When Bill Cipher Is Your Patronus

Reasons I'm starving myself

• So I can look cute in my new grunge aesthetic

• So I can be confident enough to have sex with anyone I want

• So people think I'm beautiful

• So I can spend less money on food and more on things I need

• So I can look cute when I smoke weed instead of fat

• So I don't look gross when I eat in front of people

• So people notice and actually want to talk to me

• So I can wear a bikini this summer

• So I don't have to worry about certain angles when my picture is taken

• So I have a sharp jawline that will look good when my hair is in a bun

• So my ribs can be even more prominent and bruised

• So I can have little dainty wrists

• So I don't look huge next to my saxophone

• So I look cool playing oboe instead of weird

• So I look badass playing electric guitar instead of stupid

• So people believe I'm sick

• So I can look better than the girls my ex left me for

• So I can look cute drinking a mug of hot cocoa

• So people think I'm healthy instead of a fatass

• So I can be a skinny stoner instead of a fatass who gets the munchies

• So I can wear hoodies and not look like I'm hiding all my fat

• So when I'm in gym class, I don't look huge

• So I can take yoga classes and not be that fat girl who can't keep up

• So dark lipstick looks good on my face with my defined cheekbones

• So when I get friends, I can be the skinny one

• So I can finally love my body

Those are a few reasons I'm starving myself.

Jacob: Honestly I’m so evil. So full of darkness. I feed off the souls of the living. I strike fear into- Evie: You sleep with a teddy bear. Jacob: He’s my sECOND IN COMMAND IN MY ARMY OF DARKNESS

Person teaching us fire safety: Remember, smoke inhalation kills in 90% of the cases, it’s very fast and you’ll pass out before you can feel any severe pain so watch out and stay safe!!

Me, a suicidal bitch, who has been searching for an easy, painless method of suicide for years: 

me: *opens tumblr in a crowded bus* me: i too like to live dangerously

🌸 100 calorie spaghetti 🌸

Hey guys c:

I thought I’d share my recipe for spaghetti in tomato sauce with you which I’m absolutely in love with. I can finally enjoy some spaghetti without regretti (I’m sorry).

I hope you enjoy it as well!

It makes one serving and it’s only 98 calories in total!

Ingredients

200g shirataki noodles (you can get those in Asian supermarkets) ~19 kcal

5g garlic ~7 kcal

70g onion ~20 kcal

200g diced tomatoes ~50 kcal

some seasoning (I added salt, pepper, chili, frozen basil & parsley) ~2 kcal

Instruction

Rinse your shirataki noodles and put them into a non-stick frying pan. Don’t add anything else yet, we want to dry the noodles a bit to get rid of their rubber-ish texture.

In the meantime you can dice the onions and mince the garlic.

When the noodles start to shrink, you can add the garlic and the onions. Stir it from time to time and be careful to not burn them!

I usually take half of the tomatoes and blend them with an immersion blender so the sauce will be a bit creamier. I then mix the diced tomatoes and the blended ones together and add the seasoning.

When the onions start to turn a bit yellow/brown-ish you can add the sauce.

Let it cook for about 4 minutes and you’re done!

I hope you guys enjoy the recipe as well! I also made a 100 calorie stir-fry recipe.

So I kind of left audacity running while I took a shower.

can’t wait til my 25th birthday cuz that’s when your brain officially stops growing which means it’s also when your brain officially starts dying!!!!! yoooooooo here i come death!!!!!!

When your friend says a great joke and it takes you a second to get it X