so we stand, 2 lovers on opposite side of a great river without a clue on how to cross but unable to walk away maybe eventually we will find a way